Happiness is … turning setbacks into building blocks for growth

Happiness is NOT … everything going right.

Even the happiest people face problems and adversity.

Happiness IS … dealing with these challenges; as effectively and quickly as possible. Here’s how…

via the Ladders by Christopher D Connors

“I knew that if I failed I wouldn’t regret that, but I knew the one thing I might regret is not trying.” Jeff Bezos

So, how did you get your start in this whole entrepreneurship thing? Was it your plan from day one, or did you kind of back into it, realizing through adversity, setbacks or maybe even failures, that you were destined to take the wheel of your own dream?

Whether you’ve just arrived and are yet to encounter difficulty, or perhaps you already know far too well what it’s all about, you’ll realize that professional success is about moving forward through challenging periods. The greatest entrepreneurs — and their businesses — have been shaped by setbacks, adversity, mistakes and even failures.

At the onset of any venture, we don’t have to worry about the bright lights shining on us and examining all of our test runs, trial and (many) errors, and certainly not worrying about having these exposed to the public.

And honestly, that’s a good thing. We can mess up, virtually, in private. We can make fools of ourselves, and even laugh at ourselves. Once you become known all over the world, every move you make is under the microscope. Just ask Elon Musk…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Has social media warped how you view happiness?

via Wired By DAPHNE LEPRINCE-RINGUET

Want to be happy? Don’t be a gardener. Or so the oddball logic goes. When I was in secondary school, a career counselor came into my class one afternoon and asked if any of us 14-year-olds knew what we wanted to do for a living.

One of my classmates answered, in complete seriousness: “I want to be a gardener”. The counselor snickered softly, asked if he was joking and, upon realising how appallingly tactless she had been, quickly interrogated another student.

That she was bad at her job is evident; but her reaction nevertheless reflected a hierarchy in the value that society assigns to different professions. Being a doctor, a lawyer, a successful businessman? Good. Valuable. Will make you happy.

Except it won’t necessarily – that’s according to Paul Dolan, professor of behavioural science at the London School of Economics (LSE) and writer of Happy Ever After: Escaping the Myth of the Perfect Life. “We have this idea that we need to reward those who are constantly aspiring and advancing professionally,” says Dolan. “But we have to start rewarding people who are successful in professions that we don’t value very highly.” What is wrong, after all, with being a perfectly happy in any kind of work.

And the numbers speak for themselves: according to Dolan, 64 per cent of lawyers agree that they are happy. Sounds like a decent amount? The proportion jumps to 87 per cent when you ask florists.

That higher-status jobs lead to more happiness is only one of the social narratives that Dolan’s book surgically dismantles. Happy Ever After may sound like a cheap self-improvement guide to positive thinking; in reality, it is a pragmatic inspection by an LSE-qualified behavioural scientist…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

33 Powerful Teachings from a Zen Master

When I talk and write about happiness, I’m mostly coming from a Positive Psychology perspective.

That is, the science of thriving and flourishing.

But there’s much that overlaps with Buddhism and other, related, Eastern Philosophies.

Buddhism has had much to say about happiness AND NOTABLY, much of it has been reinforced by newer, scientific studies.

If this is something that interests you, check out what Zen Master Thich Nhat Hahn has to say about happiness and living a good life…

via Inc.com by Susan Steinbrecher

Thich Nhat Hanh is one of the most beloved Buddhist teachers of our time. His impact spans decades and generations. Hanh first gained recognition as a peace activist in the 1960s for his anti-war efforts, and for delivering the teachings of mindfulness to the west. His simplified Buddhist philosophy focusing on mindfulness and compassion has changed the hearts and minds of thousands over the years. He is truly a living legacy.

Thich Nhat Hanh is a Zen master, and prolific bestselling author on myriad topics including mindfulness, meditation and Buddhism. One of Hanh’s books that I return to often is How to Sit — the first book in the Mindfulness Essentials Series that provides a wonderful introduction to the practice of mindfulness meditation.

Today, Hanh’s teachings are more relevant than ever. His wisdom seems to answer the soul-searching questions that haunt so many of us. Hanh believes that to solve the world’s problems (as well as our own) we must master the art of “deep listening.” This practice involves remaining present with the person or people you are in conversation with, and to listen with ultimate compassion — allowing them to “empty their heart.” You should not offer advice or your perception of their pain he advises, just listen. When you listen in order to understand fully, it lessens the suffering of others. This mindfulness practice can be transforming — I see it work wonders with leaders and their colleagues time and time again. It is also effective at home when contentious issues arise with family members, a partner or friend. In an interview with Oprah Winfrey Hahn maintained that he believes deep listening may even allow us to resolve major conflicts that lead to war or terrorism.

At 92 years-old, Thich Nhat Hanh has returned to his home country of Vietnam and currently resides at the temple where he trained as a young man. His legacy and peaceful influence in the world will undoubtedly live on forever. Below is a compilation of Hanh’s sage teachings. Try to focus mindfully on each one and, as Hanh would say, remember to “smile, breathe and go slowly.”

On living in the moment:

“No one has ever lived in the past or the future, only the now.”

 “Every one of us already has the seed of mindfulness. The practice is to cultivate it.”

“We have more possibilities available in each moment than we realize.”

“When we are mindful, deeply in touch with the present moment, our understanding of what is going on deepens, and we begin to be filled with acceptance, joy, peace and love.”

“Sitting in meditation is nourishment for your spirit and nourishment for your body, as well.”

“Drink your tea slowly and reverently, as if it is the axis on which the world earth revolves — slowly, evenly, without rushing toward the future.”

“My actions are my only true belongings.”

 “The energies of mindfulness, concentration and insight can liberate us from our anxiety and worries. We let go of the past and the future and come in touch with the wonders of the present.”

“If we are not fully ourselves, truly in the present moment, we miss everything.”

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

How to Take Action: 12 Habits that Turn Dreams into Reality

“Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do.”
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“Don't wait. The time will never be just right.”
Napoleon Hill

What makes dreams into reality?

I believe that perhaps the most important – and an often ignored – thing is simply taking action.

I used to be really bad at it when I was younger.

Back then I usually got stuck.

I got stuck in my dreams about what I wanted to do.

I got stuck in analysis paralysis due to my habit of overthinking things. I got stuck in procrastination and in pessimism.

Things have changed a lot since then though. I have added many new habits that help me to take much more action than I used to.

I hope this week's article will help you to do the same.

1. Get your day off to a great start by doing the most important thing.

I first learned about this about 17 years ago when I used to sell computers.

The boss told us that if we took care of the most important task of the day – often one of the more difficult ones too – right away in the morning the rest of the day would be a lot easier and lighter.

He was right about that.

When that first and most important task is done you don’t have to worry about it. It won’t weigh down on your day. You feel good about yourself.

And you’ll have less inner resistance to taking action for the rest of the day.

2. Just take responsibility for your actions and the process.

I love this quote from the ancient Sanskrit Hindu scripture Bhagavad Gita:

“To action alone hast thou a right and never at all to its fruits; let not the fruits of action be thy motive; neither let there be in thee any attachment to inaction.”

Why?

Because every time I look at it or remind myself of it I feel a sort of freedom and relief.

This quote reminds me to understand that I cannot control the results of my action. I can’t control how someone reacts to what I say or what I do.

It reminds me that it usually works better for me to stay motivated to keep doing what I do if I do something I really like doing.

Basically, I do what I think is right and that is my responsibility. And then the rest (the possible results), well, that is not up to me to decide about or try to control.

I let it go.

Taking action becomes a so much lighter activity when you only have to take responsibility for doing what you think is right.

3. Don’t feel like doing it? Start small.

Getting the most important thing done first thing in your day and setting yourself up for an action-packed day sounds great in theory.

