Living the good life – it might be easier than you think!

via Inc.com by Jessica Stillman 

Reading advice on how to live a good life can be exhausting. Besides chasing material success and endlessly pushing yourself to learn and grow, we’re also bombarded with endless advice on self-actualization, from mindfulness to cultivating vulnerability to pursuing hobbies and staying in physical shape.

Taken together all this makes life seem hard. No wonder so many of us feel like we must be failing to achieve the good life. But maybe the problem isn’t your accomplishments. Maybe, suggests a fascinating new study, the problem is your expectations. The good life, if you define it properly, might be way more within reach than you think

People’s surprisingly modest definition of the good life.

Success, as I have pointed out many times in this column before, is a meaningless word unless you personally define it. One woman’s ideal life is another’s nightmare. There is no universal yardstick. But according to this new Australian research recently published in Psychological Science there is a surprising amount of agreement around the world about what the good life roughly looks like.

When a team of researchers asked around 8,000 people from across the globe exactly what constituted the perfect life, on average they reported they wanted to live to 90 and have an IQ of 120. Good health was very important, they responded, but spending about 75 percent of their time happy was good enough to qualify as ideal.

What do you notice about these responses? One trait stuck out to University of Queensland psychologist Matthew J. Hornsey, one of the authors of the study. “People’s sense of perfection is surprisingly modest,” he commented. “People wanted to have positive qualities, such as health and happiness, but not to the exclusion of other darker experiences.”

Ninety, for instance, is only slightly more than current life expectancy in most developed countries. An IQ of 120 is smart, but it’s not genius level. And while people’s preferences varied slightly between different countries and cultural backgrounds, an achievable sense of the good life was consistent around the world.

The “principle of maximization is threaded through many prominent philosophical and economic theories,, but our data suggest that people have much more complex, blended notions of perfection, ones that embrace both light and dark,” Hornsey concluded…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

5 easy ways to practice mindfulness in every day life

Mindfulness is a proven strategy for boosting happiness and wellbeing.

But just like happiness, mindfulness can be challenging and elusive.

So here are 5 simple ways to build mindfulness (and ultimately, happiness) in to your daily living…

via Elite Daily by Georgina Berbari

When you think of mindfulness, I’m willing to bet some of the images that immediately pop into your mind include yoga mats, people humming “om,” and weird, transcendental music. And yeah, practicing mindfulness can include all of those things, but it can also be way less complicated than all of that. Mindfulness doesn’t have to entail hour-long meditation sessions or ancient mantras that you say aloud over and over again. There are plenty of easy ways to practice mindfulness in your everyday life, because the thing is, you can be mindful at any time, anywhere — no yoga mats or spiritual guides required.

According to Lisa Sussman, LMHC, clinical director at The Palm Beach Institute, a Delphi Behavioral Health Group, mindfulness is the practice of being fully aware and grounded in the present moment, while taking into account your feelings and thoughts without judging them. But being ~in the moment~ without judgment is a skill that requires ongoing, repetitive practice, Sussman tells Elite Daily over email, which is why it can often seem like a ridiculous amount of work that not everyone is willing to take on.

Pax Tandon, a mindfulness expert and author of the book Mindfulness Matters: A Guide to Mastering Your Life, says mindfulness can sometimes be challenging for beginners because they’ve never actually stopped to be in the moment before. It’s pretty likely that your mind is constantly running or craving stimulation of some kind, she says — you’ve just never realized that that’s how your brain works most of the time. “But we’re human beings, not human doings,” Tandon tells Elite Daily over email. “We need to learn to slow down and just be present to the miracle of being alive.”

The good news is, mindfulness can easily be integrated into your routine because so many of the daily tasks you might take for granted — eating, walking, listening to music — are all primed for more mindfulness. But it’s up to you to challenge your mindset and truly place yourself in the present moment as you’re doing these things.

Try Walking Mindfully

According to Tandon, walking mindfully simply means concentrating your attention fully on the act of walking — so yes, scrolling through Twitter while you walk doesn’t count. “This is best done in a contained space, like a garden, where you can walk about 10 feet in one direction, turn around, and walk back again,” Tandon tells Elite Daily.

Walking mindfully, she says, will allow you to move the focus away from where you’re going directionally, and shift it toward the act of walking itself. “Try placing your attention on each element of your stride — from when you step forward and feel your leg muscles activate, to when your heel hits the ground, to the forward action of your foot as it lowers to the ground,” Tandon explains. She recommends tuning into specific sensations here, like the feeling you get as the ball of your foot makes contact with the ground, “the counterposed action of your toes first relaxing onto the ground, and then the pressure as you push off of them.”

… keep reading the full & original article HERE

There’s so much we can learn from the ancient philosophers including these 4 things about happiness

via the Ladders by Eric Barker

You’ve probably heard about Stoics or Stoicism — and most of what you know is wrong.

They weren’t joyless bores. The ancient Stoics were the first lifehackers: The Original Gangsters of Making Life Awesome.

Via A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy:

The Stoics …were very much interested in human psychology and were not at all averse to using psychological tricks to overcome certain aspects of human psychology, such as the presence in us of negative emotion.

Awesome. But does the Old World hold up when it meets the New World? Does science agree with the thinkers of antiquity?

Absolutely. I enthusiastically, maybe even frantically, suggest you “roll old school.”

In the past, I’ve looked at the science behind Dale Carnegie’s old saws about getting along with people. Let’s give the same treatment to classical thinkers.

Where do science and the great minds of the old world agree when it comes to living the good life?

1) “What’s the worst that could happen?”

Ever asked that? Congrats, you’re a stoic philosopher.

“Negative Visualization” is one of the main tools of Stoicism.

Really thinking about just how awful things can be often has the ironic effect of making you realize they’re not that bad.

From my interview with Oliver Burkeman, author of The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can’t Stand Positive Thinking:

It’s what the Stoics call, “the premeditation” – that there’s actually a lot of peace of mind to be gained in thinking carefully and in detail and consciously about how badly things could go. In most situations you’re going to discover that your anxiety or your fears about those situations were exaggerated.

In fact, the Stoics pushed it further: take a second and imagine losing the things that matter to you most. Family. Friends.

Yes, it’s scary. But doesn’t it make you appreciate them all that much more when you take the time to think about losing them?

A few seconds of thinking about loss can dramatically boost gratitude.

Via A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy:

At spare moments in the day, make it a point to contemplate the loss of whatever you value in life. It can make you realize, if only for a time, how lucky you are — how much you have to be thankful for, almost regardless of your circumstances …

And science agrees: Practicing gratitude is at the center of the single most proven technique for boosting happiness: 3 blessings.

Though deliberately thinking about losing stuff may sound morbid, the fact that it taps into emotions is powerfully motivating.

Gratitude is how you stop taking things for granted. How you stay happy after the newness of things is gone. How you keep love alive.

(More on negative visualization here.)

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

If you aspire to be one thing, make it this…

by Dr Happy (aka Dr Tim Sharp)

I’m often asked about “the secret” to happiness; or the “one” suggestion I’d make to those who want to be happier…

…but I’m always reluctant to answer these questions because there isn’t just one secret or one thing. And even if there were, it would be different for all of us!

That being said, there are a few fundamental principles without which we’ll struggle to life a good life; and with which we’ll significantly increase our chances of health, happiness and success in all ways.

One of these is … being kind. 

Albert Schweitzer once said, “Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate.”

And Ralph Waldo Emerson has been quoted as noting that “You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.”

Just imagine a world in which we were all kind to each other; caring and compassionate; tolerant of differences and patient in the face of adversity or challenges.

In some ways, this is the easy part; a more difficult aspect of kindness, for many of us anyway, is self-kindness! Yet as Kristen Neff, one of the world’s leading experts on self-compassion argues, treating ourselves as well as we might treat others brings with it numerous health and wellbeing benefits, along with (to name just a few) higher levels of motivation, perseverance and even will-power.

…So that’s today’s mailing. Take some time to reflect upon the message and how it might apply to you. Check out, also, the links below for some additional readings and resources.

I hope it helps you enjoy some more happiness. Until next time…

Keep well & keep smiling
Tim Sharp (aka Dr Happy)

11 things to do every, single day if you want to be happier

via Inc.com by Jeff Haden

Obviously, we all want to be happier. But there’s another reason to wish to be more lighthearted and content: Happiness is definitely a result, but happiness is also a driver.

While I’m definitely into finding ways to improve personal productivity (whether a one-day burst of output, or a lifetime of increased effectiveness, or things you should not do every day), probably the best way to be more productive is to just be happier.

Happy people accomplish more.

Easier said than done though, right?

Actually, many changes are easy. Here are 11 science-based ways to be happier from BelleBeth Cooper, co-founder of Hello Code, which makes Exist, a cool app that connects all of your services to turn that data into insights about your life.

Here’s Belle Beth:

1. Smile more.

Smiling can make us feel better, but it’s more effective when we back it up with positive thoughts, according to this study:

“A new study led by a Michigan State University business scholar suggests customer-service workers who fake smile throughout the day worsen their mood and withdraw from work, affecting productivity. But workers who smile as a result of cultivating positive thoughts–such as a tropical vacation or a child’s recital–improve their mood and withdraw less.”

Of course, it’s important to practice “real smiles” where you use your eye sockets. (You’ve seen fake smiles that don’t reach the person’s eyes. Try it. Smile with just your mouth. Then smile naturally; your eyes narrow. There’s a huge difference between a fake smile and a genuine smile.)

According to PsyBlog, smiling can improve our attention and help us perform better on cognitive tasks:

“Smiling makes us feel good, which also increases our attentional flexibility and our ability to think holistically. When this idea was tested by Johnson et al (2010), the results showed that participants who smiled performed better on attentional tasks which required seeing the whole forest rather than just the trees.”

A smile is also a good way to reduce some of the pain we feel in troubling circumstances:

“Smiling is one way to reduce the distress caused by an upsetting situation. Psychologists call this the facial feedback hypothesis. Even forcing a smile when we don’t feel like it is enough to lift our mood slightly (this is one example of embodied cognition).”

2. Exercise for seven minutes.

Think exercise is something you don’t have time for? Think again. Check out this seven-minute workout from The New York Times. That’s a workout any of us can fit into our schedules.

Exercise has such a profound effect on our happiness and well-being that it is an effective strategy for overcoming depression. In a study cited in Shawn Achor’s book The Happiness Advantage, three groups of patients treated their depression with medication, exercise, or a combination of the two.

The results of this study are surprising: Although all three groups experienced similar improvements in their happiness levels early on, the follow-up assessments proved to be radically different:

“The groups were tested six months later to assess their relapse rate. Of those who had taken the medication alone, 38 percent had slipped back into depression. Those in the combination group were doing only slightly better, with a 31 percent relapse rate. The biggest shock, though, came from the exercise group: Their relapse rate was only 9 percent.”

You don’t have to be depressed to benefit from exercise, though. Exercise can help you relax, increase your brainpower, and even improve your body image, even if you don’t lose any weight.

We’ve explored exercise in depth before, and looked at what it does to our brains, such as releasing proteins and endorphins that make us feel happier.

A study in the Journal of Health Psychology found that people who exercised felt better about their bodies even when they saw no physical changes:

“Body weight, shape and body image were assessed in 16 males and 18 females before and after both 6 x 40 minutes exercising and 6 x 40 minutes reading. Over both conditions, body weight and shape did not change. Various aspects of body image, however, improved after exercise compared to before.”

Yep: Even if your actual appearance doesn’t change, how you feel about your body does change.

3. Sleep more.

We know that sleep helps our body recover from the day and repair itself and that it helps us focus and be more productive. It turns out sleep is also important for happiness.

In NutureShock, Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman explain how sleep affects positivity:

“Negative stimuli get processed by the amygdala; positive or neutral memories get processed by the hippocampus. Sleep deprivation hits the hippocampus harder than the amygdala. The result is that sleep-deprived people fail to recall pleasant memories yet recall gloomy memories just fine.

“In one experiment by Walker, sleep-deprived college students tried to memorize a list of words. They could remember 81 percent of the words with a negative connotation, like cancer. But they could remember only 31 percent of the words with a positive or neutral connotation, like sunshine or basket.”

The BPS Research Digest explores another study that proves sleep affects our sensitivity to negative emotions. Using a facial recognition task throughout the course of a day, researchers studied how sensitive participants were to positive and negative emotions. Those who worked through the afternoon without taking a nap became more sensitive to negative emotions like fear and anger.

“Using a face recognition task, here we demonstrate an amplified reactivity to anger and fear emotions across the day, without sleep. However, an intervening nap blocked and even reversed this negative emotional reactivity to anger and fear while conversely enhancing ratings of positive (happy) expressions.”

Of course, how well (and how long) you sleep will probably affect how you feel when you wake up, which can make a difference to your whole day.

Another study tested how employees’ moods when they started work in the morning affected their entire workday.

“Researchers found that employees’ moods when they clocked in tended to affect how they felt the rest of the day. Early mood was linked to their perceptions of customers and to how they reacted to customers’ moods.”

And, most important to managers, employee mood had a clear impact on performance, including both how much work employees performed and how well they performed it…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

11 ways to take care of yourself … that don’t cost a cent!

Happiness … it’s up to you!

Happiness … is not being selfish; but it does require self-care.

If happiness is at least partly about what you think and what you do, how you interact with others and how you interact with yourself … then all these things are YOUR responsibility.

Happiness is, therefore, taking care of yourself so you can then take care of others.

And here are 11 ways you can take care of yourself without spending a cent…

via Elite Daily by Georgina Berbari

Everywhere you turn these days, there’s an incredible amount of emphasis placed on self-care in the form of face masks, bubble baths, and other (ahem, overpriced) products that claim to banish your stress and help you find ~inner peace~. Honestly, though, sometimes you just don’t have the time, let alone the money for such elaborate purchases and rituals. Still, that doesn’t mean you should neglect yourself or your needs. There are so many easy ways to practice self-care that won’t cost a single penny or take up a huge chunk of your day, but will still leave you feeling centered, balanced, and brimming with self-assurance.

According to Kea Meyers Duggan, a life and career coach and the founder ofThe Aha! Project, self-care of any kind is vitally important, and should never be brushed aside. “Seemingly we are in this hustle-and-grind culture where we’re always onto the next thing, but never appreciating or taking stock in what we just accomplished,” Duggan tells Elite Daily over email. “Or, we simply fill our calendars with busy work or meetings and social events, and places where we give our time, talents, and expertise away to others before ever tending to ourselves.”

Sound familiar? Well, pouring from an empty cup, more often than not, can leave you feeling devalued, drained, and even aggravated — but that’s where simple self-care practices come in. “Self-care is a way to fill your gas tank or your cup,” Duggan says. “[Caring for yourself] is not selfish; it’s actually quite the opposite. If you are not replenishing your mind, body, and spirit, you can’t expect to be able to give effectively to others.”

Here are 11 easy self-care practices that will fill your metaphorical cup to the brim, so you can pour freely and generously, and in turn, be able to live your life as wholly as you deserve to.

Try “Box Breathing”

Learning how to breathe properly sounds like such a simple thing, but in truth, it can be such a game-changer when it comes to relieving stress, especially when that anxiety just builds and builds and builds.

Box-breathing is one of Duggan’s favorite self-care tips that she shares with her clients because it’s an incredibly easy method for grounding yourself whenever you’re feeling stressed or anxious.

One of the best things about this breathing technique, Duggan says, is that you can do it just about anywhere. Here’s how it’s done: First, exhale any air in your lungs. Slowly breathe in, filling your belly (your diaphragm, specifically) first, then your lungs, for a count of four. Duggan says it’s key here to be very intentional on your inhale. Next, hold your breath for four seconds, then exhale slowly for a count of four.

Set Healthy Boundaries

When’s the last time you set some clear and necessary boundaries in a situation where they were long overdue? Jennifer L. FitzPatrick, a licensed clinical social worker and author of the book Cruising Through Caregiving,tells Elite Daily that her top piece of self-care advice for her clients is to be more mindful of boundaries. “Many of us need more boundaries in our lives. Setting boundaries is critical for self-care, so commit to setting firm boundaries with everyone in your life,” she says.

Consider where you should be saying “no” more often in your life in order to reduce your stress. Maybe it’s in your romantic relationship, at work with your colleagues, in your family, or even in your own friendships. “When we don’t set boundaries, our schedules become unmanageable and we deplete ourselves,” FitzPatrick says. “This is why healthy boundary-setting is so crucial to good mental health.”

Turn Off Technology During Your Morning Coffee Or Tea

According to Sarah Thacker, a therapist and health coach who specializes in working with women who struggle with emotional eating, an absurdly simple, but incredibly helpful self-care practice is making sure to switch off all forms of technology first thing in the morning — that means no email, social media, or TV until you’ve finished sipping and enjoying your morning bev. “While you’re having your morning coffee or tea, take a mindful minute to breathe deeply,” Thacker tells Elite Daily over email. This will help you begin your day on a completely clean slate, without the anticipation of worrying about what needs to get done or what will come next…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

7 habits to create to be more inspired at work

It’s been said that happiness is …

… having something to do, someone to love, and something to hope for.

Happiness, for most of us therefore, includes our work because more often than not that’s a bit part of our “to do”.

Be more inspired at work, then, and enjoy more happiness by developing these 7 habits…

via the Ladders by Linda le Phan

A shocking 85% of employees say they are not engaged or are actively disengaged at work.

And although it is unrealistic to be actively thrilled by each and every day of work (even if your job or company is awesome), if you’re finding that you’re getting more and more disengaged and uninspired over time – rather than just once in a while – you should probably start doing something about it.

Here are some useful strategies to feel more inspired at work when you find yourself dreading going to work or feeling “blah” most days:

Set challenges for yourself

Settling into the same old routine may feel boring after a while, so spice things up by getting into the competitive spirit. Setting challenges for yourself is a great way to feel more motivated by your work. Think about your short, medium, and long-term goals for your career. Then, set specific, measurable, and time-limited challenges that address each of these goals. Thinking about your longer-term plans can help you feel rejuvenated and more inspired at work.

Reconnect with the company’s mission

When you first started working for your organization, you likely received on-boarding materials about the company’s mission. After months or years of the daily grind, however, that mission may have gotten lost along the way. Get re-inspired by thinking about what got you excited about working there in the first place. Post a sticky note on your computer with a quick, mission-driven mantra to repeat to yourself when you’re feeling uninspired. This helps you focus on the big picture of the work you do, even if it feels like you spend most of your time in the minutiae…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

How to Take Action Every Day: 5 Powerful Habits

“It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things.”
Leonardo Da Vinci

One of the biggest and most common problems with improving your life or the success you want out of it is that you may not take consistent action over a longer time period.

Now, consistency isn’t the sexiest or most exciting word. But it is, coupled with time, what will give you real results in your life.

Sticking with the program and doing something consistently – and not just when you feel inspired or something like that – is very, very powerful.

This is something I have struggled with a lot in the past. And on some days I still do. But over the years I have found a few things that really help me with this.

1. When you’re taking action, focus only on the process.

I use this one, for example, when I do my workouts and when I write. I don’t take responsibility for the results in my mind.

I take responsibility for showing up and doing my workout/the writing. That’s it.

The results come anyway from that consistent action. And this makes it easier for me to take this action because:

• I know that is all I need to focus on. And so my energy and attention is only focused in one direction and I do a better job.
• I feel a lot less pressure on myself. And so I’m more relaxed and prone to continue compared to if I stare myself blind on the potential results that never come as quickly as I may want and if I’m on an emotional roller coaster from day to day.

2. Remember why you are taking action.

Find your top priorities and reasons for why you are doing what you are doing.

It could be to provide for your family, to save up for traveling, to get the job you really want or to improve your self-confidence. Or something else.

To not lose track of why you are taking action and to stay focused:

• Write down your most important reasons. Take a few minutes, sit down with paper and a pen and write down the top 1-3 reasons for why you take action and want to keep doing that in your life right now.
• Put that note where you can see it every day. Like for example in your workspace or near your bed so that you see it every morning when you wake up.

3. Reminder: you don’t want to hurt yourself.

When you disappoint yourself and don’t think and do as you really deep down want to you hurt yourself by lowering your self-esteem.

Whatever you do during your day sends signals back to yourself about what kind of person you are. Do the right thing like being effective, kind, going to the gym or simply rest and you feel good.

Get lazy, negative or just plain mean and you tend to feel worse after a while. You don’t get away, there is no escaping yourself. And there is always a price to pay.

4. Take smaller steps on the days when the big ones seem to daunting.

On some days getting started with any of the the most important tasks may seem daunting. And so you start to procrastinate. When that happens, one thing that has worked for me is to be kind. To nudge myself forward instead of beating myself up.

So at such times I take:

• A small step. I may make a deal with myself to just work for 5 minutes on a piece of a bigger and more difficult task.
• An even smaller step. If that small step feels like too much and I start to procrastinate I make a deal with myself for 1 or 2 minutes of work.

Sometimes that results in a few dents put into a big task, a couple of smaller tasks being completed and many breaks being taken throughout the day.

And sometimes the easy start or restart to the day is all I need to get going again and to have a good and very productive time before the evening arrives.

Either way, I move forward instead of standing still.

5. Celebrate what you did today.

When you appreciate your good work you feel even better about your life and yourself. And over time taking more action with less inner resistance becomes possible and you associate action with more positive emotions than you may at this time.

So….

• Take two minutes at the end of the day to think about what you can appreciate about what you did today. Or write down a couple of self-appreciative things in your journal.
• Have a tasty treat or a bigger celebration.
• Tell someone how nice something turned out, how you learned a good lesson or how proud you are over something important you did today.

Reward yourself for the things you did right today to strengthen your action taking habit.

And remember to be kind to yourself for the things you may have missed or not gotten done. No point in trying to beat yourself up. No point in trying to be perfect.

See what you can learn from it and perhaps try another solution tomorrow and see if that works better.

Craft a happy & successful life with these 10 habits

via Heleo by Travis Bradberry

Living an authentic, productive, and balanced life begins with these ten simple shifts in your mindset and behavior.

In Hans Christian Andersen’s fable The Red Shoes, a young girl longs for a pair of pretty red shoes. She ultimately tricks the blind woman who cares for her into buying her a pair. Her love for the red shoes causes her to give them priority over the more important things in her life, and, as often happens in fables, karma is not on her side. The shoes become firmly stuck to her feet and force her to dance non-stop, to the point where she almost dies from exhaustion and starvation.

We can scoff at the little girl’s foolishness, but, in real life, we often do the same thing—we chase after the things that we think will make us happy and don’t realize that we’re heading down a dangerous path.

One study found that the people who experience the greatest job satisfaction aren’t the ones in the big, fancy offices; they’re the ones who approach their work as a calling, even when that work involves menial labor.

Another study found that simply seeing fast-food logos makes people impatient. It’s not that there’s some intrinsic characteristic of fast food that makes people impatient; it’s the habits we’ve come to associate with fast food, such as always being on the run, eating on the go, and never slowing down enough to enjoy a healthy meal, that bring out our impatience.

We have to be very careful in choosing our pursuits, because our habits make us. Cultivating the habits that follow will send you in the right direction. They’ll help you to lead a more meaningful and fulfilling life, whereby you cultivate the best within yourself.

Stay away from people who erode your quality of life.

If merely seeing a logo for a fast-food company can make you feel impatient, just think how much more impact a toxic person can have on your life. They might be unhappy about your decision to stay away from them, and they might tell you very loudly just how unhappy they are, but isn’t avoiding them worth the cumulative effects of years of their negative influence? There are always going to be toxic people who have a way of getting under your skin and staying there. Each time you find yourself thinking about a coworker or person who makes your blood boil, practice being grateful for someone else in your life instead. There are plenty of people out there who deserve your attention, and the last thing you want to do is think about the people who don’t matter.

No more phone, tablet, or computer in bed.

This is a big one, which most people don’t even realize harms their sleep and productivity. Short-wavelength blue light plays an important role in determining your mood, energy level, and sleep quality. In the morning, sunlight contains high concentrations of this blue light. When your eyes are exposed to it directly, it halts production of the sleep-inducing hormone melatonin and makes you feel alert. In the afternoon, the sun’s rays lose their blue light, which allows your body to produce melatonin and this starts making you sleepy. By the evening, your brain doesn’t expect any blue light exposure and is very sensitive to it. Most of our favorite evening devices—laptops, tablets, and mobile phones—emit short-wavelength blue light brightly and right in your face. This exposure impairs melatonin production and interferes with your ability to fall asleep, as well as with the quality of your sleep once you do nod off. As we’ve all experienced, poor nights’ sleep has disastrous effects. The best thing you can do is to avoid these devices after dinner (television is OK for most people, as long as they sit far enough away from the set).

Appreciate the here and now.

Gratitude is fundamental to peace and happiness—not wealth, glamour, adventure, or fast cars, but simple appreciation for what you have. Just because you can’t afford champagne and caviar doesn’t mean that you never enjoy a meal. Hot dogs and beer on the back deck with your friends taste just as good. So, don’t fool yourself into thinking that you need something that you don’t currently have in order to be happy, because the truth is that if you can’t appreciate what you have now, you won’t be able to appreciate the “good life” if you ever get it…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

How to beat loneliness

One of the most significant contributors to happiness is … connectedness. The quality of our relationships goes directly to the quality of our lives, including health, happiness and success.

The flip side of this is that loneliness is one of the most powerful detractors from happiness; and loneliness doesn’t just make us unhappy, it kills us!

But the good news is you can beat loneliness and, therefore, enjoy more happiness. Here’s how…

via the Conversation by Olivia Remes

Loneliness is a common condition affecting around one in three adults. It damages your brain, immune system, and can lead to depression and suicide. Loneliness can also increase your risk of dying prematurely as much as smoking can – and even more so than obesity. If you feel lonely, you tend to feel more stressed in situations that others cope better in, and even though you might get sufficient sleep, you don’t feel rested during the day.

Loneliness has also increased over the past few decades. Compared to the 1980s, the number of people living alone in the US has increased by about one-third. When Americans were asked about the number of people that they can confide in, the number dropped from three in 1985 to two in 2004.

In the UK, 21% to 31% of people report that they feel lonely some of the time, and surveys in other parts of the world report similarly high estimates. And it’s not just adults who feel lonely. Over a tenth of kindergarteners and first graders report feeling lonely in the school environment.

So many people feel lonely these days. But loneliness is a tricky condition, because it doesn’t necessarily refer to the number of people you talk to or the number of acquaintances you have. You can have many people around you and still feel lonely. As the comedian Robin Williamsput it in the film World’s Greatest Dad:

I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone.

What is loneliness?

Loneliness refers to the discrepancy between the number and quality of the relationships that you desire and those you actually have. You can have only two friends, but if you get along really well with them and feel that they meet your needs, you’re not lonely. Or you can be in a crowd and feel all alone…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

9 traps you really need to avoid if you want to enjoy more happiness

via the Ladder by Travis Bradberry

Almost every action we take in life is aimed at achieving or maintaining “happiness” — that elusive state where we feel contentment, satisfaction, and even bliss. Still, happiness can be a bit hard to define. Unhappiness, on the other hand, is easy to identify; you know it when you see it, and you definitely know when it’s taken ahold of you.

Happiness has much less to do with life circumstances than you might think. A University of Illinois study found that people who earn the most (more than $10 million annually) are only a smidge happier than the average Joes and Janes who work for them.

Life circumstances have little to do with happiness because much happiness is under your control — the product of your habits and your outlook on life. Psychologists from the University of California who study happiness found that genetics and life circumstances only account for about 50% of a person’s happiness. The rest is up to you.

Unhappiness can catch you by surprise. So much of your happiness is determined by your habits (in thought and deed) that you have to monitor them closely to make certain that bad habits don’t drag you down into the abyss.

Some habits lead to unhappiness more than others do. These traps are easily avoided once you’re aware of them.

Holding your feelings in

One of the great misconceptions concerning emotional intelligence (EQ) is that it is about repressing our feelings and holding them in. While it is true there are feelings that high EQ individuals do not allow to erupt on impulse, that does not mean those feelings are not expressed. Emotional intelligence means honoring your feelings and allowing yourself to experience the catharsis that comes from embracing them for what they are. Only then can you express them in a manner that helps rather than hinders your ability to reach your goals.

Numbing yourself with technology

Everyone deserves the opportunity to binge-watch a TV show now and then or to switch on your Kindle and get lost in a book. The real question is how much time you spend plugged in (to video games, the TV, the tablet, the computer, the phone, etc.) and whether it makes you feel good or simply makes you numb. When your escape becomes a constant source of distraction, it is a sure sign you have fallen into the trap of too much of a good thing.

Spending too much time and effort acquiring “things”

People living in extreme poverty experience a significant increase in happiness when their financial circumstances improve, but it drops off quickly above $20,000 in annual income. There’s an ocean of research that shows that material things don’t make you happy. When you make a habit of chasing things, you are likely to become unhappy because, beyond the disappointment you experience once you get them, you discover that you’ve gained them at the expense of the real things that can make you happy, such as friends, family, and hobbies…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Why you should volunteer if you want more happiness

by Dr Tim Sharp (aka Dr Happy)

I’ve been so privileged to have been able to earn a good living doing something I love and something fulfilling.

Having worked as a therapist, coach, consultant and in various ways … a helper has, for several decades now been incredibly satisfying.

But to be perfectly honest, probably the most satisfying and pleasurable roles I’ve ever had has been one of my current ones; as Chief Happiness Officer at batyr.

As some of you may well know, batyr is a youth mental health organisation dedicated to smashing the stigma associated with mental ill-health. Although I’m passionate about the cause, the satisfaction I get comes at least partially from knowing that I’m doing some good and receiving nothing in return. Well, nothing tangible, anyway…

…because in reality I get LOTS in return. I feel part of something important, I have an opportunity to contribute, I gain an enormous sense of meaning and purpose and I have found new friends and a new tribe!

And this is in now way surprising. Numerous research studies have found that volunteering is good for our mental and physical health. In fact, THIS article nicely sums up 6 ways our health improves when we give our time and/or experience to others.

There are all sorts of ways we can give to others; we can give money or time, expertise or skills. It doesn’t really matter but in short … in giving we receive!

…So that’s today’s mailing. Take some time to reflect upon the message and how it might apply to you. Check out, also, the links below for some additional readings and resources.

I hope it helps you enjoy some more happiness. Until next time…

Keep well & keep smiling
Tim Sharp (aka Dr Happy)

What to do if you think your life sucks

Ever think your life sucks?

It probably doesn’t; and there’s probably more good than you can see; but if you want to work your way back to happiness then here are a few great ideas…

via the Ladder by LaRae Quy

When life sucks, it’s hard to be around perpetually perky people. My college room mate had unrelenting positivity and I frequently responded with sharp-tongued barbs intended to wilt her enthusiasm. It never did though — no matter what obstacle or barrier I presented, she found a way around it.

As I growled and sniped, however, I couldn’t help but be impressed by the way she always came out on top of the situation. I’m an over-achiever so this was irritating to me — but it turned out to be a game-changer.

As I moved into the real world after graduating from college, the obstacles and barriers popping up in my life seemed to take on new, gigantic proportions. The sarcasm and negativity that had seemed clever in the old days no longer seemed so witty.

When I applied to the FBI as a new agent, I quickly discovered that, while no one could be called perky, most agents could be described as possessing unrelenting positivity. Even when life sucks, a case looks hopeless, or a barrier appears insurmountable, there are differences between agents who just survive and those who thrive in their circumstances.

The game-changer for me came when I finally understood that mental toughness is unrelenting positivity in the midst of uncertainty and risk. The strong-minded know how to look for the positive when life sucks. Follow these tips:

1. Swap out one emotion for another

We’ve all heard that our well-being is increased when we turn our thoughts to gratitude. But gratitude is more than a platitude. It’s impossible to be negative and grateful at the same time.

A recent study brings us closer to understanding how gratitude can affect the way our brain works. Participants were asked to write simple, short notes of gratitude to other people for three weeks. An MRI scan measured the brain of the participants and found they showed greater neural sensitivity in the prefrontal cortex, a brain area associated with learning, judgment, and decision making.

When we feel that life sucks, it’s important to find things for which we can be grateful. We may need to force ourselves at first but our heart will soon catch up to what the brain already knows.

How To Make It Work For You: When you express gratitude, it has lasting effects on the brain. The study suggests that even months after a simple, short gratitude writing task, people’s brains were still wired to feel extra thankful. The implication is that gratitude has a self-perpetuating nature: The more you practice it, the more attuned you are to it…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

5 tips for overcoming social anxiety

Happiness is at least partly about connecting and relating to others; so happiness is at least partly about socialising and spending time with friends and others.

Social anxiety can make being with others difficult; so social anxiety can make happiness difficult!

The good news, however, is that there are ways to enjoy more happiness by overcoming social anxiety. Read on if this is something you’d like to know more about…

via the Ladders by Eric Barker

Your mind races. Your palms sweat. The words don’t come out of your mouth right, if they come at all. We’ve all been there at one time or another. And some of us get it worse than others, and more frequently. Social anxiety.

Nobody wants to look stupid or be embarrassed. But since it’s not like your life is on the line, why is social fear so bad? There’s an answer…

While it’s hard to remember what a broken arm feels like, it’s quite easy to remember all the times you felt mortified in public. So it’s not surprising that research shows social pain is actually worse than physical pain — because you can relive it over and over again:

Individuals can relive and reexperience social pain more easily and more intensely than physical pain. Studies 1 and 2 showed that people reported higher levels of pain after reliving a past socially painful event than after reliving a past physically painful event.

And the old saying is true: often the fear itself is much worse than whatever you’re afraid of. Research shows being afraid you’re going to lose your job can be worse than actually losing your job:

… perceived job insecurity ranks as one of the most important factors in employees’ well-being and can be even more harmful than actual job loss with subsequent unemployment.

And the advice you usually get on how to deal with fear is dead wrong. What happens when you suppress your feelings?

Your ability to experience positive feelings goes down — but not negative feelings. Stress soars. And your amygdala (a part of the brain closely associated with emotions) starts working overtime.

From Handbook of Emotion Regulation:

…experimental studies have shown that suppression leads to decreased positive but not negative emotion experience (Gross, 1998a; Gross & Levenson, 1993, 1997; Stepper & Strack, 1993; Strack, Martin, & Stepper, 1988), increased sympathetic nervous system responses (Demaree et al., 2006; Gross, 1998a; Gross & Levenson, 1993, 1997; Harris, 2001; Richards & Gross, 2000), and greater activation in emotion-generative brain regions such as the amygdala (Goldin, McRae, Ramel, & Gross, 2008).

But there’s a way to deal with fear and anxiety that neuroscientists, the ancient Stoics and mindfulness experts all agree on. And it’s not that hard. Let’s get to it…

How To Make Fear Less Scary

There are a number of specific techniques for reducing those awful anxious emotions:

• Mindfulness recommends “noting” troublesome thoughts like fear. Recognize and accept them to let them go.
• Neuroscience advocates “labeling.” (Frankly, this is a lot like noting but backed by some PhDs and an fMRI.)
• Stoicism has “premeditation.” That’s when you ask, “What’s the worst that could happen?” and realize it’s not that bad.
• Neuroscience also recommends “reappraisal.” This is reinterpreting your feelings with a new story that makes them less scary.

A random bunch of tips? Nope. So what do they all have in common?

You gotta use your brain. You gotta think. Some might reply, “I am thinking, I’m thinking about all the awful stuff that could happen if I embarrass myself. In fact, I can’t STOP thinking about it!”

But you’re not thinking. You’re reacting. Fight or flight. Like an animal would.

Look, our ancestors didn’t spend millions of years climbing to the top of the food chain so we could respond the same way a lizard does. We have this shiny new prefrontal cortex and can use it to fight fear.

In fact, you already have and you probably didn’t realize it…

Ever had so much going at once that something which would normally scare you just doesn’t? That’s not random. When your thinking brain — the prefrontal cortex — is highly engaged, it slams the brakes on feelings.

And you can use this trick deliberately. Anything that gets you thinking actively can smother anxiety:

…resources that are used to perform a cognitive task are no longer available for emotional processes. Accordingly, people can rid themselves from unwanted feelings by engaging in a cognitive activity, such as doing math equations (Van Dillen & Koole, 2007), playing a game of Tetris ( Holmes, James, Coode-Bate, & Deeprose , 2008), visualizing scenes such as sitting in a double-decker bus driving down the street (Rusting & Nolen-Hoeksema, 1998), sorting cards ( Morrow & Nolen-Hoeksema, 1990), responding to colored lights ( Christenfeld, 1997), or filling out bogus questionnaires ( Glynn et al., 2002).

(In fact, this effect is so powerful, I recommend you don’t think too hard when you’re feeling good — because it can suppress those happy emotions just as easily.)

Now we’re talking about social anxiety, and it’s not like you can start doing your taxes at a party to feel less anxious. That’s okay. We can do one better. What should you think about?

Your fears. Yeah, it’s a cliche, but it’s true. “Face your fears.” Actively. With your brain switched to “on.” Neuroscience research shows when we avoid scary things we become more scared. When you face your fears they become less frightening.

From Resilience: The Science of Mastering Life’s Greatest Challenges:

Brain imaging findings suggest that extinction may involve a strengthening of the capacity of the PFC to inhibit amygdala-based fear responses (Phelps et al., 2004). Several approaches to treating anxiety disorders such as PTSD and phobias have been shown to be effective in promoting extinction. In essence, these therapies encourage the patient to confront the fear and anxiety head on.

And that’s what each of the techniques I listed do in one way or another: they engage your thinking brain to take over for the emotional brain and get a handle on what you’re feeling. You can try them and see what works for you. Or you can put together a fear-busting cocktail combo to really drop the hammer on that anxiety.

Alright, now that we understand the underlying brain trickery, let’s look at how each method works so you can crush that social anxiety…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

The power of laughter

Happiness isn’t just when things go right.

Happiness is making the best of things when they go wrong.

And happiness can be yours more often if you use the power of laughter…

via Very Well Mind by Elizabeth Scott

Many people find themselves feeling embarrassed when they look back on mistakes they’ve made, even in childhood. Although social missteps and well-intentioned mistakes are common and virtually unavoidable over the course of one’s lifetime, many of us beat ourselves up over the embarrassing things we’ve done in the past. This can be a significant source of stress, particularly for those who experience some level of anxiety, particularly social anxiety. Many people have found solace with the simple idea that, “someday we’ll look back on this and laugh.”

When we become able to laugh about the embarrassing things we’ve done in the past, we take the shame out of the memory and replace it with camaraderie, or at least a good measure of humor. This can de-stress the experience and the memory of it. Finding a group of friends, or even just one good friend, who can share the burden of embarrassment by sharing a good laugh, can be transformative. Learning the skill of being able to look at memories this way can enable us to be more forgiving with ourselves and others. It can even enable us to react less with embarrassment and more with good humor to mistakes we make in the present, particularly if we imagine that the “someday” when we’ll be laughing about this, can be today.

Laughing at what stresses or embarrasses us is an inborn ability for some, but can be a learned skill for others. You can also enhance your ability to do this, so it becomes a habit that comes much more easily and automatically. If you’d like to expand your ability to laugh at stressful situations, the following tips can help you to further develop this skill.

Take a Step Back

One of the main goals of finding the humor in a stressful situation is to use the humor to create distance between yourself and the stress you are experiencing. Laughing at the humorous aspects of a stressful situation can help you to keep things in perspective and remind yourself that what you experience may not be the worst thing you can possibly face. If you are having trouble finding the humor in your situation, it could help to approach things from a different angle: instead of using humor to find perspective, put things in perspective to allow yourself to more easily see the humor. If you rate your stress on a scale from 1, which represents “not at all stressful” to 10, representing “as stressful as this can be,” you can often remind yourself that this isn’t the most stress you have faced and that things could be worse. This puts space between you and the situation, and that space can also add some much-needed levity to the situation, and make it easier for you to see the humor where possible…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Work better with these 3 simple, mental habits

To be really happy we should work to be happy at work.

Happiness involves all aspects of life including our personal feelings, our relationships and our professional activities.

So for more happiness, a more productive attitude to and at work will undoubtedly help; and if this is something in which you’re interested then keep reading…

via Inc.com by Marcel Schwantes

Are you a negative person? If you’re at the point where you’re seriously looking to shift to the positive, step one is to change your attitude and alter your perception about your current situation.

Since that may border on cliché,​ allow me to suggest a practical plan of action focused on three mental hacks that work. This will take some commitment and intent, but it’s what the most positive people have mastered.

1. Identify your negative feelings and what keeps you in the negative.

Our emotions and behaviors often reflect what we feel about the world around us. For example, if you’re a gossiper, ask yourself, “What does my behavior reveal to others about my character?”

If you’re like most people, you’ll probably gain some insight into how you are perceived when spreading gossip. Most people I know who ask themselves this find out that they are seeking attention. And with good self-awareness, they’ll soon realize that others perceive them as, well, pretty pathetic.

The next step is to determine what supports the attitude or behavior. It may be that your workplace is toxic or you’re hanging around with some bad apples.

Sticking with the theme of gossip, a willingness to actively participate in it and listen to it is the support system that keeps feeding the attitude, leading you to gossip again. When you’re consciously aware that listening to gossip leads you to gossip, you’ve got a pretty good start on your road to change…

… keep reading the full & original article HERE

How to beat loneliness

One of the most significant contributors to happiness is … connectedness. The quality of our relationships goes directly to the quality of our lives, including health, happiness and success.

The flip side of this is that loneliness is one of the most powerful detractors from happiness; and loneliness doesn’t just make us unhappy, it kills us!

But the good news is you can beat loneliness and, therefore, enjoy more happiness. Here’s how…

via the Conversation by Olivia Remes

Loneliness is a common condition affecting around one in three adults. It damages your brain, immune system, and can lead to depression and suicide. Loneliness can also increase your risk of dying prematurely as much as smoking can – and even more so than obesity. If you feel lonely, you tend to feel more stressed in situations that others cope better in, and even though you might get sufficient sleep, you don’t feel rested during the day.

Loneliness has also increased over the past few decades. Compared to the 1980s, the number of people living alone in the US has increased by about one-third. When Americans were asked about the number of people that they can confide in, the number dropped from three in 1985 to two in 2004.

In the UK, 21% to 31% of people report that they feel lonely some of the time, and surveys in other parts of the world report similarly high estimates. And it’s not just adults who feel lonely. Over a tenth of kindergarteners and first graders report feeling lonely in the school environment.

So many people feel lonely these days. But loneliness is a tricky condition, because it doesn’t necessarily refer to the number of people you talk to or the number of acquaintances you have. You can have many people around you and still feel lonely. As the comedian Robin Williamsput it in the film World’s Greatest Dad:

I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone.

What is loneliness?

Loneliness refers to the discrepancy between the number and quality of the relationships that you desire and those you actually have. You can have only two friends, but if you get along really well with them and feel that they meet your needs, you’re not lonely. Or you can be in a crowd and feel all alone…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

9 traps you really need to avoid if you want to enjoy more happiness

via the Ladder by Travis Bradberry

Almost every action we take in life is aimed at achieving or maintaining “happiness” — that elusive state where we feel contentment, satisfaction, and even bliss. Still, happiness can be a bit hard to define. Unhappiness, on the other hand, is easy to identify; you know it when you see it, and you definitely know when it’s taken ahold of you.

Happiness has much less to do with life circumstances than you might think. A University of Illinois study found that people who earn the most (more than $10 million annually) are only a smidge happier than the average Joes and Janes who work for them.

Life circumstances have little to do with happiness because much happiness is under your control — the product of your habits and your outlook on life. Psychologists from the University of California who study happiness found that genetics and life circumstances only account for about 50% of a person’s happiness. The rest is up to you.

Unhappiness can catch you by surprise. So much of your happiness is determined by your habits (in thought and deed) that you have to monitor them closely to make certain that bad habits don’t drag you down into the abyss.

Some habits lead to unhappiness more than others do. These traps are easily avoided once you’re aware of them.

Holding your feelings in

One of the great misconceptions concerning emotional intelligence (EQ) is that it is about repressing our feelings and holding them in. While it is true there are feelings that high EQ individuals do not allow to erupt on impulse, that does not mean those feelings are not expressed. Emotional intelligence means honoring your feelings and allowing yourself to experience the catharsis that comes from embracing them for what they are. Only then can you express them in a manner that helps rather than hinders your ability to reach your goals.

Numbing yourself with technology

Everyone deserves the opportunity to binge-watch a TV show now and then or to switch on your Kindle and get lost in a book. The real question is how much time you spend plugged in (to video games, the TV, the tablet, the computer, the phone, etc.) and whether it makes you feel good or simply makes you numb. When your escape becomes a constant source of distraction, it is a sure sign you have fallen into the trap of too much of a good thing.

Spending too much time and effort acquiring “things”

People living in extreme poverty experience a significant increase in happiness when their financial circumstances improve, but it drops off quickly above $20,000 in annual income. There’s an ocean of research that shows that material things don’t make you happy. When you make a habit of chasing things, you are likely to become unhappy because, beyond the disappointment you experience once you get them, you discover that you’ve gained them at the expense of the real things that can make you happy, such as friends, family, and hobbies…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Why you should volunteer if you want more happiness

by Dr Tim Sharp (aka Dr Happy)

I’ve been so privileged to have been able to earn a good living doing something I love and something fulfilling.

Having worked as a therapist, coach, consultant and in various ways … a helper has, for several decades now been incredibly satisfying.

But to be perfectly honest, probably the most satisfying and pleasurable roles I’ve ever had has been one of my current ones; as Chief Happiness Officer at batyr.

As some of you may well know, batyr is a youth mental health organisation dedicated to smashing the stigma associated with mental ill-health. Although I’m passionate about the cause, the satisfaction I get comes at least partially from knowing that I’m doing some good and receiving nothing in return. Well, nothing tangible, anyway…

…because in reality I get LOTS in return. I feel part of something important, I have an opportunity to contribute, I gain an enormous sense of meaning and purpose and I have found new friends and a new tribe!

And this is in now way surprising. Numerous research studies have found that volunteering is good for our mental and physical health. In fact, THIS article nicely sums up 6 ways our health improves when we give our time and/or experience to others.

There are all sorts of ways we can give to others; we can give money or time, expertise or skills. It doesn’t really matter but in short … in giving we receive!

…So that’s today’s mailing. Take some time to reflect upon the message and how it might apply to you. Check out, also, the links below for some additional readings and resources.

I hope it helps you enjoy some more happiness. Until next time…

Keep well & keep smiling
Tim Sharp (aka Dr Happy)

What to do if you think your life sucks

Ever think your life sucks?

It probably doesn’t; and there’s probably more good than you can see; but if you want to work your way back to happiness then here are a few great ideas…

via the Ladder by LaRae Quy

When life sucks, it’s hard to be around perpetually perky people. My college room mate had unrelenting positivity and I frequently responded with sharp-tongued barbs intended to wilt her enthusiasm. It never did though — no matter what obstacle or barrier I presented, she found a way around it.

As I growled and sniped, however, I couldn’t help but be impressed by the way she always came out on top of the situation. I’m an over-achiever so this was irritating to me — but it turned out to be a game-changer.

As I moved into the real world after graduating from college, the obstacles and barriers popping up in my life seemed to take on new, gigantic proportions. The sarcasm and negativity that had seemed clever in the old days no longer seemed so witty.

When I applied to the FBI as a new agent, I quickly discovered that, while no one could be called perky, most agents could be described as possessing unrelenting positivity. Even when life sucks, a case looks hopeless, or a barrier appears insurmountable, there are differences between agents who just survive and those who thrive in their circumstances.

The game-changer for me came when I finally understood that mental toughness is unrelenting positivity in the midst of uncertainty and risk. The strong-minded know how to look for the positive when life sucks. Follow these tips:

1. Swap out one emotion for another

We’ve all heard that our well-being is increased when we turn our thoughts to gratitude. But gratitude is more than a platitude. It’s impossible to be negative and grateful at the same time.

A recent study brings us closer to understanding how gratitude can affect the way our brain works. Participants were asked to write simple, short notes of gratitude to other people for three weeks. An MRI scan measured the brain of the participants and found they showed greater neural sensitivity in the prefrontal cortex, a brain area associated with learning, judgment, and decision making.

When we feel that life sucks, it’s important to find things for which we can be grateful. We may need to force ourselves at first but our heart will soon catch up to what the brain already knows.

How To Make It Work For You: When you express gratitude, it has lasting effects on the brain. The study suggests that even months after a simple, short gratitude writing task, people’s brains were still wired to feel extra thankful. The implication is that gratitude has a self-perpetuating nature: The more you practice it, the more attuned you are to it…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

5 tips for overcoming social anxiety

Happiness is at least partly about connecting and relating to others; so happiness is at least partly about socialising and spending time with friends and others.

Social anxiety can make being with others difficult; so social anxiety can make happiness difficult!

The good news, however, is that there are ways to enjoy more happiness by overcoming social anxiety. Read on if this is something you’d like to know more about…

via the Ladders by Eric Barker

Your mind races. Your palms sweat. The words don’t come out of your mouth right, if they come at all. We’ve all been there at one time or another. And some of us get it worse than others, and more frequently. Social anxiety.

Nobody wants to look stupid or be embarrassed. But since it’s not like your life is on the line, why is social fear so bad? There’s an answer…

While it’s hard to remember what a broken arm feels like, it’s quite easy to remember all the times you felt mortified in public. So it’s not surprising that research shows social pain is actually worse than physical pain — because you can relive it over and over again:

Individuals can relive and reexperience social pain more easily and more intensely than physical pain. Studies 1 and 2 showed that people reported higher levels of pain after reliving a past socially painful event than after reliving a past physically painful event.

And the old saying is true: often the fear itself is much worse than whatever you’re afraid of. Research shows being afraid you’re going to lose your job can be worse than actually losing your job:

… perceived job insecurity ranks as one of the most important factors in employees’ well-being and can be even more harmful than actual job loss with subsequent unemployment.

And the advice you usually get on how to deal with fear is dead wrong. What happens when you suppress your feelings?

Your ability to experience positive feelings goes down — but not negative feelings. Stress soars. And your amygdala (a part of the brain closely associated with emotions) starts working overtime.

From Handbook of Emotion Regulation:

…experimental studies have shown that suppression leads to decreased positive but not negative emotion experience (Gross, 1998a; Gross & Levenson, 1993, 1997; Stepper & Strack, 1993; Strack, Martin, & Stepper, 1988), increased sympathetic nervous system responses (Demaree et al., 2006; Gross, 1998a; Gross & Levenson, 1993, 1997; Harris, 2001; Richards & Gross, 2000), and greater activation in emotion-generative brain regions such as the amygdala (Goldin, McRae, Ramel, & Gross, 2008).

But there’s a way to deal with fear and anxiety that neuroscientists, the ancient Stoics and mindfulness experts all agree on. And it’s not that hard. Let’s get to it…

How To Make Fear Less Scary

There are a number of specific techniques for reducing those awful anxious emotions:

• Mindfulness recommends “noting” troublesome thoughts like fear. Recognize and accept them to let them go.
• Neuroscience advocates “labeling.” (Frankly, this is a lot like noting but backed by some PhDs and an fMRI.)
• Stoicism has “premeditation.” That’s when you ask, “What’s the worst that could happen?” and realize it’s not that bad.
• Neuroscience also recommends “reappraisal.” This is reinterpreting your feelings with a new story that makes them less scary.

A random bunch of tips? Nope. So what do they all have in common?

You gotta use your brain. You gotta think. Some might reply, “I am thinking, I’m thinking about all the awful stuff that could happen if I embarrass myself. In fact, I can’t STOP thinking about it!”

But you’re not thinking. You’re reacting. Fight or flight. Like an animal would.

Look, our ancestors didn’t spend millions of years climbing to the top of the food chain so we could respond the same way a lizard does. We have this shiny new prefrontal cortex and can use it to fight fear.

In fact, you already have and you probably didn’t realize it…

Ever had so much going at once that something which would normally scare you just doesn’t? That’s not random. When your thinking brain — the prefrontal cortex — is highly engaged, it slams the brakes on feelings.

And you can use this trick deliberately. Anything that gets you thinking actively can smother anxiety:

…resources that are used to perform a cognitive task are no longer available for emotional processes. Accordingly, people can rid themselves from unwanted feelings by engaging in a cognitive activity, such as doing math equations (Van Dillen & Koole, 2007), playing a game of Tetris ( Holmes, James, Coode-Bate, & Deeprose , 2008), visualizing scenes such as sitting in a double-decker bus driving down the street (Rusting & Nolen-Hoeksema, 1998), sorting cards ( Morrow & Nolen-Hoeksema, 1990), responding to colored lights ( Christenfeld, 1997), or filling out bogus questionnaires ( Glynn et al., 2002).

(In fact, this effect is so powerful, I recommend you don’t think too hard when you’re feeling good — because it can suppress those happy emotions just as easily.)

Now we’re talking about social anxiety, and it’s not like you can start doing your taxes at a party to feel less anxious. That’s okay. We can do one better. What should you think about?

Your fears. Yeah, it’s a cliche, but it’s true. “Face your fears.” Actively. With your brain switched to “on.” Neuroscience research shows when we avoid scary things we become more scared. When you face your fears they become less frightening.

From Resilience: The Science of Mastering Life’s Greatest Challenges:

Brain imaging findings suggest that extinction may involve a strengthening of the capacity of the PFC to inhibit amygdala-based fear responses (Phelps et al., 2004). Several approaches to treating anxiety disorders such as PTSD and phobias have been shown to be effective in promoting extinction. In essence, these therapies encourage the patient to confront the fear and anxiety head on.

And that’s what each of the techniques I listed do in one way or another: they engage your thinking brain to take over for the emotional brain and get a handle on what you’re feeling. You can try them and see what works for you. Or you can put together a fear-busting cocktail combo to really drop the hammer on that anxiety.

Alright, now that we understand the underlying brain trickery, let’s look at how each method works so you can crush that social anxiety…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

The power of laughter

Happiness isn’t just when things go right.

Happiness is making the best of things when they go wrong.

And happiness can be yours more often if you use the power of laughter…

via Very Well Mind by Elizabeth Scott

Many people find themselves feeling embarrassed when they look back on mistakes they’ve made, even in childhood. Although social missteps and well-intentioned mistakes are common and virtually unavoidable over the course of one’s lifetime, many of us beat ourselves up over the embarrassing things we’ve done in the past. This can be a significant source of stress, particularly for those who experience some level of anxiety, particularly social anxiety. Many people have found solace with the simple idea that, “someday we’ll look back on this and laugh.”

When we become able to laugh about the embarrassing things we’ve done in the past, we take the shame out of the memory and replace it with camaraderie, or at least a good measure of humor. This can de-stress the experience and the memory of it. Finding a group of friends, or even just one good friend, who can share the burden of embarrassment by sharing a good laugh, can be transformative. Learning the skill of being able to look at memories this way can enable us to be more forgiving with ourselves and others. It can even enable us to react less with embarrassment and more with good humor to mistakes we make in the present, particularly if we imagine that the “someday” when we’ll be laughing about this, can be today.

Laughing at what stresses or embarrasses us is an inborn ability for some, but can be a learned skill for others. You can also enhance your ability to do this, so it becomes a habit that comes much more easily and automatically. If you’d like to expand your ability to laugh at stressful situations, the following tips can help you to further develop this skill.

Take a Step Back

One of the main goals of finding the humor in a stressful situation is to use the humor to create distance between yourself and the stress you are experiencing. Laughing at the humorous aspects of a stressful situation can help you to keep things in perspective and remind yourself that what you experience may not be the worst thing you can possibly face. If you are having trouble finding the humor in your situation, it could help to approach things from a different angle: instead of using humor to find perspective, put things in perspective to allow yourself to more easily see the humor. If you rate your stress on a scale from 1, which represents “not at all stressful” to 10, representing “as stressful as this can be,” you can often remind yourself that this isn’t the most stress you have faced and that things could be worse. This puts space between you and the situation, and that space can also add some much-needed levity to the situation, and make it easier for you to see the humor where possible…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Work better with these 3 simple, mental habits

To be really happy we should work to be happy at work.

Happiness involves all aspects of life including our personal feelings, our relationships and our professional activities.

So for more happiness, a more productive attitude to and at work will undoubtedly help; and if this is something in which you’re interested then keep reading…

via Inc.com by Marcel Schwantes

Are you a negative person? If you’re at the point where you’re seriously looking to shift to the positive, step one is to change your attitude and alter your perception about your current situation.

Since that may border on cliché,​ allow me to suggest a practical plan of action focused on three mental hacks that work. This will take some commitment and intent, but it’s what the most positive people have mastered.

1. Identify your negative feelings and what keeps you in the negative.

Our emotions and behaviors often reflect what we feel about the world around us. For example, if you’re a gossiper, ask yourself, “What does my behavior reveal to others about my character?”

If you’re like most people, you’ll probably gain some insight into how you are perceived when spreading gossip. Most people I know who ask themselves this find out that they are seeking attention. And with good self-awareness, they’ll soon realize that others perceive them as, well, pretty pathetic.

The next step is to determine what supports the attitude or behavior. It may be that your workplace is toxic or you’re hanging around with some bad apples.

Sticking with the theme of gossip, a willingness to actively participate in it and listen to it is the support system that keeps feeding the attitude, leading you to gossip again. When you’re consciously aware that listening to gossip leads you to gossip, you’ve got a pretty good start on your road to change…

… keep reading the full & original article HERE

Greed won’t lead to happiness; but these 6 things will!

via Inc.com by Marcel Schwantes

We’ve all heard this cliché growing up — how “it’s better to give than to receive.” Whether you’re gainfully employed, looking for work, retired, or living off an inheritance from your rich uncle, science says the very act of giving away your money leads to more happiness.

But there’s a catch.

A Harvard Business School report concluded that the emotional rewards are the greatest when our generosity is connected to others.

In other words, donating to an unfamiliar and anonymous charity doesn’t raise your happiness levels as much as contributing to a cancer-stricken friend’s GoFundMe Campaign does.

The findings, published in the International Journal of Happiness and Development​, strongly suggests that “social giving” makes people happier, plain and simple.

This was the first study of its kind to examine how social connection helps turn generous ‘prosocial’ behavior — the type that benefits another person — into positive feelings for the donor.

The bottom line? It’s the social connection tied to the giving — whether to a person in need in your community, or a grassroots charity close to your heart — that gives the giver the greatest psychological benefit and boost of happiness.

6 ways to give and raise your happiness levels.

Maya Angelou was right on the money when she said, “No one has ever become poor from giving.” But before you think your only option to give involves whipping out the checkbook when you aren’t able, there are quite a few other creative means to acting in generosity…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE