Sometimes, happiness is NOT doing

by Dr Tim Sharp (aka Dr Happy)

Just like me, I’m sure there are things that upset you…

…and just like me, you probably react in different ways at different times. 

But what if you didn’t react at all!

Some time ago, I realised that one of the most powerful and effective strategies for responding to distress or difficult circumstances was … not doing anything. Because I realised that I didn’t have to do anything!

So often so many of us think we have to respond; that we have to react to people or situations because they’re bad or wrong. But we don’t. Quite simply, we an choose to do something or choose to do nothing. And in many instances, the latter may well be the best option. 

Imagine, for example, that someone threw a dart at you. You could try to catch it; but that would risk you injuring yourself. You could try to catch it and then throw it back; but would make you just as bad as the person who threw the dart in the first place. Or you could just gently swerve out of the way and let the dart pass you by; in short, you could not react at all.

Now this option of non-reactivity might not always be appropriate; but do you think it might be worth considering and utilising at least some of the time? 

…So that’s today’s mailing. Take some time to reflect upon the message and how it might apply to you. Check out, also, the links below for some additional readings and resources.

I hope it helps you enjoy some more happiness. Until next time…

Keep well & keep smiling
Tim Sharp (aka Dr Happy)

6 lessons from Positive Psychology that will improve your daily life

Happiness … is living well every day.

Happiness … is thriving and flourishing, through daily practices.

Happiness … is something YOU can enjoy more of when you integrate these 6 strategies into your daily life:

via PsychCentral by Sharon Martin

Are you feeling discouraged about your health, your job, or the political climate in our country?

Are you worried about a loved one who is struggling?

Do you feel stuck in a toxic or unfulfilling relationship?

Are you lonely or wondering if you’ll ever find the one?

You’re certainly not alone in feeling down and discouraged. Problems – our own and those in the world around us — have a way of casting a dark cloud over our entire lives. You may find yourself plagued with negative thoughts, self-criticism, and expecting the worst.

Most people would like to be happier, or at least more content and relaxed. Positive psychology strives to help us understand how to be happier, more optimistic, and resilient. So, whether you have clinical depression or you’re down about a recent setback, positive psychology can be applied to your everyday life to improve your mood and wellbeing.

What is positive psychology?

Positive psychology is a newer branch of psychology that studies happiness and how our lives can be more fulfilling. Positive psychology helps us recognize and use our strengths and notice more of our positive emotions and experiences. Many positive psychology strategies have the added benefit of being quite simple and accessible.

These tips or strategies aren’t intended to solve all your problems or cure depression. I hope they’re simply a reminder of the little things we can do for ourselves to create more positive energy and emotional well being.

Ways to use positive psychology in your everyday life

1) Gratitude. Gratitude is one of the most popular positive psychology approaches– and for good reasons. According to Happify, people who practice gratitude regularly “experience more positive emotions, feel more alive, sleep better, express more compassion and kindness, and even have stronger immune systems.” We’re all familiar with keeping a gratitude journal or a daily practice of recording several things we’re thankful for. But there are plenty of other ways to experience the positive effects of gratitude. Here are just a few other ideas:

• Snap pictures of things you’re grateful for and take a few minutes daily to look through your virtual photo gratitude journal
• Prayer
• Volunteer or giving back to your community
• Write a thank you note
• Spend time in nature and appreciating its wonder and beauty
• Share the best part of your day around the dinner table
• Call a friend and let them know you’re thinking of them
• Write something positive about your family and post it on the refrigerator
• Bring coffee and bagels for your coworkers or employees
• When you look in the mirror, instead of focusing on your flaws, say thank you to your body for all it does (“Thank you legs for carrying me all around town.”)

2) Humor. There’s a reason that videos of laughing babies and goats in pajamas are so popular — they make us feel better by quickly shifting our focus onto something fun, hopeful, and uplifting. We all know from experience that laughter is good medicine! And research confirms that laughter reduces physical pain, improves mood, counteracts stress, and increases resiliency. So, there’s no need to feel guilty — watching those goats in pajamas is probably time well spent…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

How to Stop Being Pessimistic: 10 Positive Thinking Tips

One of the most powerful habits that I’ve picked up in the past 10+ years is to stop being pessimistic and to think in a more optimistic and constructive way instead.

It makes life feel lighter and not so burdensome.

It opens up new paths towards where you want to go and it helps you to more easily overcome setbacks (and often get something good out of them).

You’ll feel less worried and sorry for yourself and more motivated to keep taking action.

So the benefits of optimism are great.

But how do you adopt this habit?

Well, learning to think in a less pessimistic and more positive way may sound a bit vague.

So in this week’s article I want to break it down into 10 practical tips and smaller habits that you can start using today.

1. Start replacing the negativity in your surroundings and life.

What you let into your mind during your regular day will have a big effect on how you think and feel.

So start questioning what you let into your mind.

You can do that by asking yourself:

What are the top 3 sources of negativity in my life?

It could be someone close to you or at work or in school. A website you visit often. A magazine, TV-show, podcast, music and so on.

Then take out a piece of paper and or an empty document on your smart phone and ask yourself:

What can I do to spend less time with these 3 sources this week?

Come up with ideas and action-steps for doing that on your piece of paper or in your phone.

If you can’t come up with steps for doing that with all 3 right now then focus on doing it with just one of the sources.

And then, during the next 7 days, spend the time you’ve now freed up on the most positive sources and people in your life.

2. When you’re in what looks like a negative situation, find what’s good or helpful about it.

One of the biggest differences between an optimist and someone who lets pessimistic thoughts cloud his mind is how that person perceives a setback or obstacle in life.

I used to, for example, feel like giving up and going home when I stumbled into a negative situation.

It felt like it was permanent place I got stuck in and that whatever I did it would not make much of a difference anyway. And so my mind filled up with pessimistic thoughts and I often beat myself up for whatever I had done.

These days I go about things a differently.

When I find myself in a situation that looks bleak or negative I ask myself questions that will empower me and help me to grow.

Questions like:

• How would my best friend or parent support and help me in this situation?
• What’s one good thing about this situation?
• What’s one thing I can learn from this?
• What’s one thing I can do differently the next time to likely have a better outcome?

3. Work out regularly.

When I have a tough time thinking myself out of negative thoughts then a short 20-30 minute workout with free weights can help me to change my headspace.

It is time well spent because it releases so many inner tensions and stress, worried feelings and makes me feel stronger again.

It focuses my mind and when I’m done with the workout then I’m in a much better place to handle what is going on in my life right now.

Working out several times a week on a regular schedule also helps me to prevent getting stuck in a pessimistic funk in the first place.

4. Stop making mountains out of a molehill.

This used to be one of my biggest issues. I blew up small or medium-sized issues or challenges into monsters in my mind.

Not a good habit if you want to take action to move forward or if you don’t want a lot of worries and fear in your daily life.

The easiest way to ground yourself in a situation where you start to sense that you may be making a mountain out of a molehill is in my experience to zoom out a bit on your life by using a question like:

Will this matter in 5 years? Or even 5 weeks?

I have found that answer for me is almost always that it honestly won’t.

5. Be grateful for a few of the things you may often take for granted.

When your lens that you view your daily life through is tinted in a negative way then it’s easy to miss the things you can actually be grateful for.

The things you have that many, many in the world do not have or things you may take for granted.

Take a minute as you get out of bed in morning or get into it in the evening and put your attention on a few such things.

A handful of the ones I most often come back to are:

• Three steady meals a day.
• A roof over my head during the rainy days and long, cold seasons here in Sweden.
• As much clean water as I want.
• The kind and helpful family and friends I have in my life.

This one is also a great way to change your perspective when you have a setback or a failure.

Take a minute or more then to reflect on what you can be thankful for.

6. Come back to this moment (and stay here).

When you’re on the train of negative thoughts then you’re often thinking about something that happened.

You’re reliving it. Thinking again and again about what you could or should have done or said.

Or you’re thinking about something that could happen.

Or maybe a mix of the two of them as a past experience or two build a monster in your mind about what the future may bring.

To get out of any of those places snap back into this present moment. To what is right here, right now.

If you make this a habit and try to spend more of your day in this present space then you’ll have a fewer negative thoughts and be more focused on what is good and what you can do in this very moment in time to move forward.

So how do you do it practically?

A couple of my favorite ways to bring myself to back to being mindful and into this moment are:

• Spend 1-2 minutes on just taking in the world around you. Take a very quick break and just focus to 100% on what is around you right now. The sights. The smells. How the sun warms your skin or how your clothes feel. The people walking by your window and the sounds of the kids playing a little further away.
• Spend 1-2 minutes on just focusing on your breathing. Take a little deeper breathes than you usually do. Make sure you breathe with you belly and through your nostrils. During this short break only focus on the air going in and out of you and nothing else.

7. Let it out.

If you let negative thoughts bounce around in your mind then they’ll drag you down.

A workout can help you to release them. Or you can use questions that promote optimistic thinking as described above.

Another thing that works really well is to just let it out.

To talk the negative situation over with someone close to you.

Venting for a few minutes can really help to find a new and more grounded perspective on the situation. As the other person listens you can figure things out for yourself and what you want to do about it.

Or you may want more active help.

If the two of you have a conversation about the situation then you can together find a more helpful perspective and perhaps even the start of an action-plan for what you can do to make things better.

8. Bring the positivity to someone else’s life.

When you get stuck in a pessimistic mindset or victim thinking then one of the simplest ways to get out of that and out of your own head is to bring the positivity to someone in your life.

By adding it and seeing him or her light up and become happier you’ll feel better about yourself and more optimistic again.

Here’s three ways you can do that:

• Be kind. Give a genuine compliment about her great taste in music or his cooking, hold up the door or let someone into your lane while driving your car.
• Help out. Give some good advice that has worked well for you when you’ve been in the same situation that your friend or co-worker is in right now. Or help out with setting up your friend’s party this weekend or as he’s moving to a new apartment next week.
• Just be there. Listen as she vents. Or talk her difficult challenge or situation over to help her to start finding her way out of it.

9. Go slowly.

When I go too fast, when I think, talk and move around too fast then things don’t go that well.

Stress builds up and it becomes harder to think clearly and level-headedly.

Negative thoughts start to swirl around in my mind more often and it’s tough to handle or put a stop to them.

If I on the other hand slow down then my mind and body calms down too.

It becomes easier to once again find the optimistic perspective and a constructive way forward towards what I want.

10. Get a positive start to your day.

The first few things you do in the morning often set the tone for your whole day.

If you get off to a negative or pessimistic start then it can be quite hard to shake those feelings or perspective.

But if you get your morning off to a positive start then it becomes a lot easier to stay with that emotion and the optimism all the way to when it’s bedtime.

A couple of simple ways to get your day off to a positive start is:

• A quick reminder on your bedside table or bathroom mirror. It could be a quote that truly inspired you. Or your most important focus or dream right now. Write it down on a piece of paper and put it where you’ll see within the first 1-3 minutes after you wake up.
• Get some positive information or conversation flowing into your mind. You can do that by listening to a podcast or some of your favorite music, by reading an uplifting blog post or a chapter in a book that makes you laugh. Or you can have a fun or motivating conversation with your kids, partner, co-worker or friend over breakfast or as you ride the bus to school or work.

These 16 “mental shifts” will bring you more happiness and success

via Entrepreneur by Deep Patel

We are all searching for that elusive elixir that will help increase our wealth, gain success and live a life of contentment and peace. Who doesn’t want to find a way to have it all?

Part of the reason these things are difficult for us to achieve is that we never really define what our purpose is in life. We don’t really know ourselves, so we don’t really understand what makes us happy. And we don’t really want to do the hard work to get there.

There’s no magic formula to making all these things happen, but if you’re willing to open your mind and put in the time and effort, you can achieve nearly anything. Here are 16 life changing ways you can attain success, wealth and happiness and live your best life.

1. Envision the life you want.

Ask yourself, are you building your life in a way that will make you happy? And if you aren’t, why not? What is holding you back? It’s time to take responsibility for your life. Everything that you achieve or don’t achieve is a result of your attitudes, behaviors and habits. Think of what your ideal life would look like in detail.  Stop making excuses and start visualizing what you want.

2. Cut out what doesn’t matter.

Stop trying to do it all. Instead, start cutting out the things that don’t to you, the things that distract you and unnecessarily overwhelm you and suck your time. These are things are keeping you from achieving your goals.

Don’t allow your mind to become muddled with projects or to-dos that don’t really matter to you. Ask yourself, what are you worrying about? What makes you feel bad? What are you wasting time on? Cut the things that are damaging your body, brain or heart.

3. Focus on what’s important.

To be happy and successful in life, you first have to decide what you want and then go after it. Choose a handful of things that you value most and you want to be the focal point of your life.

What do you really care about? What commitments are most important to you? You need to develop a clear vision for what your big life goals are, what you’re hoping to achieve, and then focus on the things that will get you there.

4. Unleash your inner strength.

To truly realize your full potential, you must embrace all that you are — all your talents and skills, all our faults and shortcomings. You must unleash your inner strength. It’s time to take the blinders off and see what has been holding you back. You need to recognize your inner mettle.

You have more fortitude, courage and stamina that you realize. Realize you are capable of so much more. Stop letting fear into your decision making and be comfortable in your own skin.

5. Take action and build your confidence.

When it comes to achieving success and building wealth, confidence may be more closely related to your ability to prosper than anything else — even more so than competence. And one of the best ways to build your confidence is to take action.

Stop trying to be perfect, just keep moving forward. Even if you fail, you will eventually succeed if you just keep taking action. They key is to making adjustments and consistently take action. All that hard work creates self-confidence, which helps you maintain your momentum…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

9 rules to ensure your happiness really lasts

Enjoying moments of happiness and joy is not that hard.

Making sure your happiness lasts, however, is more challenging.

But you can create long-term, enduring happiness if you follow these 9 rules…

via Inc.com by Marcel Schwantes

Amazon lists over 50,000 books on the topic of “happiness” and you can watch 227 TED Talks on happiness. Yet happiness is in short supply in our hyper-connected tech world deprived of human relationships.

Norman Vincent Peale once said: “Happiness consists not in having, but of being, not of possessing, but of enjoying. It is the warm glow of a heart at peace with itself.”

Ah, yes, the heart, not just the mind. I’m sure Peale would, in part, attribute a “heart at peace” to being in harmony with people, especially those we work with since we spend the majority of our awake time with them, more than our own families.

When I’m at my most peaceful state — when my thoughts, words, and actions align with who I truly am — I’ve achieved optimum happiness. Sometimes it has more to do with me and regulating my own emotions so I don’t affect others in a bad way; other times it has to do with other people–how I respond to them and their actions when they’re not at their best.

To that end, I’ve learned to adapt these nine principles found in people who are generally at peace and in a state of happiness — the same habits commonly found in people of character who value the humanity of others.

1. Happy people avoid arrogance.

Research has found that people with arrogance (coined “hubristic pride” in the study) were found to be narcissistic; they also experienced more inter-personal conflicts and, ironically enough, were also prone to shame. People with a happiness advantage don’t trample over their colleagues to get what they want at the expense of relationships; they humbly acknowledge that they don’t have all the answers and will ask for feedback from trusted sources.

2. Happy people avoid gossip.

Happy people will walk away the moment they pick up gossipers on their radar; it’s in the gossiper’s DNA to dig up things about other people and spread rumors like a tumor. You’ll find that there’s an insecurity about gossipers that, if they aren’t talking bad behind someone’s back or devising some kind of scheme to get their way at someone else’s expense, they’re not being themselves. Happy people take the higher road by not associating with such people because it will save them in the long run.

3. Happy people gauge their emotions and that of others.

They do it this with self-awareness — a component of emotional intelligence — which helps them to tap into their own feelings but also the feelings of others to choose a different outcome, like a win-win scenario. Because they’re highly empathic, happy people are typically great listeners, self-reflective, and curious about the lives of others, according to research…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Happiness and success might be just 2 words away!

via the Ladders by Eric Barker

Seriously: Just two words.

Seems like this should be a very short post, right?

Here’s the quick and dirty:

• The word “yes” leads to happiness.
• The word “no” leads to success.

Here’s why.

For happiness say yes

“Yes” creates opportunity. Saying yes a lot makes more things happen.

And research shows that lots of little good things are the path to happiness. Spending money on many little pleasures beats rare big positives.

Via The Myths of Happiness: What Should Make You Happy, but Doesn’t, What Shouldn’t Make You Happy, but Does:

One researcher, for example, interviewed people of all income levels in the United Kingdom and found that those who frequently treated themselves to low-cost indulgences— picnics, extravagant cups of coffee, and treasured DVDs— were more satisfied with their lives. Other scientists have found that no-cost or low-cost activities can yield small boosts to happiness in the short term that cumulate, one step at a time, to produce a large impact on happiness in the long term.

Saying yes to activities and events keeps you busy — and studies show you’re happier when you’re busy.

The happiest people are those that are very busy but don’t feel rushed:

Who among us are the most happy? Newly published research suggests it is those fortunate folks who have little or no excess time, and yet seldom feel rushed.

So say yes to things and stay active — especially socializing, which makes us happier than almost anything else.

Having a better social life can be worth as much as an additional $131,232 a year in terms of life satisfaction.

And research shows that making more opportunities — saying yes — actually makes you luckier.

Hold on. I know what you’re thinking…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

How to connect with friends who’re depressed

Happy people tend to spend more time with other happy people.

That being said, happiness is NOT about ignoring or abandoning friends in need; or friends who’re struggling.

Rather, happiness is not just about feeling good but also doing good.

So if you have friends who’re down and depressed and if you want to do some good and connect better with them, here’s how…

via TED Ideas by Bill Bernat

When I lived with severe depression and social anxiety, I found it extremely difficult to talk to strangers. Yet the one conversation that uplifted me more than any other occurred in the dining hall of the mental health wing of a mountain-town hospital. I met a woman who told me that a few days earlier, she’d driven her Jeep Wrangler to the edge of the Grand Canyon. She sat there, revving the engine and thinking about driving over.

She described what had been going on in her life in the days and months leading up, what her thoughts were at that exact moment, why she wanted to die, and why she didn’t do it. We nodded and half-smiled, and then it was my turn to talk about my journey to our table in that fine dining establishment. I had taken too many sleeping pills. After the doctors treated me, they were like, “Hey, we’d love it if you would be our guest in the psych ward!”

That day, she and I talked shop. She allowed me to be deeply depressed andsimultaneously have a genuine connection to another person. For the first time, I identified as someone living with depression and I felt, oddly, good about it — or rather, like I wasn’t a bad person for having it.

Now, imagine one of the people at that table was a member of your family or a close friend who told you they were really depressed. Would you be comfortable talking to them?

Depression doesn’t diminish a person’s desire to connect with other people, just their ability…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Here’s how doing normal, day-to-day things differently can make you happier!

Beware of these 7 social media habits that can be bad for your mental health

Social media cops a lot of negativity. But there are many great things about social media; aspects that can enhance our connectedness, health and wellbeing. Even our happiness!

In fact, we can boost our happiness in many ways by using social media in the “right ways” such as connecting with friends, appreciating good times and sharing positivity, and learning about new and different people and places in the world.

That being said, there’s no doubt there can be a dark side to social media and in particular, it’s important to look out for these 7 troublesome behaviour patterns…

via the Ladders by KYLI RODRIGUEZ-CAYRO

There’s no denying that social media plays a pivotal role in most people’s lives nowadays. Whether casually scrolling through Instagram, receiving back-to-back notifications from Facebook groups or Twitter mentions, or chatting with friends on WhatsApp, social media is a constant for many people. While there are incalculable benefits — like staying connected to friends and family across the world, or increasing accessibility — experts say that certain social media habits could be having a a negative impact on your mental health and wellness, without you even realizing it.

Over the course of a lifetime, people spend an average of five years and four months on social media, according to a study from influencer marketing agency Mediakix. What’s more, the MIT Technology Review revealed this past January that research has shown the average person in the United States. spends 23.6 hours online — way up from 9.4 hours in 2000. That’s a lot of time on social media platforms — and if you’re not mindful of that time being spent, experts say it can mess with your sleep, your mood, and other factors that contribute to your overall mental wellness. Here are seven social media habits that may be hurting your mental health.

1. You Experience FOMO, Or A Fear Of Missing Out

FOMO, which stands for a “fear of missing out,” is a very real psychological fear that you’re being left out, and some experts says social media can make it worse. “The fear of not knowing what the last trend or challenge is, or not being social enough could end up affecting a person’s sense of worth,” therapist and founder of She is Strong and Mindful, Lorena Ramos, MA, LCSW, tells Bustle.

If you feel like you’re constantly refreshing your feed just so you can stay up-to-date with what everyone else is up to, it may be a sign you have a case of FOMO. Staying present in the moment, and setting aside time for “grounding” techniques could help tackle some of the negative feelings that you’re missing out.

2. You’re Following Accounts That Hurt Your Self-Esteem

Alanna Harvey, the Chief Marketing Officer and Co-Founder at Flipd, a digital wellness company, tells Bustle, “Following accounts of people who make you feel bad about yourself is not a good habit. For example, accounts of people who travel to luxurious places might make you wish you could afford traveling there too, or a body-builder might make you envious of their figure.” Instead, seek out accounts that don’t showcase people, but instead show ‘grammable food or travel destinations, says Harvey…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

If you ever feel like the “bad guys” are winning, read this…

by Dr Tim Sharp (aka Dr Happy)

Sometimes I find it best to ignore it…

…other times I know I have to face and cope with it!  

To what am referring?

The fact there are bad people who do bad things in this world! 

I know that won’t come as a shock or surprise to many of you. And to be honest, it’s not something that surprises me. I’m not a “naive” optimist. I certainly try to see the good but I also try to be realistic.

But although it doesn’t surprise me it does, at times, overwhelm me. When I hear about bullies and bigots, hatred and intolerance, inequality and violence, I can’t help but ask “why?”

I know we won’t all see eye to eye; but why can’t we all accept each other’s differences?

And because of the overly negative focus of most of our media outlets it often seems as though the bad guys are winning. But are they really?

Take a minute or two to reflect upon your world, the real world, and try to determine what’s really true. Then keep reading below for some tips about how us “good guys” can win! 

…So that’s today’s mailing. Take some time to reflect upon the message and how it might apply to you. Check out, also, the links below for some additional readings and resources.

I hope it helps you enjoy some more happiness. Until next time…

Keep well & keep smiling
Tim Sharp (aka Dr Happy)

Happiness … and the art of letting go

It’s oft been said that happiness is living in the present.

There’s definitely some truth in this; but happiness can also be in the past (recalling fond memories) and the future (looking forward to exciting events).

Happiness, therefore, can be wherever we want it to be; but happiness won’t be found in holding on to hurst and injuries.

So for more happiness via letting go of the painful past, keep reading…

via the Ladders by Gustavo Razzetti

“If you realize that all things change, there is nothing you will try to hold on to.” — Lao Tzu

Why can’t I just move on?

Everyone tells you: “let go.” It sounds so simple, right? Yet, you can’t stop holding on to the past. A grudge, a bad experience, or a betrayal — no matter how long ago they happened, sad memories stick with us forever.

Reliving a story is like being hurt twice or thrice — remembering your suffering creates more suffering. So why do we do it?

In some weird way, it’s fulfilling. We construct our heroified version of what happened. Those stories do more than fill the void — they’ve become part of who you are. Memories have adhered to your identity; you can’t remove them no matter how hard you try.

Let’s be honest: letting go is not easy. But you can train yourself to avoid sad memories from getting stuck. You need to develop a Teflon Mind.

Why we create (more) suffering

“It is mental slavery to cling to things that have stopped serving its purpose in your life.” — Chinonye J. Chidolue

You can’t change the past, so why continue to perpetuate it?

The more you try to understand what happened, the more harm you cause. Rehashing sad memories adds unnecessary suffering to your suffering.

You feel like a hamster in the wheel — no matter how hard you try, you can’t make any progress.

According to Professor Clifford Nass at Stanford University, “The brain handles positive and negative information in different hemispheres. Negative emotions generally involve more thinking, and the information is processed more thoroughly than positive ones. Thus, we tend to ruminate more about unpleasant events — and use stronger words to describe them — than happy ones.”

However, blaming everything on our brain could be an easy way out. We cannot change what happened, but we have control of the stories we tell ourselves about what happened…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

If you’re going to do one thing to be happier and more successful … make it this one!

via the Ladders by Eric Barker

Many of the fixes for our problems aren’t complex — something that’s clear in the things I recommend people do every day.

What’s a scientifically validated way to get smarter, happier, healthier and calmer?

Stop reading this right now and go for a walk.

It’s that simple.

Here’s why.

Exercise powers the body — and the mind

They used to say you don’t grow new brain cells. They were wrong.

Via Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain:

As an illustration of just how new this territory is, I’ll go back to the story of neurogenesis, the once-heretical theory that the brain grows new nerve cells throughout life. “Ten years ago people weren’t even convinced that it happened,” says neurologist Scott Small. It was at his Columbia University lab, in 2007, where they witnessed telltale signs of neurogenesis for the first time in live humans. “Five years ago people said, OK, it might happen, but is it really meaningful? Now there isn’t a week that goes by where there’s not another study that shows neurogenesis has some kind of effect on the brain.”

What really feeds those baby brain cells? Hitting the gym.

A 3 month exercise regimen increased bloodflow to the part of your brain focused on memory and learning by 30%.

Via Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain:

In his study, Small put a group of volunteers on a three-month exercise regimen and then took pictures of their brains. By manipulating a standard MRI machine’s processing— essentially zooming in and cocking the shutter open— he captured images of the newly formed capillaries required for nascent neurons to survive. What he saw was that the capillary volume in the memory area of the hippocampus increased by 30 percent, a truly remarkable change.

The dumb jock is a myth

Being in good shape increases your ability to learn. After exercise people pick up new vocabulary words 20% faster…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

If you’ve ever felt “broken”, here are 15 ways to reclaim your life!

Happiness is not always.

Happiness is not forever.

Even the best lives encounter obstacles and challenges.

Even the happiest people fail and flounder at times.

What we need to do when we face these difficulties is recover; and rebuild; and here’s how…

via Your Tango

Stop using the word “broken,” as a start.

Whether dealing with a breakup, a job loss, or one of the dozen other life situations that can bring your whole world to a halt, it’s important to remember that life is a series of ups and downs for all of us. Though it can feel isolating, the reality is that there isn’t one among us who hasn’t felt like we needed to get our proverbial sh*t together or that we were “losing it” at some point.

If you’re in this place now, take this as your sign to take deep breath, take control, and move forward. Not sure how to be confident after feeling like you’re falling apart? Here are 15 ways to start building self-esteem and put the pieces back together. We got you.

1. Stop using the word “broken,” as a start.

Your words matter, especially when speaking to yourself. Instead of viewing yourself as “broken” or “lost” or whatever negative, self-defeating word comes to mind, recognize that you’re strong enough to get out of a not-so-great place. It’s less about what you are than where you are, and that is an important distinction when looking to make real progress.

2. Make a list of the things you need to stop doing.

What good is a fantastic new habit if you’re still participating in one that negates it? Think about it for a moment: hitting the gym every morning and eating half a cake at night isn’t going to do much for your efforts. The same goes for everything else in your life.

Make a list of the things you do that stand in your own way and commit to replacing those knee-jerk habits with something else. Once you have a plan, you can then focus on what you need to start doing.

3. Stop hating on yourself.

Make a decision to be an observer in your life instead of judging everything so harshly. Instead of lamenting on the things you have done wrong, be grateful for a new perspective and the freedom in accountability, and start focusing on extracting the lessons and finding healthy ways to do better.

4. Change the conversation.

It’s tempting to sit and rehash the same stories over and over, but our words become our mantra, and saying how unhappy, broken or miserable you are will only reinforce your sense of helplessness. Try using more positive and powerful words, and you’ll find that you not only feel better, but the world will respond to you differently.

5. Surround yourself with warriors.

Misery might love company, but do you want to spend the rest of your life hanging out with people who only reinforce the idea that you’re a victim with no personal power? That answer should be no.

Surround yourself with people who have a “can-do” attitude toward adversity and you’ll likely not only feel motivated, but learn very practical ways to make adjustments in your own life…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

When it comes to living a happy life … less is often more!

The minimalist movement has gained increasing popularity in recent years; and it shares much in common with the happiness or positive psychology movement and science.

In short, accumulating more and more “stuff” typically doesn’t lead to more happiness; rather, simplifying and being grateful for what one has is far more likely to boost happiness and quality of life.

Read more from this TED Ideas article by Chelsea Catlett

Most of us have no problem admitting that we have more than we need. The difficulty lies in the next steps: How to get rid of it? What room to tackle first? Should we toss, regift, donate, recycle, repurpose, sell?

It’s enough to drive a person to lie down and wait until the impulse to tidy passes. This gentle advice from TED speakers will tell you how to look at the excess in your life, figure out what can go, and restore some order to your space.

Tip #1: Realize that more stuff does not equal more happiness.

Have you ever looked in your kitchen cabinets and wondered why you have so many mugs or cups, yet you use so few of them? Most of us acquire stuff because we think the more options we have, the more satisfied we’ll be. Turns out, we’re wrong. “There’s no question that some choice is better than none, but it doesn’t follow that more choice is better than some choice,” says Swarthmore College psychologist Barry Schwartz.

In fact, a surplus of choices can end up making us less happy. We may get paralyzed by the sheer proliferation (like deciding which of 100 yogurts to buy at the store), plagued by regret about what we didn’t choose — and then we blame ourselves when our choices disappoint.

In your life, think about the daily decisions that bog you down. Is it figuring out what gym clothes to pack? What necklace to wear? Which yogurt to bring to work? Pare down your options to the three or four you turn to most frequently, and give away the rest (or put them [except the yogurt!] in a box — see tip #5)…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

It might seem paradoxical, but embracing “negative emotions” is vital for happiness

Happiness is obviously desirable.

But realistically, happiness is not possible all the time.

In fact, research suggests that to really experience happiness we need to be comfortable with … unhappiness!

Read on for more…

via Forbes by Margie Warrell

“Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be,” wrote Abraham Lincoln.

Let’s face it, if happiness was as achievable as simply deciding to be happy, there’d be a whole lot more happy people. Yet not only is happiness not something we can “just choose,” when we put pressure on ourselves to feel happy, it can inadvertently set us on a war path with ourselves. Which is why, adopting a mindset that embraces the “not so happy” emotions we can rise up within us is essential to living a happier life.

But what is happiness anyway? As Daniel Gilbert wrote in Stumbling on Happiness, “There is no simple formula for happiness.”  Certainly it is not a goal to achieve. Rather it’s the bi-product of living a wholehearted life — a life in which we allow ourselves to risk feeling the full spectrum of human emotion — disappointment, heartache, rejection, sadness, inadequacy — and to embrace our struggles and to accept our ourselves as the fallible “human becomings” that we are. We can help ourselves along in that process by doing more of what expands our capacity for all the experiences and emotions that life holds in store. Here are a few ideas based on both my own “hard-won wisdom” and the research by a growing legion of academics dedicated to getting beneath the superficial answers to the “how of happiness.”

Embrace life’s unpleasant emotions

Tal Ben-Shahar, author of Being Happy and creator of the most popular class in the history of Harvard University, has spent years researching happiness. In a conversation about his research for my podcast, he began by pointing out that there are only two types of people who don’t experience painful emotions. The first: psychopaths. The second: people who’ve died. His point (besides the obvious benefit of not falling in either category) is that painful emotions are part and parcel of life and when we deny, dismiss, numb or try to distract ourselves from feeling them fully – something many are highly adept at doing – we only perpetuate our pain and create unnecessary suffering…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

For all the parents … how to raise emotionally intelligent kids

As most parents know, you’re only ever as happy as your unhappiest child!

But as most parents also know, we can’t expect our kids to be happy ALL the time.

Happiness is wonderful; but just as, if not more important, is the ability to understand and manage ALL emotions.

This is what we call “emotional intelligence” and the good news is it can be taught and learned…

via the Ladders by Eric Barker

Dealing with kids ain’t easy. They need an exhausting amount of attention and help.

From Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child:

Behavioral psychologists have observed that preschoolers typically demand that their caretakers deal with some kind of need or desire at an average rate of three times a minute.

Most advice on parenting focuses on how to deal with misbehavior. While helpful, this is also akin to only offering advice on how to survive after a nuclear holocaust and not talking about how to prevent one. What’s the secret to making sure your living room doesn’t resemble a scene from “Mad Max: Fury Road”?

What usually underlies bad behavior is how the child handles negative emotions. And this is something we rarely teach deliberately and almost never teach well. Showing kids how to recognize and deal with feelings prevents misbehavior — and it’s a skill that will serve them their entire lives. It prevents tantrums at age 4 but it’s also the difference between saving college money and saving bail money later on. Look at it as potty training for feelings.

But how do we do that?

Professor John Gottman is the guy who revolutionized the study of relationships, getting it to the point where he could listen to a couple for just a few minutes and determine with a frightening amount of accuracy whether or not they’d divorce. Well, luckily, Gottman also analyzed parenting. And this wasn’t the latest parenting theory-of-the-week that somebody came up with over lunch — this was a truly epic study of mind-bending proportions.

He took over 100 married couples with kids ages 4 or 5 and gave them questionnaires. Then conducted thousands of hours of interviews. He observed their behavior in his lab. Taped sessions of the kids playing with their best friends. Monitored heart rates, respiration, blood flow and sweating. Took urine samples — yeah, urine samples — from the kids to measure stress-related hormones. And then followed up with the children and families all the way through adolescence, conducting more interviews, evaluating academic performance and …

Okay, enough. You get it. The plans of Hollywood Bond Villains aren’t this thorough. And when it came to dealing with emotions, Gottman realized there are 4 types of parents. And three ain’t so hot:

• Dismissing parents: They disregard, ignore, or trivialize negative emotions.
• Disapproving parents. They’re critical of negative feelings and punish kids for emotional expression.
• Laissez-Faire parents: They accept their children’s emotions and empathize with them, but don’t offer guidance or set limits on behavior.

Children of these parents didn’t do as well over time. They misbehaved more, had trouble making friends or had self-esteem problems. One of them may be breaking into your car right now.

And then there were the Ultra-Parents. These mothers and fathers unknowingly used what Gottman calls “emotion-coaching.” And this produced emotionally intelligent kids. These parents accepted their children’s feelings (but not all of the children’s behavior), guided the kids through emotional moments, and helped them problem-solve their way to a solution that didn’t involve putting the neighbor’s kid in the emergency room. How did these tykes end up?

From Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child:

The children were better at soothing themselves when they were upset. They could calm down their hearts faster. Because of the superior performance in that part of their physiology that is involved in calming themselves, they had fewer infectious illnesses. They were better at focusing attention. They related better to other people, even in the tough social situations they encountered in middle childhood like getting teased, where being overly emotional is a liability, not an asset. They were better at understanding people. They had better friendships with other children. They were also better at situations in school that required academic performance. In short, they had developed a kind of “IQ” that is about people and the world of feelings, or emotional intelligence.

And it all came down to how the parents handled the child’s negative emotional outbursts. These parents did five things that the other types rarely did.

Alrighty, let’s get to it …

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Boost your happiness by regularly going on adventures!

From my weekly, free eNewsletter…

by Dr Tim Sharp (aka Dr Happy) 

There are so many things we can do to boost our happiness and enhance the quality of our lives…

…but sadly, many of us either don’t know about them, forget about them, or write them off as inappropriate or too difficult! 

One of the ones that falls in to the final category is … going on adventures!

Going on adventures increases our wellbeing and happiness in many ways including: 

• providing an escape from the routine and sometimes monotony of every day life
• increasing our empathy for those who’re different to us
• utilising parts of our thinking required for coping with new and different situations, parts of our cognition we often don’t use because we’re mostly in familiar surroundings
• relaxation and rejuvination
• excitement and stimulation
• potentially changing our lives by giving us opportunities to try completely new things
• and strengthening our relationships with loved ones by bringing you closer together and providing you with shared, positive experiences

Despite this, many people see adventures as too difficult, too expensive and/or too time consuming! 

And they can be; but they don’t have to be! 

Adventures can be overseas holidays; overseas trips to exotic locations. But adventures can also be trying a new cafe; visiting a new suburb in your city; doing something a tourist would do in your home town; and/or just hopping on a random train/bus/ferry and getting off somewhere you’ve never been.

You can have an adventure even just a few hundred metres from your home or work! 

…So that’s today’s mailing. Take some time to reflect upon the message and how it might apply to you. Check out, also, the links below for some additional readings and resources.

I hope it helps you enjoy some more happiness. Until next time…

Keep well & keep smiling
Tim Sharp (aka Dr Happy)

This ONE ingredient could increase your success AND happiness!

via Forbes by William Arruda

When you think of enhancing your success at work, you might instantly focus on enrolling in a new professional development course or learning a new skill – or perhaps you’ll hunt for a time management app that will help you increase your productivity. But there is one often overlooked but wildly valuable action you should take. You need to find best friends at work. It’s friends with benefits (FWBs), but not those kinds of benefits. To amp up your success and happiness at work, don’t seek FWBs, focus on BWFs.

According to an article in Time by Eric Barker titled “The Way to Happiness: Remember the Four Ps,” 70% of happiness is linked to your relationships with other people.“People” is one of his four Ps, and this principle isn’t limited the people in your personal life.

In addition to making you happier, having a BWF will also increase your engagement at work. A Gallup survey found that having a best friend at work is one of twelve factors that are predictors of workplace engagement and success.For example, women who strongly agreed they have a best work friend were more than twice as likely to be engaged (63%) compared with the women who did not agree with the statement (29%).

In addition, professionals with BWFs were 43% more likely to report having received praise and recognition for their work in the previous week. And those with a BWF acknowledged that they felt recognized for their progress, their opinions mattered at work, and they had the opportunity to do what they do best every day…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Tired of putting things off until “tomorrow”? 5 ways to beat the procrastination trap!

Happiness is now.

Happiness is achieving meaningful goals.

However you define it, happiness will be harder to enjoy if you’re constantly putting off those things which are important.

Does this sound like you? Keep reading for some solutions…

via the Ladders by Benjamin P Hardy

You’ve probably heard something similar to the following phrase:

It’s better to spend 5 minutes per day learning a new language than 5 hours once per month.

It’s better to do anything daily than sporadically. If you do something daily, your chances of mastering it are very high.

The challenge (and the hidden benefit) is that there are only 24 hours in a single day. This 24-hour constraint will force you to decide what really matters to you.

What are you serious about?

What are you working on?

When it comes to your own goals or dreams:

• Are you like the person who studies a new language 5–10 minutes per day?
• Or are you like the person who “studies” a new language for an hour or two here and there?

If you’re like most people, you’re the latter. And if you’re like most people, that means you’re not making very much progress.

Life is extremely busy. It can be tough strategically fitting other things into your daily schedule when you have a job, family, and other responsibilities. However, if you don’t fit your big dreams into your daily schedule, you probably won’t achieve them. Or in the least, you won’t achieve them in a timely fashion.

This article is not for people who are fine achieving big things once or twice in their lifetimes. Instead, this article is for people who want to achieve several big things every single year.

If you learn to prioritize your life and your time, then you can do several big things on an annual basis. When you develop consistency, you also develop momentum. With momentum comes confidence and increased motivation. With confidence and increased motivation comes inspiration and bold ideas. If you’re not consistent, then you’re missing out on all of the psychological benefits that ripple into a life of success.

Your daily routine is the clearest indicator of where you’re going.

The trap of believing you need big chunks of time

When it comes to big goals or projects — such as starting a business, writing a book, cleaning the garage, etc. — it’s easy falling into the trap of only working on it when you have a 3+ hour chunk of time.

I myself fell into this trap. I’m nearing the completion of my PhD in Organizational Psychology and only have my dissertation to complete. But a dissertation is a really big, complex, and challenging project. It felt so big that I didn’t feel I could work on it for just 10–20 minutes at a time. I felt like it took an hour just to “get into” it.

That premise resulted in me regularly going weeks (sometimes months!) without touching it. It’s taken far longer than it has needed to complete. I have learned from sad experience the truth of Meredith Willson’s words, “You pile up enough tomorrows, and you’ll find you are left with nothing but a lot of empty yesterdays.”

Once I made working on my dissertation a part of my daily schedule, and worked on it like I was learning a new language — just 15–30 minutes per day — I started making huge progress. I began caring about it more. I got more motivated and excited to do well. I went from push motivation, where it took willpower to work on it, to pull motivation, where I intrinsically wanted to do it. I began finding more pockets of time to squeeze it in.

Here’s the 5-step process and how it works:

• Establish clear priorities of what you truly want to do (it must fit into your daily schedule, or it’s probably not a huge priority)
• Design your daily routine to ensure you get it done optimally
• Use the Pomodoro Technique — where you work for a set period of time without any distractions
• Report your progress immediately after you’ve completed your session
• Have a weekly reflection where you assess your progress and make future plans

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Want to be happy? Find the things that bring you joy!

via Inc.com by Rhett Power

So what should you be spending your time on anyway? This is an extremely important question for all of us. But we often ignore it because we are so used to living life a certain way. We have gotten into a rut and we don’t really care to make the effort to change anything. But by not caring, we are missing out on the best that life has for us. Sometimes, in the middle of all our business, it is hard to find the truly worthwhile activities. But by asking a few thoughtful questions, it is possible to find out which things really give us joy. Here are five questions to help you get started.

1. What activities can you see yourself doing in ten years? The really worthwhile activities are the ones that will last. Of all your activities, which ones do you want to continue for decades? Which ones can you do now and later in life? Which ones will hold your attention for years on end. These are the ones that you want to invest the most in.

2. What activities take you out of your comfort zone? Believe it or not, activities that stretch us will bring us joy. If we are always comfortable and at ease, we will eventually get bored with life. Activities that are constantly helping us learn and grow are the ones that will make us fulfilled. So you want to spend your time on activities that give you a little thrill – even a little scare sometimes…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

6 Questions to Help You Simplify and Focus on What Truly Matters This Fall

“Don’t be fooled by the calendar. There are only as many days in the year as you make use of. One man gets only a week’s value out of a year while another man gets a full year’s value out of a week.”
Charles Richards

There are many important things in life.

Your family and friends. A hobby perhaps. Working out and staying healthy. The most important relationship in your life. And reading, learning and growing as a person.

But finding the time for what is most important in life is not always easy. It sometimes feels like there aren’t enough hours in the day.

But even if it may not feel like it, there are often ways to improve how you use your attention and your time. This week I’d like to share 6 of the best questions I have found for doing just that and for shaking yourself out of a rut.

1. What are the top 3 most important priorities in my life right now?

With a lack of focus on what is most important in your life it becomes easy to spend too much time and energy on aimless actions or work. On things that aren’t really that important but you do out of old habit or because of other unhelpful reasons.

To keep your attention in the right place it is essential to remind yourself every day of what is truly most important to you.

So ask yourself: what are the top 3 most important priorities in my life right now?

Write those three things down on two notes and put one in your workspace and the other one on your bedside table.

2. What are the 1-3 most common distractions that keep me from doing my work in a focused way?

Figure out how you can prevent those things from distracting you. It could be by:

• Shutting the door to your office.
• Putting your phone in silent mode.
• Having notifications for your email or instant messaging program/app shut off.

3. What are the 1-3 most common distractions that keep me from having quality time with the people closest to me?

The answer could for instance be your smart phone, TV-shows you just watch out of routine and not because you like them very much or bringing your work back home.

Then figure out how you can reduce or eliminate those distractions.

4. What is one healthy limit I can start setting in my life this week?

One of the smarter ways to simplify your life and to free up time is to set limits.

Here are a few key areas that you can set powerful and healthy limits for:

• Your daily input. Reduce the number of blogs, newsletters, magazines, book clubs, podcasts, TV-shows etc. you follow. Just keep the ones you are really getting something out of.
• Email. Just check and process your email during one chunk of time once per day. Instead of checking it 10 times or more each day.
• Social activities. Write down a list of the social activities you are involved in after school or work. Maybe you are involved in a club or an activity that it is not as fun or rewarding as it used to be. Maybe you want to rearrange your priorities a bit to focus on something else this fall.

5. How can I minimize or eliminate one thing I may have missed?

What else can you eliminate or minimize besides the things listed above? Some meetings at work or in school? Redditing or some online forum you hang out on a lot?

Really question and reconsider your own daily and weekly habits regularly instead of moving along in the same old tracks just because it is what you usually do.

6. What is one piece of unnoticed or misused piece of free time during my regular day?

There is often quite a bit of open travel- or waiting-time during a year.

What will you use such time for as we go into the fall this year?

Perhaps you would like to read more while riding the train or while waiting for a meeting to start. I, for example, often listen to podcasts while I’m out and about or while waiting for a meeting.

Even if you only have 10-20 minutes of commuting time each day you still have a many, many hours in a year that you may want to, at least partly, use in a new way.

15 ways to repair yourself if you’ve been broken

Being broken need not preclude happiness.

In fact happiness is not a life without breaks and fractures; rather, happiness is a life that finds beauty and strength within the cracks and failures.

Wabi sabi is a Japanese philosophy built on exactly this; finding happiness and wonder within that which appears imperfect. And given we’re all imperfect, accepting and rebuilding on top of these shortcomings can create more happiness than many of us thought possible …

via PopSugar by Brenda Della Casa

Stop using the word “broken,” as a start.

Whether dealing with a breakup, a job loss, or one of the dozen other life situations that can bring your whole world to a halt, it’s important to remember that life is a series of ups and downs for all of us. Though it can feel isolating, the reality is that there isn’t one among us who hasn’t felt like we needed to get our proverbial sh*t together or that we were “losing it” at some point.

If you’re in this place now, take this as your sign to take deep breath, take control, and move forward. Not sure how to be confident after feeling like you’re falling apart? Here are 15 ways to start building self-esteem and put the pieces back together. We got you.

1. Stop using the word “broken,” as a start.

Your words matter, especially when speaking to yourself. Instead of viewing yourself as “broken” or “lost” or whatever negative, self-defeating word comes to mind, recognize that you’re strong enough to get out of a not-so-great place. It’s less about what you are than where you are, and that is an important distinction when looking to make real progress.

2. Make a list of the things you need to stop doing.

What good is a fantastic new habit if you’re still participating in one that negates it? Think about it for a moment: hitting the gym every morning and eating half a cake at night isn’t going to do much for your efforts. The same goes for everything else in your life.

Make a list of the things you do that stand in your own way and commit to replacing those knee-jerk habits with something else. Once you have a plan, you can then focus on what you need to start doing.

3. Stop hating on yourself.

Make a decision to be an observer in your life instead of judging everything so harshly. Instead of lamenting on the things you have done wrong, be grateful for a new perspective and the freedom in accountability, and start focusing on extracting the lessons and finding healthy ways to do better.

4. Change the conversation.

It’s tempting to sit and rehash the same stories over and over, but our words become our mantra, and saying how unhappy, broken or miserable you are will only reinforce your sense of helplessness. Try using more positive and powerful words, and you’ll find that you not only feel better, but the world will respond to you differently.

5. Surround yourself with warriors.

Misery might love company, but do you want to spend the rest of your life hanging out with people who only reinforce the idea that you’re a victim with no personal power? That answer should be no.

Surround yourself with people who have a “can-do” attitude toward adversity and you’ll likely not only feel motivated, but learn very practical ways to make adjustments in your own life…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

9 inspirational quotes that changed the lives of 9 highly successful people

Happiness is more complex than a simple quote might have us believe.

Happiness usually takes more than one line or a positive affirmation.

But the impetus we need to take positive action for happiness might will start with an inspirational saying; and here are some absolute crackers…

via Time.com 

Inspirational quotes can be more than slogans on a Hallmark card. For high performers, they can be spiritual mantras, rallying cries, or guiding beacons. Leading entrepreneurs and advisors from The Oracles share the time-tested truisms that changed their lives.

1. “Success is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.”

Dean Graziosi

Courtesy of The Oracles

This quote speaks to the one trait all successful entrepreneurs share: the ability to pivot when things go wrong. High achievers don’t break their stride, even when failure is staring them right in the face; instead, they realize their setback only brings them one step closer to accomplishing their ultimate goal. All my best successes have come on the back of my greatest failures. —Dean Graziosi, multiple NYT-bestselling author, 16 years daily on TV, and one of the most watched real estate and success trainers of our generation; follow Dean on Facebook, YouTube, or Instagram

2. “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”

Barbara Corcoran

Courtesy of The Oracles

When I read this Nelson Mandela quote many years ago, I’d spent too much energy resenting someone who’d rewarded my many years of generosity with betrayal. It was constantly on my mind, and I had a hard time getting over it. Then, I figured if Mandela could spend 27 years in prison and not hate his enemies, I could do the same. —Barbara Corcoran, founder of The Corcoran Group, podcast host of Business Unusual, and Sharkon “Shark Tank”

3. “Success is failure turned inside out.”

Dottie Herman

Courtesy of The Oracles

I keep this anonymous quote framed on the wall in my office. It’s a daily reminder to embrace failure instead of fearing it. Success is the inverse of failure, not the lack of it. You succeed when you take on an obstacle, and you flip it. First, you have to embrace the obstacle, though.

Sadly, most people are plain afraid to fail, so they never leave their comfort zones or attempt something challenging. Other people get so stuck in their past mistakes that they can’t learn from them.

Failure is a tremendous teacher. It encourages better thinking and forces you to look back and ask, “What went wrong?” It also shapes you as a person; it makes you resilient. It educates you in ways success simply can’t.—Dottie Herman, CEO of Douglas Elliman, a real estate brokerage empire with more than $27 billion in annual sales

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Ever feel like an imposter? Here’s the answer…

Imposter syndrome is the phrase given to that feeling we’ve all had; where you believe you don’t really belong and that you’re not really as capable as others think.

Not surprisingly, if this is how you’re feeling you’re less likely to enjoy happiness!

But there is an answer that will bring more happiness and more confidence. Learning to accept yourself more is possible, and it will make you happier.

If that sounds of interest to you then keep reading …

via Inc.com by Leah Weiss

I can remember the first day I taught at Stanford. I looked out into a sea of eager future MBA faces and thought, “how will I ever connect with these students?” It was a mixed bag of insecurity and feeling like an imposter– was I really standing at the front of one of the best business schools in the world talking to students that would eventually be responsible for shaping future workplace environments?

This feeling is known as imposter syndrome and recent research published in the Journal of Personality and Individual Differences notes that 70 percent of Americans have felt this way and this is an essential bit of information. Recognizing that there are others around you going through the same thing is the crux of self-compassion and one of the best ways to combat imposter syndrome.

Self-compassion involves recalibrating your internal voice from one that might be nagging or critical to one that is forgiving and understanding. It is also a great reminder that everyone messes up at some point, and failure isn’t the worst thing that can happen. Strengthening self-compassion can reduce the fear of failure and derail self-doubt.

A recent study published in the journal Frontiers in Psychology found that students with high rates of imposter syndrome had equally low rates of self-compassion. Vice versa, students with high levels of self-compassion had lower incidences of imposter syndrome. The study concluded that developing self-compassion is a useful and effective tool in building resilience to feeling like an imposter.

Psychologists speculate that the feeling of inadequacy stems from extreme pressures by the world around you or by yourself. If you happen to have a loud and judgemental internal voice, you may experience this feeling more than those around you. Or, if you are expected to perform at a very high level, you may begin to feel like you’re not good enough or you don’t deserve to be where you are.

This feeling can multiply and become more intense when you are promoted or given larger responsibilities. Using self-compassion techniques, the following steps can help to eliminate that feeling of self-doubt…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Here’s how to connect with friends who’re depressed

Sadly, happiness is not something some people experience much of.

In fact, happiness is not something any of us experience all the time.

But there are some for whom unhappiness can become overwhelming; for whom depression and hopelessness become the norm.

They can, however, be helped; you can help them. There might not be a magic fix to make them happy but there are certainly things we can all do to connect and to listen and to be with them; and that, surely, is a thing worth doing…

via TED Ideas by Bill Bernat

When I lived with severe depression and social anxiety, I found it extremely difficult to talk to strangers. Yet the one conversation that uplifted me more than any other occurred in the dining hall of the mental health wing of a mountain-town hospital. I met a woman who told me that a few days earlier, she’d driven her Jeep Wrangler to the edge of the Grand Canyon. She sat there, revving the engine and thinking about driving over.

She described what had been going on in her life in the days and months leading up, what her thoughts were at that exact moment, why she wanted to die, and why she didn’t do it. We nodded and half-smiled, and then it was my turn to talk about my journey to our table in that fine dining establishment. I had taken too many sleeping pills. After the doctors treated me, they were like, “Hey, we’d love it if you would be our guest in the psych ward!”

That day, she and I talked shop. She allowed me to be deeply depressed andsimultaneously have a genuine connection to another person. For the first time, I identified as someone living with depression and I felt, oddly, good about it — or rather, like I wasn’t a bad person for having it.

Now, imagine one of the people at that table was a member of your family or a close friend who told you they were really depressed. Would you be comfortable talking to them?

Depression doesn’t diminish a person’s desire to connect with other people, just their ability.

The World Health Organization says that depression is the leading cause of ill health and disability worldwide, affecting more than 300 million people. In the United States, the National Institute of Mental Health reports 7 percent of Americans experience depression in a year. But while depression is super common, in my experience most folks don’t want to talk to depressed people unless we pretend to be happy. So we learn to put on a cheerful façade for casual interactions, like buying a pumpkin spice latte. The average barista doesn’t want to know that a customer is trapped in the infinite darkness of their soul.

Depression doesn’t diminish a person’s desire to connect with other people, just their ability…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

You can still enjoy the happiness of nature even if you live in the city; here are 7 ways!

Research has found a strong link between time spent in nature and happiness.

Happiness can come from bushwalking, exercising outside, or just spending time in the sun relaxing.

But for many who live in large cities, this form of happiness can seem hard to access; but it’s nowhere near impossible! So if you’re short on ideas, here are some suggestions to consider…

via Forbes by Joni Sweet

The concept of nature therapy has a certain heaviness to it. Sure, getting outside feels good, but most of us don’t have the time or money to go forest bathing on the reg or take multi-day mindfulness treks in the mountains.

And let’s get real: In our increasingly screen-driven, urban lives, we’re lucky if we even see a tree every day, let alone have the opportunity for a full-blown mindfulness experience in the “Great Outdoors.” Should we write off nature therapy as one of those “I wish” sort of practices?

Not according to Micah Mortali, director of the School of Mindful Outdoor Leadership at the Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health. The benefits of nature therapy are just too compelling to ignore, he said.

Studies have shown that exercising outdoors can improve your mood and self-esteem, living near urban green spaces is associated with better mental health and spending time in forests positively stimulates the immune system.

So how can you reap the benefits of nature therapy when you live in a concrete jungle? Shift your thinking: It’s not about planning an epic trip to the world’s most beautiful natural settings—it’s just about getting outside, wherever you are. A park, a garden or even a single tree can deliver a heavy dose of nature therapy into your life, as long as you bring a sense of purpose to the experience.  Here’s how to practice mindfulness outdoors, wherever you are.

Eat lunch near a fountain

Still eating lunch at your desk? It’s time to switch things up. Mortali recommends swinging by a fountain near your office to enjoy a little nature therapy during the workday.

“Fountains have that element of water, and they’re incredibly powerful for meditation,” he said. “Treat a fountain like you would a stream or ocean, and sit near it and listen to the language of the water. Slow your breathing and bring awareness to the sound of the water for five or 10 minutes. Water has a very powerful way of quieting the monkey mind.”

Get fascinated by nature

If you want your health to benefit from nature, it’s not enough to just take a quick glance at something green. You have to truly observe nature and find something fascinating about it to improve your focus and productivity, said Mortali.

“Utilizing fascination attention is when you are simply looking at something and are fascinated by it. It’s not about trying to focus on something simply because it’s beautiful—you have to get fascinated,” he said. “Gazing out at trees outside your window as the wind is blowing through, or water that’s moving in an ocean or lake is easy on the eyes. Just a few minutes of that kind of attention is very restorative.”

…keep reading the full & original article HERE