But in reality you will have unmotivated days.

Days when you feel emotionally low or when you are confronted with having to do something you don’t want to do.

That’s life. But no reason to let that sink your day into inaction and feeling sorry for yourself.

I have found that the best thing for these situations is to start very small. To just…

• Write for 1-2 minutes.
• Lift free weights for just a few repetitions.
• Spend 1 minute with getting started on something that scares me.

After that I have the choice to go do something else.

But I seldom do.

I just need an easy way to get started and then, when I am in motion, I usually continue taking action for a while longer.

4. Don’t hurt yourself.

This is a powerful motivator for me to grow and to become a better person.

If I don’t do what I deep down think is the right thing to do then I hurt myself and my self-esteem. What I do – or do not do – during my day sends powerful signals back to me about what kind of person I am.

There is no escaping yourself. And there is always a price to pay when you don't do what you think is the right thing.

5. A reminder for focus.

If you don’t remind yourself often about what you need to focus on and why you are doing it then it is easy to let days slip away or to spend too much time on less important things.

So create a a simple reminder on a piece of paper. On it you can for example write down:

• Your top 3 priorities in life right now.
• Your most important goal or new habit for the next 30 days.
• A motto or quote you want to stay focused on and live by at this time in your life.

6. Stay accountable to the people in your life.

An accountability buddy can help you to stay on track and to keep taking action towards your goal or dream even when the initial enthusiasm has dissipated.

For example, many of you as readers help me to stay accountable to provide helpful content. I get feedback all the time about if I do things in a helpful or less helpful way. I get a ton of encouragement.

People closer to me in my life help me to stay accountable to for instance not eating too much unhealthy stuff, to working out and to not working too much.

Find someone in real life or online who wants to get in better shape too. Or start a business online. Motivate each other.

Keep each other accountable so you take action and take steps forward each week.

7. Cycle fully focused work and fully relaxing rest.

Get your kitchen timer or access the stop-watch function on your cellphone.

Set the timer for 45 minutes. During those minutes just work on your most important task/small step forward. Nothing else. No distractions.

After those 45 minutes are up, take a relaxing break. Distract yourself on Facebook if you like. Or step away from your work space and take a short walk, stretch or go for an apple for the next 15 minutes.

By working these fully focused periods of time you’ll:

• Get more done and do work of higher quality.
• Be able to concentrate for a longer time in your day and week and get less tired.
• Train yourself to focus on one thing at time, instead of getting stuck in your mind between work and relaxation and building up friction and stress within.
• Be able to enjoy your rest periods without a guilty conscience.

45 minutes of work too much?

Try 25 minutes instead.

Procrastinating half-way into your 25 minute period?

Set the timer for 10 or 5 minutes and build up the time that you can fully focus on the work over the next few weeks and months.

8. Focus more on the how to and less on the what-ifs.

If your thoughts starts spinning as you are thinking about taking action then in your mind shout: STOP!

Don’t allow yourself to get stuck in the negative spiral of analysis paralysis.

Sure, it is smart to think before you act in many cases but overthinking things tends to become a way to try to control things you cannot control or to simply stay away from action because you are scared in some way.

After you have said stop to that train of thought open up your mind to what you CAN DO instead of all the things that could go wrong in the worst case scenario.

Ask yourself questions like:

• What is one small step I can take today to move forward towards my goal or out of this situation?
• What is one thing I can learn from this situation?

Write down the answers you come up with and take action on them.

9. People don’t care that much about what you do so don’t let that hold you back.

When I was younger I almost always let what people may have thought or said if I did something hold me back and I got stuck in inaction.

It was more of a self-centered than accurate belief.

In reality people have their own things going on in busy lives. They think about the job, kids, a partner, the cat, a vacation, what to have for dinner and they worry about what you and other people may think about them.

You are probably not the main character in other people’s lives. Even if you are that in your own life.

A realization that can be a bit disappointing but something that can also can set you free from self-imposed bonds.

10. Tap into enthusiasm.

When you dream and when you get started with something new in life then the enthusiasm flows like a fountain.

A few weeks later it may have decreased quite a bit. Don’t let that lead you to quitting if you think this is something you want to continue doing.

Tap into enthusiasm in your surroundings instead.

• Let the enthusiasm of your accountability buddy flow of over to you and create a flow back to him or her by being enthusiastic about his or her goals and dreams.
• Listen to podcasts or audiobooks by inspiring people.
• Read blogs, websites and take courses that help you to get a dose of enthusiasm every week.
• Let the enthusiasm from friends, children or pets flow over to you.
• Listen to music and watch movies that increase your joy for life.

Bring the enthusiasm of the rest of the world into your life.

11. Add the fun.

Some tasks simply are boring or not much fun at all.

Then try this while you are doing them to add a bit of fun:

• Add some music that gives you energy and inspires you.
• Make it into a game where you compete with friend about who can finish something first or do the most amount of something in 10 or 30 minutes.

Change your perspective on what you are doing, lighten things up a bit and it tends to become quite a bit easier to take a lot of action on what you may have procrastinated on for some time.

12. Celebrate what you did today.

Take 2 minutes at the end of your day to think about, appreciate and celebrate what you have taken action on today. No matter how small the action may have been.

It will:

• Motivate you to get going tomorrow too.
• Increase your self-esteem over time.
• Make you feel good about yourself and that feeling will spread to the people in your life too.

5 habits that keep your brain young

To enjoy happiness, we need to keep healthy.

To enjoy happiness, we need to look after our bodies; AND our brains.

Brain health is a relatively new area of study but some of the findings are proving to be fascinating and potentially very important…

via Inc.com by Jessica Stillman

We all know our chronological age. That’s as simple as counting the candles on your birthday cake. But do you know your biological age?

This second number measures not how many years you’ve seen, but how much those years have impacted the functioning of your body and brain. Scientists calculate it a number of ways, but whatever methodology they employ, they agree chronological and biological age don’t always line up.

Some 80-year-olds function like people decades younger. They ace their memory and cognitive tests, and scientists peering at their cells can even spot significant differences. Experts have dubbed these role models of healthy aging “superagers.” Just about all of us would love to one day become one.

How do you achieve that? A long and fascinating article in the latest issue of UCSF Magazine delves into the work of the University of California, San Francisco’s Memory and Aging Center to answer this question (hat tip to PsyBlog). Much of this research is still far too new to be of everyday use, but science has already determined a few simple interventions you can start using today to help keep your brain young.

1. Think positively about aging.

If you try to think of famous superagers, one name will almost certainly pop to mind–whip-smart, 85-year-old Supreme Court justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. How does she keep her brain working at such an incredible level? Part of the answer, experts say, is that she expects it to keep working well. Optimistic expectations about aging actually help us age happily and healthily.

“There are some suggestions that people who are more optimistic age better than people who aren’t,” Peter Kramer, director of the UCSF Memory and Aging Center, notes. Just believing that old age need not be a drag helps you ensure your brain will function at its best in your golden years…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

What if happiness was just accepting … being ordinary?

Happiness is often associated with being our best.

Happiness is often considered the result of extraordinary and special efforts.

And these are both true of happiness.

But happiness is also about acknowledging and accepting the ordinary, simple moments.

And maybe happiness is about accepting it’s OK to be ordinary ourselves…

via the Ladders by Benjamin P Hardy

“We like to think of our champions and idols as superheroes who were born different from us. We don’t like to think of them as relatively ordinary people who made themselves extraordinary.” ― Carol Dweck, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success

Do you see yourself as “ordinary” or “special”?

Likewise, do you see people who have achieved incredible things — people like Michael Jordan, Beethoven, and other seemingly godlike figures — as “ordinary” or “special”?

Interestingly, if you see yourself and/or others as “special,” then you fall into what Dr. Carol Dweck calls a “fixed mindset.”

Special implies some inherent trait that separates or draws a line between yourself and others.

If you view people who have achieved brilliant things as “special” or “different” rather than “ordinary,” then there is no way you can become like them.

If you view yourself as “special” and “different,” then that mindset will at some point paralyze you from being seen as anything otherwise. Your fear of not being viewed as special will stop you from trying bigger stuff that might fail.

You’ll plateau very quick with this mindset.

When you dig into the psychology of those who have achieved greatness, more often then not, they view themselves as ordinary and trying to get better. They aren’t obsessed with their skills. Instead, they are focused on their goals and the efforts it takes to achieve them. They aren’t thinking about the past, but the future. And their future is fundamentally bigger than their past. As a result, they are HUMBLE about where they are…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

It’s time … for happiness!

via Harvard Business Review by Ashley Whillans

Adam (real story, fake name) was a good employee who was given a plum project he believed could get him a promotion and a raise. Taking it seemed like the proverbial no-brainer: Work hard, nail the assignment, get more pay. He knew he’d have to put in long days and some hours on weekends, which meant he’d be sacrificing time with his young family. He knew the deadlines would be stressful, as would managing the people and the expectations involved. But he also knew that at the end, he’d be rewarded, and he could make up for the lost time.

Except that he wasn’t rewarded. Though his project was a success, the promotion and the raise went to someone on another project, who also was deserving. After receiving accolades for a job well done, Adam continued to run his project successfully, but he wasn’t happy. At night, he sat in bumper-to-bumper traffic, brooding over what had happened, calculating all the hours he had put in, and for what? He couldn’t help feeling he had wasted — no, that he had lost — valuable time.

While Adam is right, the research shows that even if he had gotten the promotion and the raise, he might have felt just as discontented. No matter what the outcome of our efforts, we all feel increasingly strapped for time, and often the things that we think will make us happy — the accomplishments we work so hard for — don’t. They most certainly do not give us back moments with our families and friends or more hours to ourselves.

A preponderance of evidence shows that the feeling of having enough time — “time affluence” — is now at a record low in the United States. When my team and I analyzed a survey of 2.5 million Americans by the Gallup Organization, we found that 80% of respondents did not have the time to do all they wanted to each day. This situation is so severe it could even be described as a “famine” — a collective cultural failure to effectively manage our most precious resource, time.

Time poverty exists across all economic strata, and its effects are profound. Research shows that those who feel time-poor experience lower levels of happiness and higher levels of anxiety, depression, and stress. They experience less joy. They laugh less. They exercise less and are less healthy. Their productivity at work is diminished. They are more likely to get divorced. And in our analysis of the Gallup survey data, my team and I even found that time stress had a stronger negative effect on happiness than being unemployed did.

On a broader level, time poverty directly accounts for billions of dollars in productivity costs to companies each year, and secondary costs multiply that number many times over. Public health officials rank it as one of the top contributors to rising obesity. Researchers put the health care costs of time stress at $48 billion a year.

The irony is, despite the perception that people today work longer hours, the data reveals that most of us have more discretionary time than ever before. How can we feel so starved for time?

The answer seems to be money. Just like Adam, most of us fall into a trap of spending time to get money, because we believe money will make us happier in the long run.

Our thinking is backward. In fact, research consistently shows that the happiest people use their money to buy time. My colleagues and I have conducted correlational, longitudinal, and experimental research with nearly 100,000 working adults from all over the world. We consistently find that people who are willing to give up money to gain more free time — by, say, working fewer hours or paying to outsource disliked tasks — experience more fulfilling social relationships, more satisfying careers, and more joy, and overall, live happier lives.

If there’s one resolution that you keep this year, it should be to focus on making choices based on time, not money. It’s not easy; our entire world and even our brains are rigged to make us value money first. But it can be done, and in this article, I’ll share some smart strategies you can start employing today…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Should you aim high? Or have realistic expectations? Maybe both!

If happiness is about being our best selves then aiming high and achieving as much as we can should be part of that.

At the same time, however, one of the greatest happiness killers is unrealistic expectations which cause disappointment and frustration.

What should we do then?

Well, along with many other paradoxes in live, maybe for happiness we need to do both…

via the Ladders by Darius Foroux

The world is full of paradoxes. One of the biggest is the tradeoff between having high and low expectations.

On the one hand, we need to expect to win at life, otherwise; what’s the point of even trying? But on the other hand, we can’t be discouraged when we lose.

The two different concepts are perfectly explained by the following two quotes.

1. 1. “You were born to win, but to be a winner, you must plan to win, prepare to win, and expect to win.” — Zig Ziglar
   2. “Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.”― Alexander Pope

The first quote says we should expect to win, the second one says we shouldn’t expect to win. So which attitude do you pick?

This is a hard concept to wrap your head around. It took me years to find a balance that worked for me…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Assess the quality of your life with 4 questions via Bill Gates

via Inc.com by Marcel Schwantes

Bill Gates is now 63. He fully acknowledges he’s not the same person he was when he founded Microsoft to put a “computer on every desk and in every home.”

To assess his quality of life, Gates asks himself different questions that we should be asking ourselves as we age–different from those of our youth.

For the 25-year-old Gates, the only question that mattered was posed to assess his business success at the end of the year: Is Microsoft software making the personal-computing dream come true?

A new set of questions

In his final 2018 blog post on Gates Notes, he said that he still assesses the quality of his work, but the questions are very different from the ones he would have asked in his 20s. Here they are:

1. Did I devote enough time to my family?
2. Did I learn enough new things?
3. Did I develop new friendships and deepen old ones?

Gates readily admits these questions would have been “laughable” to him at 25; at 63, they’re that much more meaningful.

Oh, and then there’s this question tossed in for good measure, courtesy of Gates’s friend and mentor, Warren Buffett:

“Do the people you care about love you back?”

This is Buffett’s own measure of success, which is about as good a metric as you will find, says Gates…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Happiness lessons from my holiday

from Monday’s weekly and free eNewsletter…

Over the New Year break I was lucky enough to travel with my family overseas and we all enjoyed some wonderful experiences…

…not one to ever completely “switch off”, I also made some observations about life and happiness that I thought I’d share with you today.

I hope you find them useful : )

If you’ve ever travelled to a new and unfamiliar place then you’ll know that getting lost occasionally (or often!) is par for the course. Yet this need not be a bad thing. On my recent trip I was reminded that:

• some of the best discoveries come from losing your way
• and there are always people available and willing to help (as long as you’re not afraid to ask)

Regular readers of this eNewsletter will more than likely know that I’m a big fan of habits and routines; setting yourself up for happiness and success is far more likely with the right foundations in place. That being said, I was also recently reminded that:

• breaking out of routines and trying new things is energising and stimulating; although it can be difficult and even anxiety provoking, more often than not it contributes to positive emotions such as excitement and joy

And finally, seeing new things puts the old and familiar things we see every day in to perspective. Which leads in to another learning which is that…

• we should never take our lives and our current circumstances for granted. Much of that to which we’ve grown accustomed is, in reality, special and deserving of our appreciation 

I’m still reflecting upon the wonderful opportunity my family and I recently enjoyed and I’m sure there’ll be many more lessons I decide to share with you. But for now, this trip has reminded me of the powers inherent in…

• purposefully getting lost every now and then
• being brave enough to reach out and ask for help when needed
• trying new things often
• and practicing gratitude each and every day

…So that’s today’s mailing. Take some time to reflect upon the message and how it might apply to you. Check out, also, the links below for some additional readings and resources.

I hope it helps you enjoy some more happiness. Until next time…

Keep well & keep smiling
Tim Sharp (aka Dr Happy)

Self-care and happiness amidst political turmoil!

Depending on how interested you are in politics and current affairs, you’ll be more or less aware of the heated political climate in many parts of the world.

Regardless of your position, there’s little doubt that we’re becoming more divided; and this isn’t a good thing for happiness or wellbeing overall.

Happiness requires a focus on self-care; and this might impact on how and when we read and consume news.

So if you’ve found current politics causing unhappiness or distress, check out these 5 rules that should help you take better care of yourself and thus enjoy better health and more happiness…

via Mindful.org by Shelly Tygielski

Repeat after me: A better world starts with the best version of me.

Sounds a little self-centered, doesn’t it? Well, I want you to embrace that feeling for a moment. Let it settle into your body and make itself comfortable. Because I’m here to help you understand how focusing on your own health and wellness can lead to a better world.

Self-care. Say it out loud.

What Is Self-Care?

Self-care means asking yourself what you need and following through on the honest answer. Self-care can be as simple as getting to bed earlier on a work night, or as hard as taking a look at some of the habits you’ve created for yourself and their long-term effects.

Self-care is essential. It’s human work we all need. Not just the activists among us, but every one of us who’s been paying attention for the last few years and watching our communities come apart. We all feel the weight of this time we’re living in, and we are allbeing called to do our part to ensure a more perfect Union.

Self-care is essential. It’s human work we all need. Not just the activists among us, but every one of us who’s been paying attention for the last few years and watching our communities come apart.

If you’re a politically active, socially conscious individual, or simply someone whose awareness has been running on all cylinders for the last few years and have experienced burnout, secondary trauma, or compassion fatigue (yes, these are all real things!), it’s time for you to gather your sisters and brothers and declare that 2019 is the year that you will learn to be a self-care taker so that you can continue to be an effective caretaker of our democracy. Being whole and meeting our own emotional and physical needs first, is the only way we will build the world we want to see in the future—together!

Self-Care is a Radical Act of Love

As a community organizer and political and social justice activist, one of the ways I know I can contribute is by sharing some of the self-care tools I’ve learned over the past two years. This “Self-Care for Politically Charged Times” series was borne out of my own personal plight with burnout and compassion fatigue—riding high and fully charged in 2016, sputtering through most of 2017, and, finally, experiencing complete burnout in early 2018.

I had reached a point where I needed some serious self-care and a personal recharge if I was going to have any momentum in time for the 2018 primaries. This experience resulted in a promise to myself that I would never go back to a place of ineffectiveness, defeat and malfunction—and a promise to do whatever I could to ensure that no one is left behind, feeling depleted, exhausted, and hopeless.

We are creating the world we want to see by sowing seeds of love. And that can only be done if we include love for ourselves in the mix. Our rallying cry for 2019 is: Self-Care is a radical act of love. 

For me, personally, I’d continue that sentence by saying “Self Care is a radical act of love that increases my capacity for impact!”

But self-care means something different to everyone. That’s one of it’s most transformational and unifying properties. What will focussing on self-care allow you to do this year? What will your impact be?

We know that self-care is good for us—it increases our emotional and physical health, it builds resilience, and paves the way for kind, compassionate engagement with the world around you.

Self-care is not always fun, sometimes it’s boring, guilt-inducing, and very heavy. By prioritizing self-care you’re making a choice to nourish the core of your being, tap into your sense of humanity, community, and responsibility for our path forward, and communicate with compassion across seeming political divides so we change our future for the better. Are you ready?

…if so keep reading HERE

What if you could overcome anxiety with this one, simple mental hack?

Anxiety is one of the most common forms of mental ill-health; and not surprisingly, it’s one of the most common contributors to a lack of happiness.

It’s hard to be happy if you’re stressed and worried much of the time.

But the good news is, anxiety is also one of the most treatable forms of psychological distress; and accordingly, those who experience anxiety can learn to manage their worry better and thus, enjoy more happiness and a better life.

Keep reading…

via the Ladders by Ashley Abramson

Imagine you’re doing something that gives you anxiety or causes you stress. Maybe you’re about to have a difficult conversation with your boss, or perhaps you’re getting ready for a party where you’ll bump into people you haven’t seen in ages. If your heart is starting to beat faster, you’re not alone. But what if a simple perspective shift could help you manage the clammy hands and racing heartbeat that come with your anxiety — and even help you to be a little thankful for what you’re feeling?

When it comes to negative emotions like stress, anxiety, and even depression, your perception matters: There’s scientific evidence that how we think about our emotions drastically affects how we feel. Have you ever noticed that focusing on how stressful something is makes it feel even more stressful? The reverse can be true too. By focusing on the positive parts of an experience, you can actually reduce stress.

The concept is called “cognitive reappraisal,” and the gist is that by shifting our perspective on emotions, we can actually reduce the duration and intensity of feelings like sadness and anxiety. A 2014 study found that reappraising anxiety as excitement helped people with performance anxiety more than merely focusing on “staying calm.” Another study from 2010 shows that emotional regulation, another term for cognitive reappraisal, can help reduce symptoms of depression…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

To be happy and successful, you really need to learn these life skills

For almost two decades now, I’ve been saying that…

…achieving happiness requires little more than practising a few simple disciplines, each and every day.

That’s just another way of saying that happiness is the result of certain intentional behaviours; and those behaviours can be considered in much the same way as skills; and just like any other skills the more you practice them the better you get.

Hence, certain life skills will bring more happiness and if this is something you’d like to enjoy then keep reading…

via Inc.com by John Hall

Whether you’re an entrepreneur, a company leader, or an entry-level employee, there are certain life skills that will not only increase your chances of being successful but will also help you maintain that success.

As I plot my goals for this year, one is making sure my kids are consistently learning these skills — I still don’t see them being taught in school as much as they should, which is a bit disappointing. These include things like personal finance, which my mom taught me at an early age. This actually set me up to obtain my first loan for my first business.

But what other important life skills are needed to help you — or your children — become super successful in life? Here are seven skills that I believe are absolutely essential.

1. Money management

I recently set up bank accounts for my 2-year-old and 5-year-old. As crazy as that may sound, my bank offers a 5 percent interest rate on its checking accounts for up to $500. Needless to say, I was pretty amped about that. But the real purpose was more about getting them to think about saving money and setting goals. Yes, that’s right: My 5-year-old has financial goals.

Unfortunately, I frequently run into people who desperately want to start their own business or make the jump from their crappy corporate job. Unfortunately, money prevents them from achieving these goals because they don’t have the down payment or financial cushion to take a worthwhile risk.

2. Mental health

It used to be taboo to bring up your mental health among friends. However, as society has become more open about the importance of mental health, it’s become acceptable to acknowledge that your mental health is something that you need to work on.

“Mental health” doesn’t just refer to being diagnosed with a mental illness: Mental health also covers lacking confidence, paralysis from setbacks, and too much negative self-talk. These not only can drastically affect your performance, but they can also lead to a lack of gratitude and resilience — and, eventually, contentment. As a result, this can make it so that no matter how well you perform, you don’t take even a second to appreciate your success. You struggle to be thankful for what you have or dust yourself off when you fall down…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

7 ways to boost your self-esteem

To enjoy happiness, one needs to feel good about oneself.

This is not the same as narcissism; but rather, a form of self-confidence that’s beneficial to feeling happy.

via the Guardian by Amy Sedghi

Check negative self-talk

How we value and perceive ourselves and our abilities is believed to be strongly tied to influences in childhood. A recent longitudinal studyfollowing nearly 9,000 participants in the US from birth to age 27 found that family environment (covering parenting, cognitive stimulation and physical home environment) in childhood, and especially in the first six years of life, has a long-term impact on self-esteem. The first step to achieving healthy self-esteem as an adult, suggests the NHS, is to challenge negative beliefs you have about yourself, perhaps by writing down self-critical thoughts and the evidence against them, or by speaking to yourself the way you would of a friend.

Don’t compare yourself with others

It’s impossible to get an accurate view of other people, says the clinical psychologist Linda Blair, especially from their online presence. “You’re comparing yourself with a fantasy, and that will lead to either excessive striving or disappointment.” She advises focusing on what you yourself want to accomplish instead. Her other advice is to “get rid of the word ‘should’”. People can put a lot of effort into what they think others want or expect from them, which they may have misjudged – a recipe for unhappiness, she says.

Set yourself manageable goals

Aiming for too-ambitious a goal can be setting yourself up for failure, knocking your self-confidence even if you have taken big steps towards it. A sense of accomplishment is key to maintaining your pride, says Blair, who suggests setting short- to mid-term goals…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

3 new ways to play the game of life

Life is challenging sometimes.

But if we treat it like a game, then it can be more fun more often.

And more fun means more happiness; which means better health and a better life.

So for health, wellbeing, happiness and success in life keep reading…

via Forbes by Remy Blumenfeld

A big part of my job as a coach is supporting clients to play the game of life with a sense of purpose, grace, and ease.  Seeing life as a game isn’t always easy. However, in an age when robots will soon be able to do almost every job better than humans, being playful remains a uniquely human quality.  Seeing life as a game will also make your life (and the lives of those around you) a whole lot lighter and more fun.

When you find your sense of playful grace and ease being challenged -perhaps you’re stressed by an exchange or exhausted by trying to perfect a task-  it could be that you’re making whatever it is all about you.  There may be some part of you that believes that delivering a positive outcome will mean you are not a loser. In other words, you are attached.

Overly Stressed? Stop Making It All About YouGETTY

1. It is possible to be committed, but not attached

When a client comes to me with an attached mindset of ‘I am this project/relationship.  If it succeeds then I succeed, if it fails, I have failed,’ I try to help them see how they need not make the outcome all about them.

If you can say:  ‘This project is my responsibility and I commit fully to a positive outcome, but whether it succeeds or fails will not impact who I am or how I see myself,’  this is being committed without being attached.

Being committed without being attached includes the possibility of experiencing lightness and fun

One of my favorite books is The Art Of Possibility written by two extraordinary authors: the Psychologist, Rosamund Stone Zander and her husband Benjamin, who is one of world’s preeminent orchestral conductors. It’s  all about how to live a fuller, more creative, generous life.  Rosamund and Benjamin don’t preach. The whole book is made up entirely of wonderfully told, funny, warm and engaging stories: little parables which have made The Art Of Possibility so popular with generative people everywhere.  Like Rosamund and Benjamin Zander, I regard ALL people as creative.  It’s another thing that separates us from Robots…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Happiness is partially … what you do under pressure

Almost anyone can be happy when things are going well.

But the happiest people, also enjoy positive emotions when things aren’t going so well.

Emotional intelligence can help us cope better under pressure and, therefore, enjoy more happiness even during the tough times…

via the Ladders by Marcel Schwantes

In 2016, the World Economic Forum released its fascinating Future of Jobs Report, where they asked chief human resources officers from global companies what they saw as the top 10 job skills required for workers to thrive by 2020.

One skill projected for success in 2020 that didn’t even crack the top 10 list in 2015 was — you guessed it — emotional intelligence.

According to many experts in the field, emotional intelligence has become an important predictor of job success for nearly two decades, even surpassing technical ability.

In one noteworthy CareerBuilder survey of more than 2,600 U.S. hiring managers and human resources professionals, it was found that “fifty-nine percent of employers would not hire someone who has a high IQ but low [emotional intelligence].”

In fact, 75 percent of survey respondents said they’re more likely to promote someone with high emotional intelligence over someone with high IQ.

Companies are placing a high value on workers with emotional intelligence for several reasons. In my own studies and observations over the years as a leadership coach, here are six that really stand out.

1. People with emotional intelligence respond rather than react

So often we react and get defensive when faced with an emotionally charged situation or a difficult co-worker or client. In high-EQ people, once they get a handle on the root cause of a negative emotion (what’s pushing their buttons), they typically respond with a more patient, “keep calm” approach. They’ll process a situation about to go south, get perspective, listen with without judgment, and hold back from reacting head on.

2. People with emotional intelligence show up with their real selves

A common tendency for people at work is to put on a mask that hides who they truly are when faced with difficult people or situations. An emotionally-intelligent worker or leader shows up with integrity and her best and most authentic self; she’ll face those difficult people and situations with unfettered, emotional honesty and transparency…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

The Danes are arguably the happiest people in the world; the reason why might surprise you!

via Big Think by Cole Seidner

The United States of America was ranked the 19^th happiest country in the world in 2016 in the World Happiness Report. A part of America’s unhappiness can be linked to the social structure of the country.

Being American means culturally striving to be the best and going to great pains to differentiate yourself as unique. It is not enough to be on the basketball team in high school, instead you have to be the MVP. It is not enough to get straight As, but you should also take all of the AP and IB classes, and have as many extra-curricular activities as possible at the same time. It’s not enough to work at a large business, you also strive for that cozy CEO position and start that ladder-climb early.

What does that have to do with happiness? Take a look at Denmark, repeatedly voted as the world’s happiest country (although it has just been knocked back to second place in the 2017 World Happiness Report). Denmark’s social structure is very different to that of the US. Danes tend to believe in something called Jante Law, which has 10 rules all around the idea of accepting the average. Quartz reports that Jante Law is everywhere in Denmark, even if no one is discussing or admitting it. In online comic Scandinavia and the World, the character of Denmark has been consistent in its exemplification of Jante even though it’s never named as such.

Jante persists in the culture in every way and, according to Ourhouseinaarhus, even affects the school system. There is no competitive school system, no advanced programs for gifted learners. The schools must all be equal, and the students must help each other rather than vie for ‘the best.’ There are no rewards program, no trophies for the students who graded better. As the blogger commented, the Danish children learn early on about Jante.

The laws themselves are simple. They all encourage the idea that you are average, and that’s just fine…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE (including the list of Jante’s 10 laws)

Get outside and in to nature; it’s really good for you!

Back at work? Doesn’t mean you have to confine yourself to the desk and office.

Busy with parenting and/or household chores? Sure this doesn’t take ALL of your day.

Stuck inside more than you’d like? Get outside! Now; and as much as you can…

…why? Because spending time in nature is good for your health, happiness and wellbeing. And who doesn’t want more health, happiness and wellbeing?

via Bustle by Sanam Yar

Be honest with yourself: Can you remember the last time you truly hung out in nature, reveling in all its tree-dotted glory? Scientific research has long documented how spending time in the great outdoors (and not just as a means to travel from point A to point B) can have numerous benefits for your overall well-being and mental health, and the field is only growing (no pun intended). A recent study, published in The Journal of Positive Psychology, found that even spending as little as five minutes outdoors was linked to a significant mood boost.

In the study, University of Regina students in Canada were assessed in a windowless lab room versus a nature group, where the students got to sit on a bench in “an urban park” on campus. Unsurprisingly, the bench-sitters who experienced five to 15 minutes of nature reported a “reliably improved” emotional state via a significant increase in positive and “self-transcendent” emotions, with the duration outside (five minutes versus 15) having no impact on results.

While millennials tend to be happier in larger, urban environments and are flocking to cities, according to a report by CityLab, that’s no excuse not to incorporate a little more fresh air into your life in order to reap the benefits. Fittingly, here are five ways that being in nature can affect your brain…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

6 Ways to Keep the Energy and Optimism Up During the Dark and Cold Winter

“In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer.”
Albert Camus

“If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.”
Anne Bradstreet 

Up here in Sweden the winter is dark, cold and often comes with a mix of rain and snow.

And spring is still far away.

It is not easy to keep the energy and optimism up like in the bright and warm summer days.

So today I’d like to share 6 habits I use that make it a lot easier to stay positive even throughout this dark and often grey season.

1. Find one of your biggest energy sucks.

Ask yourself: What is the biggest energy suck in my life right now?

You may for example find that it is a person in your life that is very negative.

Or that the report that you have been meaning to finish for a month now is dragging you down.

Then you follow that up with asking:

What is one thing I can do about this?

Maybe you decide that you want stop hanging out with that person. Or at least spend less of the time you have in a week with him or her and more of that time with the people that give you the most energy.

Perhaps you can just set off 5 minutes today to get started again with finishing your report.

For some energy sucks there might not be a simple solution. Or a solution at all, at least at this time.

Then you may want to find one of the lesser leaks in your life that you can actually do something about.

Take a few minutes or half an hour out of your day to plug just one of these biggest leaks and you’ll have more energy to spend on what truly matters to you.

2. Be grateful for the small things and the things you may sometimes take for granted.

When I’m brushing my teeth in the morning and looking out the window over the dark and rainy landscape it is easy to forget about the things I actually have.

Things like:

• A roof over my head and a warm home.
• Clean water.
• Three steady meals every day.

I have found that zooming out on my perspective like this helps out a lot to snap out of any kind of victim thinking and negativity.

3. Vitamin D supplements.

For the past few winters I’ve been taking Vitamin D supplements each day and I’ve found them to give back a lot of the energy I tend to lose during a long winter.

A few people close to me are also taking them and are reporting similar positive effects in varying degrees.

4. A light-therapy lamp.

I bought a rather inexpensive light therapy lamp last fall (I think it cost about $60) but I used it haphazardly and without much consistency.

This winter I had a better two-step plan:

• I put the lamp very near the couch in my workroom.
• Each afternoon at around 3 pm I do a bit of reading (fiction, personal development books or online business blogs) for about 30-40 minutes while keeping my face close to the lamp.

I’ve been doing this for about two months now and I’ve found that I’ve got more energy and it’s even easier to keep the optimism up (especially during the dark evenings).

Plus, I’ve gotten quite a bit more reading done compared to the past few winters.

5. Exercise.

An obvious but a very effective one.

Regular exercise will give you more energy. It will help you to release inner tensions, anxiety and stress.

And so it will be easier to stay relaxed, positive and to think clearly with less overthinking and to act decisively.

6. Take action and move forward.

Few things create so much frustration, worries and anxiety as sitting on your hands and doing nothing.

So even though it might be a little extra tough to get started or to keep going with your dreams and goals during this season remind yourself that if you do you will replace those feelings and thoughts above with optimism and self-confidence.

And remember that you do not have to go forward in big or quick leaps.

The most important thing is simply that you move forward. Even if it is by just taking one small or slow step after another.

Because those steps will quickly add up over the weeks even if they may not look so impressive in themselves.

It’s OK to fail; most people do BEFORE they succeed!

Happiness is NOT about smiling all the time.

And success is NOT about winning all the time.

In fact, happiness and success is just as much about managing sad or bad times AND dealing with adversity.

If you doubt this, check out these amazingly successful people who utterly failed earlier in their lives…

via Buzzfeed by Spencer Althouse

We asked the BuzzFeed Community to tell us their favorite stories about famous people who “failed” before making it big. Here are the inspiring results.

Note: Not all submissions are from Community users.

1. Chris Pratt was homeless and lived in a van in Maui when he was 19. Almost 20 years later, he returned to Hawaii and was paid $10 million to film Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom.

At one point, he worked as a waiter and would eat customers’ leftover food so he wouldn’t go hungry.

2. Lisa Kudrow was originally cast as Roz on Frasier but was fired two days into rehearsals. A year later, she landed the role of Phoebe on Friends.

She also auditioned to be on Saturday Night Live but ultimately lost out to Julia Sweeney. Six years later, she hosted the show herself.

3. Chrissy Metz only had 81 cents in her bank account when she booked This Is Us.

And she wasn’t even sure if she’d have enough gas in her car to get to the audition!

4. Sylvester Stallone was once so poor that he sold his beloved dog for $40 so he could buy food. Years later, he sold the script for Rocky, which brought him two Oscar nominations.

After Stallone became successful, he bought his dog back: “The owner knew I was desperate, and he charged me $15,000. He was worth every penny!”

5. Vera Wang trained to be a figure skater but didn’t make the Olympic team. Her fallback was fashion, and after a few decades she started her own company when she was 40.

She worked as an editor for Vogue and later worked as a designer for Ralph Lauren. Then, in 1990, she started her own company…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

How happy people get the balance right

via Forbes by Paloma Cantero-Gomez

Since the moment we stop confusing happiness with getting what we want or merely reaching our goals, we start heading down the right path. Greeks already got it right when defining happiness as “the joy that we feel when we’re striving after our potential.” Indeed, and despite the hedonistic streams of thought widely rooted in the current culture, happiness has a lot to be with doing what is right and learning to love it. Immediate pleasure and rewards that do not help us to unleash our best personal version are quite far from falling into the happiness concept. For an action to bring us happiness, it has to be right per sei, and it has to help us to fully exercise our personal freedom for achieving excellence.

Happiness is achieved through a favorable combination of the destination and the journey. Happiness is achieved through a favorable combination of the destination and the journey. Without the right destination, there is no way to walk a happy path. But without a happy path, negativity can diminish the value of the destination and pose a significant block to walking towards it. Happiness thus is not just about reaching or achieving even though when the aim is right.  It can not be only focused on the peak of the mountain but nurtured itself along the climbing process.

Happiness, after all, is an inner choice. Intelligent beings have the ability to choose what is right and make them better despite the ultimate challenges that need to be overcome. As intelligent beings inclined to what is good, humans all pursue happiness even when they are not aware of it. Happiness seems desirable and so easy on paper. But reality sometimes is quite more complicated, and the fast-moving track defining modern culture tend to actually make things a little bit more complicated. Speed and development are good but come also associated with an incredible amount of choices and opportunities for growth that may appear overwhelming.

Part of choosing the right means to keep the right balance. Setting the proper ground for identifying and pursuing with joy what makes us better requires high standards of both internal and external balance. In the satisfaction-model proposed by Stephen Gribben in his book Key Coaching Models, the healthy perspective of getting the equilibrium between confidence and challenge is what enables people to make the adjustments required to find the balance to happiness.

Confidence is the first element of this model measuring the individual believe in our own value, strengths and core beliefs. Meanwhile, Challengerepresents the satisfaction, meaning, and sense of achievement experienced from what we are doing. Satisfaction comes from the ability to get the right balance between our own level of confidence and challenge. By pushing too much into the challenge direction, we risk developing stressful behaviors that may blur both the path and the destination. Contrary, by standing too much in the Confidence line we risk stopping unleashing our full potential what will prevent us from continuing walking the way.

So how to get this balance to happiness right?

There are four necessary steps required to create a meaningful and sustainable equilibrium that drives you for better…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

7 strategies to strengthen your relationships

One of the founders of the Positive Psychology movement famously said, when it comes to happiness and life satisfaction … other people matter.

Happiness is NOT a solo-sport; it’s a team effort.

And the quality of our relationships is vital for our health, happiness and wellbeing.

So if you’d like to improve your relationships, keep reading…

via Psychology Today by Ronald Riggio

There are a number of well-researched psychological strategies that can help strengthen your love relationships. Here are seven strategies, the psychology behind them, and how to use them.

1. The Expectancy Effect. This is one of the most researched psychological phenomena. Psychologist Robert Rosenthal demonstrated that by holding positive expectations about another’s behavior, we can subtly influence their behavior in a good way (the “I-know-you-can-do-it” effect). Holding positive expectations about your loved one (“You are a good person”; “I think you are fabulous”; “You will succeed”) can not only make them feel better, but make them perform better as well.

2. Positive Social Support. Considerable research shows that giving positive support to a stressed loved one can help them cope. The key, however, is to avoid negativity in the supportive relationship. Examples of negative social support are comments like “I told you so,” or lashing out in a scolding or punitive manner. Be positively supportive by listening rather than telling. If your partner primarily needs to be heard and understood, be empathic and supportive (see empathic listening below). If problem solving is in order, try to help solve the problem. Be what your loved one needs at the given time. If in doubt, ask.

3. Norm of Reciprocity. This is the “one good turn deserves another” phenomenon that has important implications for all of the other strategies. In essence, the norm of reciprocity states that if someone does us a favor, we feel indebted and there is a psychological motivation to return the favor. So, if our partner compliments us, we feel the urge to return the compliment. The key is to keep the norm in positive territory – focusing on our loved one’s positive attributes and behaviors. Compliment, perform some favor, help out with some chore – and you will usually receive something positive in return…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

10 doubts stopping you from being your best (and what you can do about them)

Happiness and success is not about being perfect or knowing it all.

But self-doubt can definitely undermine the actions required to be your best and enjoy success and happiness.

Self-doubt can eat away at confidence and perceived control, creating anxiety and uncertainty rather than satisfaction, contentment and happiness.

But the good news is that awareness of self-doubts is the first step to overcoming self-doubts; and this great article will help almost all of us…

via the Ladders by Christoper D Connors

“If you hear a voice within you say you cannot paint, then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.” ― Vincent Willem van Gogh

I’m going to let you in on a big secret that is going to stop you right in your tracks and boost your confidence: You have the ideas, beliefs and courage to live the life you truly want. You may not have every piece of the puzzle just yet. You may not have the blueprint or plan. And perhaps you haven’t yet activated your dreams.

But this whole thing called life — and living it on YOUR terms — isn’t nearly as complicated as WE make it out to be. It’s not others who are culpable of making things more complicated for us. It’s ourselves. It’s called doubt and it can cripple the best of us — even those of us who are motivated, self-aware and full of dreams and positive energy.

As I’ve written about previously, we rarely talk much about doubt. It can be embarrassing. We become self-conscious and unwilling to want to admit to others — much less ourselves — how much it may be robbing us of the life we want. It’s worth opening up the conversation on this pernicious enemy, largely because it’s the secret battle all of us fight — and many of us are (ironically) to fearful to open up about.

According to Merriam-Webster, doubt is, “to call into question the truth of: to be uncertain.”

It is also to demonstrate a lack of confidence. The key to a happy, purpose-driven life is a foundation of faith and confidence. You must believe in yourself. You must trust your thoughts and how you will respond to all the events and stimuli in your life.

When you are confident, you believe that anything is possible. You think more clearly, with an open-mind and heart. You’re willing to reject fear, take risks and better identify with your positive and negative emotions. Confidence permeates your thoughts and drives your actions. Doubt crushes them.

Through deep reflection, we can realize that doubt, when analyzed in isolation, can actually help us frame up what matters most to us. Every time I know I’m on the right track, I intuitively feel it. Hopefully you do, too. You know it’s right, you lean into it and let the positive energy propel you forward. Here, you’re able to dissect doubt and understand that it’s just a part of the human experience.

I’ve learned there are 10 major causes of doubt. It’s not just important to identify these causes, it’s imperative for us to combat them, and have a plan to triumph over what can sink us, if we let it. Read these through. Come back to these during moments of weakness. You already have what it takes. You just need these tools and techniques to help you embrace the challenges of each day.

1. Doubt of what others may think of your new, bold future plans

You want to launch your own consulting business. You want to become an artist or software developer full-time. Maybe you just want to change careers, try out something you’ve always loved but have been too afraid to do, or maybe you want to go “all in” with committing to that special person in your life. And yet, once you find your mind moving forward, it seems like your legs buckle and suddenly you’re stuck.

“How could I possibly let someone else’s spoken opinion, or my own perception, prevent me from moving in a direction my head and heart are leading me toward?”

My coaching work, as well as academic research, has led me to believe that this is the number one cause of doubt that leads to inaction. We doubt ourselves because we worry about what others may think of the ideas or plans that mean so much to us, that they couldn’t possibly have enough knowledge and depth of understanding for.

Solution: Commit to a two-step plan: Speak and write your future plans and desires over your life. Step one is to have the awareness and willingness to communicate these plans. Step two is having the courage and willingness to act on what you believe. Find time alone in solitude to do this exercise. Then, start implementing a routine to ensure you commit to action.

2. Doubt of whether you have what it takes to do what you truly want

This most closely resembles Impostor Syndrome. Either that you’re not sure that you can succeed, or you doubt your previous accomplishments. No matter how accomplished or skilled you are, if you doubt who you are, you’ve already lost.

Solution: Develop a mantra. Mine is, “I’m really good at being me.” I also use, “Today is a big step closer to living the life I want.” These are positive affirmations that we speak over our lives. Their inspirational and encouraging and they help feed our conscious and subconscious minds. They help us creating the story that we want to write over our lives.

“Believe in your infinite potential. Your only limitations are those you set upon yourself. Believe in yourself, your abilities and your own potential. Never let self-doubt hold you captive. You are worthy of all that you dream of and hope for.” ― Roy T. Bennett

3. Doubt about whether you can overcome your past

The coaching work I’ve done has taught me that people get caught living in the past, and forget to be present for today and their future. This is where mindfulness comes in. Take this from the Harvard GSE:

“By approaching [what you do] with mindfulness, you decrease the amount of energy you spend worrying about the past or the future, and you increase the amount of attention you give to present and positive experiences. But because stress and worrying can be so ingrained, you have to practice (and keep practicing) the skills and habits you need to keep your attention on the present.”

Solution: The truth is, most people aren’t really watching, or they’re so wrapped up and absorbed in their own affairs, they’re not even aware of any of your past struggles or stumbles. The doubt that plays on our minds is the perceived care that others are remembering us or thinking of us for our failures. They’re probably not. But even if they are, isn’t that great motivation to re-write the ending to your Hollywood script?

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Answer these questions to get your 2019 off to a positive start!

Below are a few questions I posed in my weekly eNewsletter this morning; I invite you all to consider and try to answer them as best you can … 

• What one goal or change have you been thinking about for a while now?
• What one step can you take to get started on it?
• What one thought could you repeat to yourself to provide motivation and positive energy?
• Which one person do you have in your life that could help you achieve what you want to achieve?
• What’s your greatest strength or attribute and how can you use this effectively?
• What can you do to make working on this task / project fun and enjoyable?

So that’s it … find answers to these questions and get started on them ASAP. Don’t wait until the conditions are perfect; don’t put it off until tomorrow. Take at least one small step today; then another tomorrow; and continue! 

Regardless of your age, you really ought to get on to mastering these 20 things

Happiness is many things but it’s almost certainly, at least in part, having a sense of mastery.

When we believe we’re good at something and feel in control, we feel happier.

And the good things is mastery can be learned; practice any skill for long enough and you’ll improve. Increasing mastery will increase happiness…

via the Ladders by Shana Lebowitz and Rachel Gillett

No one ever really feels like a “grown-up.” But if you’re approaching 40, well, you are one.

And it’s high time you refined some crucial life skills, from staying healthy to saving money.

Below, we’ve listed 20 skills you should master before you enter your 40s.

Negotiating

If the thought of getting into a debate with your boss over how much money you deserve makes you nauseated, you’re not alone. It helps to both research and practice, as much as you can stand.

If you’re negotiating your salary, the best strategy both for getting what you want and still coming off as friendly is to ask for a range including and above your target number. For example, if you’re aiming for a $100,000 salary, you’d suggest a $100,000 to $120,000 salary.

Another trick is to frame your proposal in terms of what you’re giving the other person as opposed to what they’re losing. So instead of saying, “I want $10,000 for my car,” you’d say, “I’ll give you my car for $10,000.”

Establishing a regular sleep schedule

We know it’s hard to hear, but it’s helpful to wake up at the same time every day — even on weekends. If you oversleep for even a few days, experts say you risk resetting your body clock to a different cycle, so you’ll start getting tired later in the day.

On a related note: Experts also advise against hitting “snooze” and going back to sleep when your alarm goes off in the morning. Instead, hit the snooze button once and use the time until your alarm goes off again to turn on a lamp and do some light stretching.

Making small talk at parties

Chances are good that, if you’re feeling awkward about chatting with a bunch of impressive people you’ve never met, other people are feeling the same way.

But as Marjorie Gubelmann, CEO of Vie Luxe, told Oprah.com: “Even if you won’t know anyone and you’re feeling intimidated, you must go. Do not stay home. So many people are afraid that no one will talk to them and they’ll leave feeling awful — but has that ever happened to you?”

One solid way to improve your small-talk skills— and alleviate some of the pressure you feel — is simply to demonstrate interest in your conversation partner. Ask the person questions, let them talk about themselves, and allow them to teach you something.

Finding and sticking to an exercise routine you enjoy

A professor of behavioral medicine told The New York Times that research suggests people who dislike or feel inept at their workouts are unlikely to continue. So experiment and find an activity you really love, whether that’s spinning, Zumba, or weightlifting.

Remember: In your 30s, you start losing muscle mass, so it’s especially important to exercise at this time.

Finding your career ‘sweet spot’

Brian Fetherstonhaugh, worldwide chief talent officer at The Ogilvy Group, writes on TIME.com: “Your career sweet spot is the intersection of three things: what you’re good at, what you love to do, and what the world values.”

He says you should “use your 30s to test out hypotheses,” like whether you’re skilled enough in one area to make a career of it…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

A simple but powerful way to overcome anxiety

Anxiety and worry are two of the biggest killers of happiness.

It’s hard to be happy if you’re constantly thinking about what could go wrong!

But the good news is that anxiety and anxious thoughts can be managed; and as a result, happiness can be more enjoyed…

via the Ladders by Ashley Abramson

Imagine you’re doing something that gives you anxiety or causes you stress. Maybe you’re about to have a difficult conversation with your boss, or perhaps you’re getting ready for a party where you’ll bump into people you haven’t seen in ages. If your heart is starting to beat faster, you’re not alone. But what if a simple perspective shift could help you manage the clammy hands and racing heartbeat that come with your anxiety — and even help you to be a little thankful for what you’re feeling?

When it comes to negative emotions like stress, anxiety, and even depression, your perception matters: There’s scientific evidence that how we think about our emotions drastically affects how we feel. Have you ever noticed that focusing on how stressful something is makes it feel even more stressful? The reverse can be true too. By focusing on the positive parts of an experience, you can actually reduce stress. … 

… keep reading the full & original article HERE

7 secrets to having a long and happy life

Happiness is now!

But happiness is also looking forward to a positive tomorrow, next week and beyond.

Living a good life, in fact living your best life, is not just now but the medium and long term future as well.

In yet another great article, Eric Barker shares 7 lessons from the research that I’m sure you’ll find helpful…

via Eric Barker’s Barking Up The Wrong Tree

There are plenty of ways to make your life a little better. But making your life longer is trickier. Does any of that anti-aging stuff work? Let’s ask an expert…

Thomas T. Perls, M.D., M.P.H, is the director of the New England Centenarian Study, and an associate professor of medicine and geriatrics at Boston University’s med school. What say you, Tom?

A good start to adding more good years to your life would be to get rid of the anti-aging quackery… These guys are just trying to sell you stuff. What does work is living the lifestyle of those who we know are living longer, like those people, I suppose, living in the Blue Zones.

Ouch. No magic pill to prevent aging. But what did he say at the end there? What the heck is a “Blue Zone”? Gimme a sec while I put my research hat on…

A while back a bunch of demographers published a paper in the journal Experimental Gerontology about a place in the Barbagia region of Sardinia where people lived exceptionally long, healthy lives. (They circled it on the map with a blue pen and the name “Blue Zone” stuck.) Well, some place has to have the people who live the longest, right? Just random…

Actually, no. Because they started to find other Blue Zones. Areas where people were up to three times more likely to live to 100 than the average American. And they didn’t just live long — they lived well. Healthier. Happier. Fewer diseases. More energy. Hmm. Care to take a quick trip around the world with me? (We’ll have separate hotel rooms, I promise.)

Okinawa, Japan has the highest life expectancy in the world. Their rate of cardiovascular disease is 20% that of the US. Breast and prostate cancer? 25% as often. And dementia is one-third as likely.

Men from Nicoya, a peninsula off the Pacific Coast of Costa Rica, have twice the chance of making it to age 90 as men from the US, France, or Japan. It took them a while to even realize this was a Blue Zone because life expectancy is so low in neighboring countries that mortality studies didn’t even bother to ask if anyone lived past 80.

In Loma Linda — just 60 miles outside Los Angeles — people live more than 7 years longer than the average Californian. When researchers interviewed a woman there she told them a story about when her father got gored by a bull. Cool story but what’s cooler is that the event happened 107 years ago. Lydia just turned 112.

What the heck is going on in these places? We know magic pills don’t work. Must be due to good genes, right? Wrong:

Scientific studies suggest that only about 25 percent of how long we live is dictated by genes, according to famous studies of Danish twins. The other 75 percent is determined by our lifestyles and the everyday choices we make. It follows that if we optimize our lifestyles, we can maximize our life expectancies within our biological limits.

So demographers, doctors, and scientists collaborated with the National Institute on Aging to get to the bottom of this, analyzing what these groups ate, how much exercise they got, how they socialized, etc.

These are very different places with very different people — but they found patterns. Much of the data is correlational. We can’t just say “do this and you’ll live to 100.” There’s no magic formula. But certain activities, behaviors and rituals came up again and again that seem to point to lessons that might help us all live longer, healthier, happier lives.

Ready, Methuselah? Let’s get to it…

Inconvenience Yourself

A better header would have been, “Exercise.” But if I said that, you wouldn’t do it. And, to be totally honest here, the Blue Zone people (if I say “Blue People” you might think I mean Smurfs) never deliberately exercise either.

But they move. A lot. Their lives are more active — but not in a “Aw, crap, now I have to put on my Nikes and go to Zumba class” kinda way. Activity is built into their day.

From The Blue Zones: 9 Lessons for Living Longer From the People Who’ve Lived the Longest:

…they engage in regular, low-intensity physical activity, often as part of a daily work routine. Male centenarians in Sardinia’s Blue Zone worked most of their lives as shepherds, a profession that involved miles of hiking every day. Okinawans garden for hours each day, growing food for their tables. Adventists take nature walks.

So don’t worry about the gym. But engage in activities you enjoy. Or just make your life a little less convenient. Take the stairs. Don’t drive when you can walk.

(To learn more about how you and your children can lead a successful life, check out my bestselling book here.)

Now we all know that eating is key to health and longevity. So let’s learn a very helpful concept that is easy to use but kinda tricky to say…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE