Don’t wait too long to learn these 7 important lessons

via Business Insider by Nicolas Cole

Life lessons are full of wisdom because they often have to be learned the hard way. However, the hardest part about that process is realizing that sometimes not every opportunity lasts forever. You finally “get it” long after the fact.

If possible, it’s best to learn these things sooner rather than later.

1. If you want to ‘do what you love,’ you have to work three times as hard as everyone else

Most people do not get to spend their lives doing whatever it is they love. Instead, they do what they are told they should do, or what their parents or town or friends or peers suggest that they do. Or they simply pursue nothing close to their heart at all. But if you want to “do what you love,” you need to see that as a privilege, not an expectation. Those people are not the majority. So if that’s what you truly want, you have to put in the work now.

2. Beneath anger is always fear

As the wise Yoda says, “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.” Whenever we suffer, especially for long periods of time, at first we believe it is because of something outside of us — something we hate. And if we make it past that emotion, we find below that hate is a rumble of anger, and certainly something we have held on to for far too long. But beneath all of that is always fear. A fear of loss. A fear of vulnerability. A fear of letting go. But if you can get to the point of acknowledging the fear, you will see its lighthearted shadow, compassion. And you will be able to move forward.

3. Our everyday habits form our future selves

What you do today is one more action toward who you will be tomorrow. When that action is replicated over the course of a week, you begin to scratch the surface of change. When that action is replicated over the course of a month, you begin to notice a slight difference. When that action replicated over the course of a year, or two years, or five years, you may no longer recognize yourself — you will have changed, in that particular way, completely. Do not underestimate the power of each and every small habit, replicated over time. For good or bad, your habits determine who you will ultimately become…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Just 24 Hours to Go Until Stop Worrying Today Closes

Just a quick heads up today.

There’s only 24 hours left until registration for The Stop Worrying Today Course closes.

And then it won’t be open for enrollment again until the late summer or fall of 2018.

Until 1.00 p.m EST (that’s 18.00 GMT) on Wednesday the 28th of February you can still join it.

So if you are interested in that – and in getting the free bonus course on optimism worth $29 if you join the Standard Edition of the course and 6 additional bonuses plus my Smart Social Skills Course (value $37) if you enroll in the Advanced Edition – then now is the time to take action.

Click here to learn more about Stop Worrying Today and to join it before the doors close

 

How to exercise…even when you don’t want to!

One of the most significant contributors to happiness and wellbeing is exercise.

Exercise is not just good for our physical health, but also our mental health. It’s a potent anti-depressant and a powerful mood enhancer. It busts stress and boosts happiness.

But sometimes we just don’t feel like exercising. On those days, here’s how you can still get out and do it…

via TED ideas by Rebekah Barnett and Daryl Chen

Wise ideas from psychology, behavioral economics, business — and even activism — to get you moving.

Excuse #1: “I don’t have the time to exercise.”

The fix: You’ve got plenty of time; the trick is being intentional about how you use it.

There are 168 hours in a week. Even after you subtract 56 hours to sleep and 50 for work, you’re left with 62 hours, as business writer Laura Vanderkam points out in her TED Talk. Her empowering conclusion: “We have the power to fill our lives with the things that deserve to be there.”

If you truly want to start working out, you must place it high on your mental to-do list. Then you need to put it in your physical schedule, by planning your week before you’re in it, she says: “I find a really good time to do this is Friday afternoons.”

By entering workout appointments in your calendar for the coming week — for added incentive, send a friend an e-vite — you’ll avoid the dreaded Sunday-night syndrome known as wheredidallmy*&!timego…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

NB: if you’r life is perfect you don’t need to read this post!

If your life is perfect, you can stop reading now… …but I’m pretty confident that none of us live perfect lives! Accordingly, most (if not all) of us want to be better, happier, healthier, more successful AND/OR different in some way. And that requires change. And change is difficult; and uncertain. But change is also necessary for better and happier! So putting all this together, if we want more happiness and health OR less misery and bad habits, we need to become more comfortable with change and uncertainty. In fact even more so, not just be comfortable with uncertainty but we need to embrace it! And that should be easier if/when we recognise that uncertainty and change can be, and often are, pathways to success and better-ness!  …So that’s today’s mailing. Take some time to reflect upon the message and how it might apply to you. Check out, also, the links below for some additional readings and resources. I hope it helps you enjoy some more happiness. Until next time… Keep well & keep smiling Tim Sharp (aka Dr Happy)

The Stop Worrying Today Course is Now Open to Join (but Closes on Wednesday)

The 7-week Stop Worrying Today Course is now open again to join.

If you join during this period you also get free life-time access to all the material in my The Invincible Summer – an 8-Week Course in Optimism as a special bonus.

The registration to join this course will only be open for 3 days this time, until 1.00 p.m EST (that’s 18.00 GMT) on Wednesday the 28th of February.

Click here to learn more and to join the course

I started working on this course a couple of years ago but it all started 10 years ago when I made a decision to not let this toxic habit limit and control my life.

And this course is filled with all the best things I’ve learned about that in the past decade.

These are the strategies, exercises and simple step-by-step methods that have helped me to stop worrying so much.

The habits that have been a true life-changer for me.

How would your life change if you stopped worrying so much?

Each week of the course you’ll get a written guide, a worksheet to help you gain better understanding of your own situation and results as you go through the course and an audio version of that week’s guide that you can listen to anywhere when you need a boost.

At the end of the weekly guide you’ll get just a few specific action-steps to take that week to minimize the risk of you feeling overwhelmed and getting lost in worry again.

Because I want as many as possible to not only to read the information. But also to take small steps forward each week to make a real and lasting change in their lives.

In this course you’ll for example learn how to:

• Understand the 5 basic reasons for worrying. So you can understand yourself better and where you need put your attention.
• Use the same small, 3-step method I use to put a stop to a worry in about 2 minutes so that I can relax and fully put my focus and energy into what I want.
• Start your day with a morning routine that only takes a few minutes and will get you off to a day of less worries popping up in the first place.
• Work through and overcome persistent worries by using a step-by-step exercise that will help you to finally see the situation and what you can do about it with clear eyes.
• Stop getting lost in worries, fear and in limiting yourself so much. And start living a lighter, happier and less anxious life where you go after – and stay on course towards – what you deep down want in your life.

And a whole lot more.

The window to join The Stop Worrying Today Course closes at 1.00 p.m EST (that’s 18.00 GMT) on Wednesday the 28th of February.

Click here to learn more about The Stop Worrying Today Course and to join it

 

The benefits of empathy and how we can cultivate more of it

As I’ve said many times, real happiness is NOT selfishness.

Rather, real happiness involves thinking about and caring for others.

Which means happiness requires, to some extent, empathy.

But it seems that overall, we might be losing empathy; in what appears to be an increasingly polarised world.

If you’d like to do something about this, then read on…

via the South China Morning Post by Sasha Gonzales

In her Pulitzer Prize-winning novel To Kill a Mockingbird (1960), author Harper Lee writes, “you never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view … until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it”.

Said by one of the main characters, Atticus Finch, to his daughter Scout after she returns from a difficult first day at school, this nugget of wisdom was intended to help the girl “get along better with all kinds of folks” and to open her eyes to the power of empathy.

And indeed, this advice stays with Scout throughout the rest of the story, guiding her moral development and influencing many of her thoughts and decisions.

Empathy is sometimes described as “walking a mile in somebody else’s shoes”, and Dr Timothy Sharp, chief happiness officer at The Happiness Institute in Sydney, Australia, believes that the world needs more of it.

“In recent years, we’ve seen an increase in extremism and a polarisation of perspectives, in politics, human rights and more,” says Sharp, who is also adjunct professor at the University of Technology Sydney business school and RMIT University’s school of health sciences in Melbourne. “And while there are many possible explanations for these problems, I think one of the more credible is a lack of empathy and understanding…

…keep reading the full and original article HERE

Why bronze medalists are happier than silver medalists; and what we can learn from them!

One might assume that Gold Medal winners are the happiest.

And that following this, the most happiness comes to Silver medalists and then Bronze medalists etc…

But happiness isn’t that simple; and “winning” isn’t everything!

Read on to learn what we can learn from these “winners” and how we can use it to maximise our happiness…

via Inc.com by Jessica Stillman

If you’ve been watching the Winter Olympics at all, you know the medal podium is an emotional place. There is triumph and joy, but there are also tears and envy. What sets happy champions apart from miserable ones? Not, apparently, the color of the medal around their neck.

Why bronze medalists are happier

In one classic study, psychologists asked people to look at medalists and rate their level of joy based on their facial expressions. You might think this is a silly exercise — clearly gold medalists are going to win the happiness stakes too, followed by silver and then bronze, right? But that’s not what scientists found.

Instead, the numbers clearly showed that bronze medalists are generally significantly happier than silver medalists, despite having finished behind them. Other studies using slightly different methods (and sports) have confirmed the findings.

So why are silver medalists more unhappy? It comes down to what scientists call “counterfactual dreaming” and what the rest of us know as “daydreaming about what might have been.”

“The most obvious counterfactual thought for the silver medalist might be to focus on almost winning gold… The bronze medalist, however, might focus their counterfactual thoughts downward towards fourth place. She would focus on almost not winning a medal at all,” explains Scientific American’s write-up of this line of research.

Thinking about narrowly missing out on something better obviously makes people less happy than imagining having missed out on glory entirely. Hence the unexpected victory of bronze medalists in the happiness championships…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Ikigai – what we can learn from the Japanese about living a long and happy life

via My Modern Met by Jesica Stewart

Many of us spend our entire lives trying to achieve happiness and the perfect life balance to leave us fulfilled. So what is the key to living a full, fruitful life? In Japan, a concept called ikigai is central to finding one’s satisfaction and meaning in life. In fact, ikigai translates to “reason for being.”

Interestingly, ikigai is certainly not tied just to financial status. It’s more about what puts a smile on your face when you wake up in the morning and keeps you motivated. Finding your ikigai can be a long process that requires deep reflection into your wants and needs in all areas of your life. In short, it’s finding the answer to the question: “What should I do with my life?”

It’s a question that many of us struggle with our whole lives. While some people feel a call to a specific profession or passion early in life, the majority spend a good part of their lives figuring out what truly makes them happy.

IN JAPANESE CULTURE, IKIGAI BREAKS DOWN INTO DIFFERENT AREAS:

• What you love (Passion and Mission)
• What you are good at (Passion and Profession)
• What you can be paid for (Profession and Vocation)
• What the world needs (Mission and Vocation)

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

How to Become a Better Listener: 10 Simple Tips

“I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.”
Ernest Hemingway

“Nature gave us one tongue and two ears so we could hear twice as much as we speak.”
Epictetus

One social habit that I used to be quite bad at was to truly listen when other people spoke. I sometimes zoned out. I got distracted or my attention started to wander before they were done talking.

Or I just waited for my turn to talk again (while thinking about what I should say next).

Not very helpful. So things had to change.

This week I’d like to share 10 simple tips that helped me – and still help me – to become a better listener.

I hope they will help you and your relationships too.

1. Keep in mind: Listening is win/win.

Many may not listen that well because they think they don’t get much out of it personally.

But the better you listen, the better they will listen to you.  And the better and deeper the relationship will be. If you focus on understanding him or her and on giving value based on that then you’ll get the same thing back.

This reminder has been a powerful motivator for me to become a better listener.

2. Tell yourself that you’ll tell someone else about this conversation later on.

One of the best ways to remember something better is to know that you are going to tell what you learned to someone else.

Then you’ll be more alert, naturally start asking more questions to understand and what is said – in my experience – simply seems to stick better.

Plus, you’ll stop focusing so much on what to say next and so the conversation tends to flow better.

3. Keep the eye-contact.

Looking everywhere except at the person talking can make it seem like you are not listening. And then the conversation suffers.

So keep the eye-contact. I found it easier to start doing this more often when I:

• Took it step-by-small-step and improved my eye-contact time in conversations over the span of a few months.
• Focused my gaze at just one of the other person’s eyes at time.

4. Keep that smart phone away.

Browsing the internet on your phone or your computer while trying to listen usually leads missing some part of the conversation and to the person talking feeling like he or she is not listened to.

So put that phone down while listening if you don’t need it to check something or write something down as a part of the conversation.

5. Summarize what was said.

I have found that taking a few seconds to summarize what someone just said – like a longer segment about what happened at work or in a relationship – makes it a lot easier to make sure I’ve understood what happened.

As I say that summary out loud the other person can adjust or correct my understanding and so I can add my perspective, thoughts or questions in a better way based on that rather than my assumptions about what happened and of how the other person’s experienced this situation.

Or I can take some kind of action based on what they actually meant and not what I thought they meant (for example in a work setting where a misunderstanding could lead to frustration and time lost if you misunderstand).

6. Ask instead of trying to mind-read.

Reading someone’s mind is quite difficult. Most of the time impossible. Still, so many of us have tried to do it and started conversations based on that too many times.

So when you feel an impulse to assume and mind-read stop that and start being curious and ask open-ended questions. Going for this kind of question instead of the ones where the other person can just answer a yes or a no will help him/her to open up and to start explaining and sharing what is going on.

7. Get some fresh air and/or exercise.

Few things make it so hard to follow along in a conversation as a tired and foggy head.

Two things that can keep that energy and mental clarity up are to open a window or to take a walk outside to get both some exercise and some fresh air.

Exercising regularly a bit more intensely a few times a week also makes it easier to fully be there when you want to and need to listen.

8. When you listen, just listen.

Don’t interrupt. Don’t jump in with solutions (this one can be a hard one in my experience).

Just be present in the moment and listen fully to what the other person has to say and let him or her speak until the entire message is said.

Sometimes that is also all that’s needed. For someone to truly listen as we vent for a few minutes and figure things out for ourselves.

9. Be honest about your current limitations.

If you’re in a rush or feel very tired or stressed out let the other person know. If you have listened for long while and your mind has hit its limit and starts to wander and you need a break and maybe something to eat say that too.

It is better for the both of you to be honest and to continue the conversation later on rather than trying to fake undivided attention or to try to keep the listening up when you honestly just can’t.

10. Share what you have done in a similar situation.

When asked for advice while listening or when it seems appropriate – not when the other person just needs to vent and get things out – share what you have done in the same situation or a similar one and what worked well for you.

That gives a lot more weight to your input than just random advice or opinions about what you think could work.

3 ways to be your best self

Happiness means different things to different people.

But one of the simplest ways to think about happiness and success is … living our best lives and being our best selves.

This article by Eric Barker focuses on 3 great research-backed ways to achieve this…

How should we treat other people? Well, if you look at ancient traditions, they’re very often on the same page. Golden Rule for the win:

• King James Bible: “All things whatsoever ye would that men should do unto you, do ye even so to them.”
• Hinduism: “Knowing how painful it is to himself, a person should never do to others what he dislikes when done to him by others.”
• Judaism: “What is hateful to you, do not do to your neighbor.”
• Islam: “None of you truly believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself.”

But there’s another question that gets a lot less attention:

How should you treat you?

On this subject we hear a lot of conflicting stuff. Some say confidence is critical and we should always be pumping ourselves up. Others say humility is key and we shouldn’t take ourselves too seriously. And some think we should be hard on ourselves in order to become the best we can be.

But I read something recently that really clicked. It actually made me stop and say, “Wow.”

From 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos:

Treat yourself as if you were someone you were responsible for helping.

Sure, you might be indulgent or impulsively do something you enjoy — but how often do you really approach yourself with the care and concern that you do for a friend in need, a beloved family member, an adorable pet, or a child in your care?

We’ll tell others they need to ask for help — but not reach out when we need it. We’ll be there for friends during difficult times — but not be as sympathetic with ourselves when the problems are our own. And all too often we believe in others when we don’t believe in ourselves.

Heck, even your car gets a tune up now and then but we have no such program of care and maintenance for our own lives.

And then I realized why this idea clicked with me so strongly: it’s supported by no small number of scientific studies.

Research by Kristin Neff, a professor at University of Texas at Austin, has shown something that you’ll probably intuitively agree with: you’re often far harder on yourself than others. Why is that?

Part of it comes down to neuroscience. Your brain is wired to care for friends in need. But that same system doesn’t naturally kick in when we beat ourselves up. When I spoke with Kristin, here’s what she said:

When a friend fails, you don’t feel threatened. You can easily access a part of your physiology: the care-giving system. As mammals we all have part of ourselves that is devoted to care-giving for a friend in need. But when I’m threatened my natural response is fight, flight or freeze. Now, of course, that system developed in order to protect our bodily self, but the problem is that when we fail, our self-concept gets threatened and our body reacts exactly the same way. When we feel threatened we can’t access the care-giving system. Our most immediate and strongest reaction is this fight or flight response. We fight the problem — which is ourselves. We attack ourselves, we judge ourselves, or we feel really isolated. In a way, I think that’s the reason it’s so much easier to be kind to others than ourselves, because we aren’t threatened by others’ problems. We are being hard on ourselves and we’re tapping into the reptilian brain as opposed to the more mature care-giving area.

So we can really benefit by treating ourselves like someone we’re responsible for helping.

Let’s look at three ways the research shows this perspective can lead to a better life — and to your best self…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Discover genuine happiness when you STOP doing these 10 things

Happiness is doing positive things.

Happiness is thinking positive thoughts.

Happiness is accepting negativity and distress.

But happiness is ALSO STOPPING doing these 10 things…

via Inc.com by Mathew Jones

Be honest with yourself.

You are the problem–the one creating your own suffering. You–the voice in your head reading this, thinking about past experiences, and dreaming of the future–are the only one responsible for your pain, discomfort, and limitations.

It’s a difficult truth to stomach. Because from your point of view, you’re both the person in control and the victim to life’s unfair circumstances. It all depends on the situation.

When things are going well, you’re the captain of your ship. Avoiding obstacles and navigating your way through uncharted terrain. But when things aren’t going well, you are the victim to a cruel and unrelenting ocean.

You can’t have it both ways.

You can’t rightfully take responsibility when things are going well and then evade it when difficult circumstances occur. That’s called immaturity–an affliction from which we all suffer.

As a coach working with executives and entrepreneurs, one of my most important functions is pointing out when clients are avoiding taking responsibility for themselves. To highlight when they are dismissing thoughts and feelings that they need to experience. And to teach them how to let go of thoughts, feelings, and actions that are no longer serving their best interest.

The faster we stop doing things that prevent our growth, the faster we improve. It is that simple.

To help accelerate your growth, I’ve identified 10 things that you must stop doing. Read the list below to discover 10 ways to stop being your own worst enemy.

1. Stop pretending that you are a powerless victim to which bad things happen.

As long as you are conscious, have the ability to understand decisions, and can communicate your decision, you have the ability to make important decisions about your life. Start appreciating the power of your decisions. And make them wisely.

2. Stop fantasizing about a future that won’t occur if your current behaviors continue.

Daydreams are nice, but when your actions aren’t leading you towards the manifestation of those ideals, you’re just lying to yourself. At that point, you’re avoiding reality and pretending that you’ll be happy some day in the future, while simultaneously not making any real changes. That’s a recipe for unhappiness and regret.

3. Stop caring about what everyone else thinks. And Does. And says.

Don’t allow popular opinions to dictate your life–the masses are satisfied with a mediocre existence. Embrace your unique talents. Follow your intuition and do what works for you, even if it means breaking away from mainstream ideologies…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

10 habits that will dramatically improve your life

I’ve always said that happiness (and success) requires little more than practising certain behaviours, each and every day.

Happiness is, ultimately, the result of regular effort.

But happiness is only part of living a great life; and the habits we should be practising are varied and numerous. Because our definitions of happiness vary, the habits we should practice will vary; but here are a few of the most common ones. And they’re guaranteed to dramatically improve your life …

via The Ladders by Travis Bradberry

In Hans Christian Andersen’s fable The Red Shoes, a young girl longs for a pair of pretty red shoes. She ultimately tricks the blind woman who cares for her into buying her a pair. Her love for the red shoes causes her to give them priority over the more important things in her life, and, as often happens in fables, karma is not on her side. The shoes become firmly stuck to her feet and force her to dance non-stop, to the point where she almost dies from exhaustion and starvation.

We can scoff at the little girl’s foolishness, but, in real life, we often do the same thing — we chase after the things that we think will make us happy and don’t realize that we’re heading down a dangerous path.

One study found that the people who experience the greatest job satisfaction aren’t the ones in the big, fancy offices; they’re the ones who approach their work as a calling, even when that work involves menial labor.

Another study found that simply seeing fast-food logos makes people impatient. It’s not that there’s some intrinsic characteristic of fast food that makes people impatient; it’s the habits we’ve come to associate with fast food, such as always being on the run, eating on the go, and never slowing down enough to enjoy a healthy meal, that bring out our impatience.

We have to be very careful in choosing our pursuits, because our habits make us. Cultivating the habits that follow will send you in the right direction. They’ll help you to lead a more meaningful and fulfilling life, whereby you cultivate the best within yourself.

1. Stay away from people who erode your quality of life

If merely seeing a logo for a fast-food company can make you feel impatient, just think how much more impact a toxic person can have on your life. They might be unhappy about your decision to stay away from them, and they might tell you very loudly just how unhappy they are, but isn’t avoiding them worth the cumulative effects of years of their negative influence? There are always going to be toxic people who have a way of getting under your skin and staying there. Each time you find yourself thinking about a coworker or person who makes your blood boil, practice being grateful for someone else in your life instead. There are plenty of people out there who deserve your attention, and the last thing you want to do is think about the people who don’t matter…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

“Sonder” – the happiness that’s both INSIDE and OUTSIDE of your

by Dr Happy (aka Dr Tim Sharp) from this week’s free eNewsletter (you can register to receive yours HERE)

Happiness is most often thought of as a subjective and individual experience…

…which it is. But happiness is also a collective and social experience!

Happiness is partially about what we choose to do; how we choose to think; and how we choose to live our lives. All decisions that are usually considered as “internal”.

But we also know that happy people have both more and better quality relationships. So at least some of our happiness is “external”!

Today, I’m inviting you to consider a different and extended perspective on the “external” or social element of happiness or more generally, mood.

A crucial (but little known) concept that relates to this is known as “sonder”. Sonder is the realisation that every single person has their own dreams and ambitions and goals. And also that every single person has their own fears and insecurities and doubts.

We are, therefore, all the same in the sense that we’re happy and sad, confident and self-doubting, brave and scared…all at the same time.

The reason this idea, sonder, is important for happiness is that it helps us understand that we’re not alone, in our good or our bad. And knowing this helps us feel connected, rather than isolated. It can help us understand ourselves and others and so much more…

Parent or Manager? Here’s how to praise properly…

If you’re a parent, you probably want your kids to be happy.

If you’re a boss or manager or even a colleague, you want your team to be satisfied when they’ve done a good job.

In each situation, happiness and performance can be enhanced with praise; but only if it’s done the right way…

via TED IDEAS by Shawn Achor

What’s the worst kind of praise you can give?

One hint: it often ends with the letters “est.” And it can lead to competition and disappointment, says psychologist and workplace researcher Shawn Achor.

Some people treat praise like a limited commodity. They believe that the key to advancement and success must be to absorb and rack up as much recognition and admiration as possible. This is the philosophy we learn in school, then hone to brutal efficiency in the working world.

Yet what these people fail to recognize is that praise is actually a renewable resource. Praise creates what I call a virtuous cycle — the more you give, the more you enhance your own supply. When done right, praise primes the brain for higher performance, which means that the more we praise, the more success we create. And the more successes there are, the more there is to praise. The research I’ve been doing over the past five years shows that the more you can authentically shine praise on everyone in your ecosystem, the more your potential, individually and collectively, rises…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

7 things to tell yourself each and every day

I’ve often spoken and written about how those of us wanting more happiness in our lives can learn from those who’ve achieved success.

In fact what could define success more than real and meaningful happiness?

Accordingly, although not directly focusing on happiness I’ve often shared articles referring to success tips and today is along those lines. But although it’s ostensibly “business” or “success” focused, and doesn’t really mention happiness or life satisfaction, I’ve no doubt there’s much we can all learn from this great article …

via Inc.com by Nicolas Cole

Successful people tend to have very positive inner dialogues.

They know how to nurture their own personal growth. They believe they can do whatever it is they set their mind to. But most of all, they believe in themselves.

If you look at the differences between those who achieve their goals and those who fail, what you’ll usually find is a lack of self belief. Those who fail tend to plan for failure.

There is something to be said about the relationship you have with yourself–and the way you encourage (or discourage) your actions. If you are overly critical every step of the way, chances are, you’re going to lose your motivation to keep trying.

The key is to be patient, positive, and understanding of the process.

Over the years, I have interviewed hundreds of CEOs, executives, serial entrepreneurs, and successful individuals–for written content, and also my own learning. And I have found, time and time again, that successful people all tell themselves these 7 things on a daily basis:

1. “I will figure it out.”

People who succeed don’t plan for failure.

Instead, they plan for obstacles. They know there will be challenges. They know they will need to find their own solutions. So, instead of planning on dealing with defeat, they master skill sets that prepare them for the worst.

They tell themselves, over and over again, “I will figure it out. No matter what.”

And they do…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Exercise – one of the best anti-depressants AND happiness boosters!

We all know exercise is good for our physical health.

But what many don’t know is that it’s also good for our mental health.

In fact, exercise is one of the best anti-depressants and most potent happiness enhancers!

So if you want more happiness, less depression and better mental wellbeing then read on…

via Psychology Today by Erlanger Turner

Depression is a serious mental health condition that has been connected with suicidalbehaviors among adults and youth. Symptoms of depression may include: sadness, feeling hopeless, loss of interest in hobbies, decreased energy, and thoughts of death or suicide (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, HHS; 2015). In a study published in the December 2017 issue of Evidence-Based Practice in Child and Adolescent Mental Health, the authors report that exercise may help reduce depression symptoms among adolescents. This study sought to explore how exercise could potentially be an alternative treatment to medication and therapy…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

78 Inspiring Love Quotes

Today is Valentine’s Day.

So I would like to share thoughts about love from the people who have walked this earth before us (and from a few who are still here).

Timeless thoughts written down and spread throughout the decades, centuries and, yes, even millenniums.

Thoughts not only about happy, romantic love but also the love between friends and family. And about the love that is often neglected or pushed to the side: the love you have for yourself.

This is 78 of the most inspiring, touching, thought-provoking and helpful quotes on love.

1. “Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.”
   — James Baldwin
2. “Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.”
   —  Lucille Ball
3. “Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue, a wonderful living side by side can grow, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky.”
   — Rainer Maria Rilke
4. “The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.”
   — Morrie Schwartz
5. “Love will find a way through paths where wolves fear to prey.”
   — Lord Byron
6. “If I know what love is, it is because of you.”
   — Herman Hesse
7. “I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.”
   — Roy Croft
8. “Love is a friendship set to music.”
   —  Joseph Campbell
9. “We are shaped and fashioned by what we love.”
   — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
10. “When we are in love we seem to ourselves quite different from what we were before.”
    — Blaise Pascal
11. “Love in its essence is spiritual fire.”
    — Seneca
12. “The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost.”
    — Gilbert K. Chesterton
13. “It takes courage to love, but pain through love is the purifying fire which those who love generously know. We all know people who are so much afraid of pain that they shut themselves up like clams in a shell and, giving out nothing, receive nothing and therefore shrink until life is a mere living death.”
    — Eleanor Roosevelt
14. “Don’t brood. Get on with living and loving. You don’t have forever.”
    — Leo Buscaglia
15. “Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.”
    — Maya Angelou
16. “There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved.”
    — George Sand
17. “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
    — Rumi
18. “Love is of all passions the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart and the senses.”
    — Lao Tzu
19. “You know it’s love when all you want is that person to be happy, even if you’re not part of their happiness.”
    — Julia Roberts
20. “At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.”
    — Plato
21. “If I had a flower for every time I thought of you… I could walk through my garden forever.”
    — Alfred Tennyson
22. “When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive – to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.”
    — Marcus Aurelius
23. “The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart.” 
    — Helen Keller
24. “Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.”
    — Oscar Wilde
25. “The only thing we never get enough of is love; and the only thing we never give enough of is love.”
    — Henry Miller
26. “Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”
    — Oprah Winfrey
27. “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”
    – Buddha
28. “You know you’re in love when you don’t want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
    — Dr. Seuss
29. “Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit.”
    — Khalil Gibran
30. “’Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”
    — Alfred Lord Tennyson
31. “Love many things, for therein lies the true strength, and whosoever loves much performs much, and can accomplish much, and what is done in love is done well.”
    — Vincent Van Gogh
32. “The art of love is largely the art of persistence.”
    — Albert Ellis
33. “If you would be loved, love, and be loveable.”
    — Benjamin Franklin
34. “When you adopt the viewpoint that there is nothing that exists that is not part of you, that there is no one who exists who is not part of you, that any judgment you make is self-judgment, that any criticism you level is self-criticism, you will wisely extend to yourself an unconditional love that will be the light of the world.”
    – Harry Palmer
35. “Friends show their love in times of trouble, not in happiness.”
    — Euripides
36. “Love does not dominate; it cultivates.”
    — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
37. “Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.”
    — Paulo Coelho
38. “I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.”
    — Martin Luther King, Jr.
39. “A healthy self-love means we have no compulsion to justify to ourselves or others why we take vacations, why we sleep late, why we buy new shoes, why we spoil ourselves from time to time. We feel comfortable doing things which add quality and beauty to life.”
    – Andrew Matthews
40. “We are most alive when we’re in love.”
    — John Updike
41. “The love we give away is the only love we keep.”
    — Elbert Hubbard
42. “The giving of love is an education in itself.”
    — Eleanor Roosevelt
43. “The more one judges, the less one loves.”
    — Honore de Balzac
44. “Love is so short, forgetting is so long.”
    — Pablo Neruda
45. “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassions, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
    – Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
46. “A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.”
    — Ingrid Bergman
47. “You’re always with yourself, so you might as well enjoy the company.”  — Diane Von Furstenberg
48. “Immature love says: ‘I love you because I need you.’ Mature love says ‘I need you because I love you.’”
    — Erich Fromm
49. “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
    — Lao Tzu
50. “One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love.”
    — Sophocles
51. “The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven? And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives? When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see in truth that you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”
    — Kahlil Gibran
52. “Love is when you meet someone who tells you something new about yourself.”
    — Andre Breton
53. “Better to have lost and loved than never to have loved at all.”
    — Ernest Hemingway
54. “A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.”
    — Elbert Hubbard
55. “I found in my research that the biggest reason people aren’t more self-compassionate is that they are afraid they’ll become self-indulgent. They believe self-criticism is what keeps them in line. Most people have gotten it wrong because our culture says being hard on yourself is the way to be.”
    — Kristen Neff
56. “Love is a better teacher than duty.”
    — Albert Einstein
57. “True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.”
    — Erich Segal
58. “If you aren’t good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you’ll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren’t even giving to yourself.”
    – Barbara De Angelis
59. “The greatest healing therapy is friendship and love.”
    — Hubert H. Humphrey
60. “Every person has to love at least one bad partner in their lives to be truly thankful for the right one.”
    — Unknown
61. “There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
    – Anaïs Nin
62. “Love is what you’ve been through with somebody.”
    — James Thurber
63. “The best proof of love is trust.”
    — Joyce Brothers
64. “A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea.”
    — Honore de Balzac
65. “When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits – anything that kept me small.  My judgment called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving.”
    – Kim McMillen
66. “A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.”
    — Josh Billings
67. “For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love.”
    — Carl Sagan
68. “Fortune and love favor the brave.”
    — Ovid
69. “To love is nothing. To be loved is something. But to love and be loved, that’s everything.”
    — T. Tolis
70. “Love is not only something you feel, it is something you do.”
    — David Wilkerson
71. “Loving people live in a loving world. Hostile people live in a hostile world. Same world.”
    — Wayne Dyer
72. “Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.”
    — Anaïs Nin
73. “Where there is love there is life.”
    — Mahatma Gandhi
74. “Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.”
    — Robert A. Heinlein
75. “Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”
    — Martin Luther King Jr.
76. “And in the end, the love you take, is equal to the love you make.”
    — Paul McCartney
77. “If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.”
    — A. A. Milne
78. “All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”
    — Charles Schulz

What is your favorite quote on love? Feel free to share the best one(s) you have found in this article or in your own life in the comments section below.

The Positive Benefits of Being in a Loving Relationship

via Country Living by Francesca Rice

‘All you need is love’ may be more true than we ever imagined because the benefits of being in a happy relationship really do seem to be pretty undeniable – and not just because there’s always someone there to slob around watching Netflix with you.

Of course, that’s not to say that being by yourself doesn’t come with its own upsides – recent research by the University of California suggests that single people are actually more fulfilled, sociable and self-sufficient than their married counterparts – but, time and time again, science has proven that there are big advantages to being in a loving and stable relationship.

Just for the record, we’re not talking about those first, heady days at the start of a romance either, but about long-term partnerships that are genuinely fulfilling for both parties.

*The emphasis really is on ‘happy’ couples, here: after all, a 2016 study by the University of Buffalo showed that being in a ‘low-quality’ relationship is actually detrimental to your health.*

So, the next time you feel like sighing at your partner for whatever reason, maybe keep these seven scientifically proven benefits to being loved-up in mind…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

10 ways to make someone else happy (and, therefore, make yourself happy)!

Happiness isn’t just feeling good; it’s also doing good.

Happiness isn’t just a positive emotion; it’s positive actions that impact positively on others.

So if you want to feel happier, make others happy!

And this great article outlines 10 ways to brighten someone else’s world…

via PsychCentral by Margarita Tartakovsky

Our actions matter. Even the smallest acts can have significant impact, because we have an incredible power that we often forget about: We have the power to brighten someone’s world, in big and small ways. A kind gesture can do everything from make someone smile to soothe their sorrow to restore their faith in humanity.

This might sound dramatic, but it’s true.

Think about how you feel when you’re having a bad day, and a stranger smiles and holds the door for you, or says you can skip ahead of them in line, or buys you a cup of coffee. Think about how you feel after a loved one gives a compliment or listens to you, without interrupting or judging or saying what you should be doing.

As illustrator Emily Coxhead writes in Make Someone Happy: A Creative Journal for Brightening the World Around You, “You are one in over 7.4 billion humans on this planet and although you may not be able to change the whole world, you can make a few of those worlds a tiny bit brighter.”

Below are 10 ideas from Coxhead’s journal to try this week…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

A somewhat surprising way to make your life better. Stop avoiding these 16 uncomfortable feelings!

Happiness … is NOT something we can enjoy ALL the time.

Unhappiness … is NOT ALL BAD!

Living our best lives will, realistically, involve good and bad; happiness and sadness; success and failure.

The sooner we understand that the better. And the sooner we understand that avoiding discomfort and unpleasant moods is not necessarily the best strategy.

So if you want MORE happiness; embrace uncomfortableness. If you want a better life, STOP avoiding these…

via Thought Catalog by Brianna Wiest

1. Not having a 5-year plan.

The idea that any of us know where we will be years down the road is an illusion – a comforting illusion. It is better to focus on one step at a time than getting overly-attached to a path you may not want to be on when the time arrives.

2. Spending a whole day by yourself.

In solitude, you find self-awareness. When you don’t have to be anything to anyone else – you see what it means to be yourself.

3. Doing “nothing.”

Hyper-productivity is gratifying in small doses, but it is in doing what we often brush off as “nothing” that we find the true joys of life: reading a novel, having coffee and breathing in the morning air, relaxing on the couch, laughing with friends and having no further agenda.

4. Admitting when you’re wrong.

As the adage goes: would you like to be right, or would you like to be good?

5. Not justifying your actions.

We do not justify our actions to convince other people we’ve done the right thing, we justify them to convince ourselves…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

If you really want to be happier, do these 15 things after work instead of watching TV!

via Business Insider by Alyse Kalish

• It’s common for people to unwind after work with more screen time.
• However, studies have proven that this behavior can often lead to unhappiness, headache, and a reduced quality of sleep.
• Engaging in activities such as reading, socializing, or exercising — instead of watching television — will have a positive effect on your mental state.

---

For the longest time, I would come home from work and immediately pop on the TV. It was mindless — after a day of meetings, intensive heads-down work, and never-ending email chains, the only thing I thought I wanted to do was watch five episodes of some sitcom I’d seen hundreds of times before.

But then last year, I realized I was always ending the day feeling exhausted, or worse with a headache. In addition, I wasn’t sleeping well. So, I tried an experiment: Instead of turning on the TV in my free time, I’d pick up a book.

The results were surprising. I have more energy both after work and the next day, and I read 23 books in 2017 (compared to around 10 in 2016). And, most importantly, I discovered a way to relax that didn’t make me feel like a lazy couch bum.

So when I came across a recent article in Quartz explaining how screen time makes us unhappy, I had one of those eureka moments.

OK, so it’s not surprising that watching TV or looking at your phone for too long isn’t good for you. But what’s so intriguing is that extensive research found that doing any other activity that doesn’t involve a screen makes you happier than screen time would.

To quote one study cited in the article:

“We found that teens who spent more time seeing their friends in person, exercising, playing sports, attending religious services, reading, or even doing homework were happier. However, teens who spent more time on the internet, playing computer games, on social media, texting, using video chat, or watching TV were less happy.”

So, that got me thinking — if avoiding screens will make you happier, what else can you do to unwind after a day of work?

If you’re out of ideas, I’ve compiled 15 for you…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

The ONE THING you need to do to overcome fear

It’s hard to be happy if you’re worried and anxious.

Fear can stop us living our best lives and then, not surprisingly, eat away at our happiness.

But the good news is we can be happier; if we just do this ONE THING to overcome our fear…

via Inc.com by Mareo McCracken

Many business leaders pretend they are incredibly controlled, stoic, and confident. The perceived ideal image is for them to show that they do not feel fear.

Truth?  

I have never met anyone who doesn’t face fear.

Every day, I don’t know exactly what my team is going to do. I don’t know what my clients are going to do. I don’t know what my partners are going to do. I don’t know what my future clients are going to do.

The biggest fear of all? I don’t know if the actions I take will create the exact results that I want.

I am not alone.

Every single entrepreneur, leader, or executive is afraid of something. That fear is always shown in behavior. It might be the tone of voice or the act of not taking action, or it might be shown in aggression towards a threat. No matter how it is shown, fear is real.

Everyone knows fear kills.

Fear kills opportunities, relationships, sales, product launches, and employee morale.

Fear is formed when the mind focuses on the uncertainty of future outcomes. Confidence comes from awareness of all the facts along with a belief in a positive outcome, no matter the uncertainty present.

The good thing is there’s some MIT research that shows you exactly how to overcome fear–even if that was not the point of the research, to begin with…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

How to Live a Happy Life: 10 Things to Say Yes to Starting Today

“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.”
Marcus Aurelius

“Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
Abraham Lincoln

“If you want happiness for an hour — take a nap.
If you want happiness for a day — go fishing.
If you want happiness for a year — inherit a fortune.
If you want happiness for a lifetime — help someone else.”
Chinese Proverb

Saying no is often the easier way out.

When you say no you can safely stay within your comfort zone. You don’t have to fear failing or being rejected. The scary unknown and sometimes difficult change can be avoided.

But if you say yes your life can expand and deepen. The yes allows you to open up your life to more happiness.

Today I would like to share 10 things that I have said yes to and that have helped me to become happier in my life.

Pick one of these that resonate the most with you and focus on making it a part of your life.

1. Being imperfect.

Trying to be perfect is setting the bar too high. It will be impossible to reach. And so you’ll lower your self-esteem. You may not feel very happy about how things are going in your life. Even though they might be going very well indeed.

Perfectionism is mindset that eats at you and your happiness. Saying yes to being imperfect can turn that around.

How to do it:

• Realize the costs of buying into myths of perfection. By watching too many movies, listening to too many songs and just taking in what the world is telling you it is very easy to be lulled into dreams of perfection. It sounds so good and wonderful and you want it.
  But in real life it clashes with reality and it can harm or possibly lead you to end relationships, jobs, projects etc. just because your expectations are out of this world. I find it very helpful to remind myself of this simple fact.
• Go for good enough. Aiming for perfection usually winds up in a project or something else very slowly or never being finished. So go for good enough instead. Don’t use it as an excuse to slack off. But simply realize that there is something called good enough and when you are there then you are finished with whatever you are doing.

2. Being you.

Not being able to be yourself, always trying to change for others or censoring yourself don’t feel good at all. It makes life feel so small and limited.

So how can you be yourself? Your environment plays a huge part.

How to do it:

• Supportive people. Spend more time with the people who support your dreams, values and you. Or are at least neutral. And spend less time with people who always criticize you or you simply aren’t a good fit for.
• Supportive and life-expanding influences outside of your everyday life. Change your environment not only close to you. Go further and spend more time with sources of information that supports your dreams and can give you information that expands and makes your life happier and more exciting. Find support from people you have never met via books, movies, blogs, forums and music. And spend less time with negative and limiting influences.

3. The things that make you come alive.

It is important to find some time and energy for the things that you feel makes you come alive.

How to do it:

• Mix it up. Try something new, even if it is just something small each week. Eat the vegetarian dish at lunch if you always eat meat. Listen to some music that isn’t your normal cup of tea. Go out to a movie, café or pub with friends if you usually stay in at night. Or vice versa. Create variation and expand your comfort zone regularly in small ways to live a happier life.
• Reconnect with what you used to love if it has fallen by the wayside. If you used to go fishing, paint or play the guitar and it really made you come alive then reconnect. Use an hour for it this week and see if it still brings you joy and makes you come alive.

4. Optimism.

Pessimism can really limit your life and bring it to a standstill. It can make it feel like there’s no point in trying because it won’t make a difference or you’ll just fail. It can create ceilings and walls made out of glass where there really are none.

Saying yes a more optimistic way of thinking can on the other hand open your life up.

How to do it:

• Ask yourself optimistic questions. When you’re in what seems like a negative situation then make something better out of it by asking yourself questions that promote optimism and helps you to find solutions. Questions like: What is one thing that is positive or good about this situation? And what is the opportunity within this situation?
• Start your day off on the right foot. As mentioned in tip #2, the influences in your life can make a huge difference. So choose to spend your breakfast time with an optimistic influence like for example a book, a blog or your mom. Or talk to someone early in the day that most often supports and cheers you up like a co-worker or a friend in school.

5. Turning negative self-talk around.

It is very important to keep your motivation and your self-esteem up to live a happier life.

Your inner critic may be one of biggest obstacles standing in your way of that. If you make a mistake or fail, if someone criticizes you or if you are just getting tired then that small inner voice can become louder and louder and drag and keep you down.

It can tell you that you are stupid or lazy. That you will not succeed. That you are worse or uglier than someone else.

Being able to turn the inner critic around or to shut it up as soon as it pops up is a very helpful skill.

How to do it:

• Say stop. Simply create a stop word or stop-phrase that you say or shout in your mind whenever your critic pipes up with a distorted and self-esteem hurting thought. Say: Stop! Or: No, no, no, we are not going there again!
• Explain to yourself what this will lead to over the next year or more. As I mentioned in tip #1, reminding yourself of the cost of buying into myths of perfection is a powerful way to replace those thought habits. This works very well for other self-esteem hurting thought patterns too. Remind yourself of how the inner critic has shaped your life so far. And in your mind see the cost of letting it roam free for another year or five.

6. Saying no when you feel it is the right thing for you to do.

To have the time and energy to say yes to the most important things you have to say no to some things too.

How to do it:

• What do I truly want to focus my time and energy on? When you get an offer or an opportunity arises ask yourself this question. When you look over your schedule ask yourself this question. Think about and look at what your top priorities are and what you deep want before you say anything.
• Disarm and then state your need. It becomes easier for people to accept your no if you disarm them first. You could for example do that by honestly saying that you are flattered or that you appreciate the kind offer. Then you, for instance, add that you do not have the time for accepting and doing what they want. Or say that you do not feel that this offer is a good fit for your life right now.

7. Forgiveness.

Not clinging to the past and to the hurt that is there but to let it go and look to the now and the future is an essential thing to find more happiness in your life.

Forgiving is not always easy and can take time but there are some things that can make it a little easier.

How to do it:

• Remind yourself that you forgive for your own benefit. As long as you don’t forgive someone you are linked to that person. Your thoughts will return to the person who wronged you and what he or she did over and over again.
  The emotional link between the two of you is so strong and inflicts much suffering in you and – as a result of your inner turmoil – most often in other people around you too. When you forgive you do not only release the other person. You set yourself free from all of that agony too.
• Make a habit of forgiving yourself. Do not just forgive others but also yourself. By forgiving yourself – instead of resenting yourself for something you did a week or 10 years ago – you make the habit of forgiveness more and more of a natural part of you. And so forgiving others becomes easier too.

8. Making someone else happy.

Making someone else happier has many benefits. The happiness spreads back to you as you see his or her face light up and as you know you did the right thing.

It spreads back to you as people have a strong tendency to want to give back when you have done something good for them. And it spreads out into the world as that now happier person may spread his or her happiness to other people.

How to do it:

• Help out practically. Lend someone a hand when they are moving. Or give them a ride in your car. Or if they need information, try to find a solution by asking the people you know or via Google.
• Just listen. Sometime a friend or someone close to you may just want to vent or for someone to listen as he or she figures things out. It may not seem like much but it can be an immense help for someone who needs it. So be there fully – don’t sit there thinking about something else – and listen.

9. Openness and growth.

Saying yes to being open to the good things in life and growing as a person plays a big role when it comes to happiness.

The other things in this article will help you with that. But here are two more tips that will make your journey a little easier and simpler.

How to do it:

• Change one thing at a time. Changing many things or your whole life at once sure sounds good. But willpower is something we often overestimate and everyday life tends to come in the way. So to make sure you have a much better chance of changing a habit or area of your life change just one thing at a time.
• Start small. Just say no to one small thing you don’t want to do this week. Or forgive one person for one thing. Or help and make someone happy in some small way. Take just one small step outside of your comfort zone.

10. To living your life fully despite setbacks.

When things have been standing still for while or you hit a bump in the road then it’s easy to back down. To shrink. To give in or give up.

But a better way to say yes to happiness in those situations is to say yes to living your life fully.

How to do it:

• Keep going. When you fail or make a mistake don’t give up. Reconnect with optimism by using the questions further up in this article. Find inspiration from books and blogs and the people around you. Don’t beat yourself up. Instead nudge yourself back on track again.
• Remember, it’s not too late to change your life. I didn’t really try to improve my life very much until I was 25. And many throughout the world and history have made positive changes far later in life than that. So if you want to make a change then start today. Work with what you have where you are right now. Start small and take the first step towards something new.

Be prepared to face these 4 uncomfortable truths if you really want to achieve your goals

At least part of happiness and living a good life is achieving and accomplishing meaningful goals.

At least part of achieving goals is facing up to realities!

So to enjoy more happiness, feel better, and boost your life satisfaction read on…

via Inc.com by Julian Hayes II

Accomplishing your goals requires skills and strategy. However, accomplishing your goals also requires that you enter into the arena with the proper mindset equipped to endure.

With that said, equipping a proper mindset is where many fall short which is why their goals become unfulfilled. As I’ve learned through personal experience and through communicating with others, falling short of goals isn’t due to a lack of desire or talent.

It’s due to not facing the uncomfortable truths of life.

No matter the endeavor, there is going to be discomfort and nothing can prevent that. With all of that said, here are four tough realities about life that you’ll need to embrace in order to have a chance of accomplishing your goals this year.

1. No one cares about your goals.

This sounds harsh and when someone first told me this, I took it personally. However, after nursing up my inflated ego, this notion became freeing to me because it made me realize that since no one cares about my goals, I shouldn’t let the opinion of others or the anticipation of what they might say prevent me from pursuing my goals.

With this said, people not caring about your goals isn’t personal. It solely means that they aren’t going to lose sleep over whether you hit your goals or even stick to them (they have their own issues consuming them).

Therefore, when you set your visions and intentions, create them from a place of selfishness where it’s something that you truly want to pursue.

Review your vision and ask yourself if your vision is truly yours and if there are some small fragments that are in there for approval seeking–ruthlessly cut them out…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

5 powerful ways to increase your emotional intelligence

Living a great life isn’t just about happiness.

Happiness and positive emotions are important for life satisfaction; but there’s also much more we need to include in our happiness formula.

We’re not, for example, happy all the time; and nor are other people.

So living our best lives is enjoying happiness, managing other less pleasurable emotions, but also understanding and responding appropriately to other people depending on how they’re faring.

This, in other words, is emotional intelligence. And here’s how you can boost yours…

via Eric Barker

Emotional Intelligence. Another “it” theory of the moment. The media’s panacea of the week. Another great thing we all need — that nobody seems to be able to clearly define.

I swear I’m going to do a book of psychology buzzword mad libs (“My mindful grit is emotionally intelligent due to the oxytocin in my mirror neurons”). But I digress…

Here’s the thing: emotional intelligence is real — but that vague 2-sentence summary you read in an inflight magazine isn’t accurate and won’t give you what you need to improve this curious little skill set.

So what is it really? (I’m so glad you asked.) It’s a concept that John Mayer of the University of New Hampshire and Yale professor Peter Salovey came up with in the early 90’s that was subsequently studied and popularized by Daniel Goleman. Here’s Mayer’s definition.

From Harvard Business Review Guide to Emotional Intelligence:

From a scientific standpoint, emotional intelligence is the ability to accurately perceive your own and others’ emotions; to understand the signals that emotions send about relationships; and to manage your own and others’ emotions.

Now most of the work on emotional intelligence has been done around its effects in the workplace but it’ll quickly become obvious how it can improve most any area of your life. And, for the record, yeah, EI does work.

From HBR’s 10 Must Reads on Emotional Intelligence:

In a 1996 study of a global food and beverage company, McClelland found that when senior managers had a critical mass of emotional intelligence capabilities, their divisions outperformed yearly earnings goals by 20%. Meanwhile, division leaders without that critical mass underperformed by almost the same amount. McClelland’s findings, interestingly, held as true in the company’s U.S. divisions as in its divisions in Asia and Europe.

And what’s most interesting about EI is that as you move up the corporate ladder its importance increases dramatically.

From HBR’s 10 Must Reads on Emotional Intelligence:

When I compared star performers with average ones in senior leadership positions, nearly 90% of the difference in their profiles was attributable to emotional intelligence factors rather than cognitive abilities.

Research has shown EI has 5 component parts. Let’s learn how to develop each one so that we can leverage its tremendous power to achieve global domination improve our lives at home and at work…

1) Self-Awareness

This one is first and that’s not random. Self-awareness is the most essential of emotional intelligence skills. Why?

Because without this guy you’ve got no way to evaluate what skills you have, what you lack and what you need to work on. You’re flying blind. So what’s the formal definition?

From HBR’s 10 Must Reads on Emotional Intelligence:

Self-awareness means having a deep understanding of one’s emotions, strengths, weaknesses, needs, and drives. People with strong self-awareness are neither overly critical nor unrealistically hopeful. Rather, they are honest with themselves and with others. People who have a high degree of self-awareness recognize how their feelings affect them, other people, and their job performance.

Want to know the best shortcut for identifying if someone is high in self-awareness or not?

From HBR’s 10 Must Reads on Emotional Intelligence:

One of the hallmarks of self-awareness is a self-deprecating sense of humor.

To make fun of yourself — and get a laugh — you have to know yourself and how you are perceived.

So how do you increase self-awareness? Get feedback. You don’t always see yourself accurately. And this friend or that friend doesn’t always see you accurately. But if you survey five or ten pals, you’re going see some very accurate trends.

From Insight:

…other people generally see us more objectively than we see ourselves. Psychologist Timothy Smith and his colleagues powerfully demonstrated this in a study with 300 married couples in which both partners were being tested for heart disease. They asked each participant to rate both their own and their partner’s levels of anger, hostility, and argumentativeness- all strong predictors of the illness- and found that people’s self-ratings were infinitely less accurate than those of their spouses. Another study asked more than 150 Navy officers and their subordinates to rate the officers’ leadership style, and found that only the subordinates could accurately assess their bosses’ performance and promotability.

(To learn more about the science of a successful life, check out my bestselling book here.)

So you see yourself more accurately. That’s great, but we all know someone who is aware they’re a jerk — and yet keeps acting like a jerk. So what do we need to complement our new self-knowledge?

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

14 steps to supercharge your happiness

via PickTheBrain by Samy Felice

There’s this underlying sentiment, subtly propagated through media that we first need to achieve something notable, to prove that we’re ‘enough’ and happy.

But the biggest breakthrough we could ever make in our lives is to cultivate the habits, which allow us to move deeper into embracing our present.

It’s only then, that we’ll be in a better position to experience great breakthroughs.

1. Make Yourself Feel Good Every Morning

Your daily morning routine is the foundation for your life. If you start off each day by cultivating the mental, spiritual, physical, and emotional areas of your life you’ll head into your day with a spring in your step.

Whether you read, exercise, journal, meditate, take a cold shower, or else — a sign that you’re moving in the right direction is that you practice what puts you in peak mental and physical state each day.

2. Mostly Eat Healthily

Anyone can eat a couple of fruits and vegetables per day. Anyone can eat one protein-rich meal per day. Anyone can skip the soda and make sure they drink enough water.

Eating healthy is not a pursuit of perfection, it’s just about feeding your body more of what it needs, and less of what it doesn’t.

Yet, in a world where companies are spending billions of dollars on marketing processed foods, it’s okay to slip up on occasion. But by feeding your body more nutritious foods most of the time, you’ll down-regulate part of the lure processed foods have over you.

3. Exercise Daily

Exercise isn’t just about accelerating your physiques development; it’s also a way to improve your physiology. Similarly to fine-tuning a car, your body needs the right intervention to operate at its best.

If you’re exercising in some form every day (even if it’s just taking a long walk), then you’re also leveraging all the areas of your life closer to their full potential…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

6 ways to shift a negative mindset

via Inc.com by Susan Streinbrecher

“Seeking happiness outside ourselves is like waiting for sunshine in a cave facing north.” This Tibetan saying is wisdom of the ages, essentially affirming that true happiness must come from within. And in order to find that sense of peace within yourself, you must try your best to live in the moment, every moment of the day.

Mastering the art of living in the moment takes practice and patience. Over a lifetime, you accumulate memories and experiences that can either propel you forward with joyful expectation or they can hold you back, preventing you from achieving genuine happiness. Having awareness of the fact that most of your thoughts are held captive in the past — or anxiously awaiting the future — is the first step to freedom.

Clearing away the illusions that cloud your ability to see what is real is the first step. It is not uncommon to think the answer to your problems lies outside of yourself. You imagine that, “If only (he or she) would do that for me…or give me what I need…” you would be happy.

The reality is that your expectations of others are a recipe for disappointment. The more you expect someone to do something — the more you inevitably set yourself up for frustration. In other words, the expectation was only your own and had nothing to do with the other person’s wishes or intent.

Once you master clearing away some of your illusions, cultivate more mindful awareness in your relationship with yourself and others by trying the following:

1. Meditate

Get into the habit of putting five to 10 minutes aside each day to meditate. If an early morning practice is not practical, make time during the day. Try this five minute mindful meditation, or do a walking meditation outside during a break or at lunch. Make that appointment with yourself and don’t miss it. Before you know it, you’ll start to see the payoffs in terms of greater mental clarity, reduced stress, and an enhanced feeling of centeredness that can carry you through a hectic work day…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE