How to Overcome Nervousness: 7 Simple Habits

“Do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.”
Benjamin Franklin

“If I don’t train enough, of course I’m nervous.“
Haile Gebrselassie

It starts with just a little tremble within. Then a pressure builds up.

A hand or foot starts to fidget. Your palms become moist and you start to feel not quite like yourself anymore. The inner calmness you felt has flown out the window.

Nervousness is back, like an old friend you didn’t want to see.

Just in time for that date you had been looking forward to for the past week. Or the important meeting at work or your presentation in school.

So what can you do at this point?

Back down, come up with a poor excuse and cancel (as your self-esteem plummets)? Plow through the meeting or date while being not quite your best self?

It is certainly possible. I have done both.

But an even better approach has in my experience been to find strategies and develop habits that help me to handle this challenge.

Here are 7 of my favorite habits for dealing with and overcoming nervousness.

1. Prepare if possible.

A bit obvious. But doing your preparation in time and not at the last minute and doing the preparation well – without trying to do it perfectly – rather than somewhat sloppily make a big difference.

You’ll feel more sure of yourself and relaxed about what you are about to do.

• If you have an important meeting, do your homework so you know what will or may come up in the meeting.
• If you have a date, perhaps try to think of 2-3 interesting topics/questions to bring up in case the conversational flow hits a stop.
• If you have a job interview, think about what they may ask you and figure out some good answers.

2. Ask yourself: what is the worst that could realistically happen?

This question has helped me many times to calm down and to stop building a mountain out of a molehill.

Because the worst that happened when I was dating was that I had a somewhat awkward date with someone I did not have a good chemistry with. It didn’t lead a second date and sometimes I felt bad for day or two. And that was pretty much it.

But the sky didn’t fall because it is was a bad date. I got up the next morning again and had often learned something good from it.

3. Visualize in a positive way.

It is so easy to get stuck in the usual and habitual negative visualizations in your mind of how a situation will go. And so you get nervous.

Try taking a break from it the next time you are having an upcoming date, party or meeting.

Just this once allow yourself to see things in a positive way.

Here’s how to do it:

• Lie down in your bed or sit down somewhere where it is comfortable. Close your eyes.
• In your mind see how great the situation will unfold – see and hear it – and also how great will you feel at this meeting. See yourself being positive, open and having a wonderful time with a smile on your face. And see the excellent outcome you want in your mind.
• Then release by visualizing that it has already happened, that the meeting is over with the desired result. This is surprisingly effective and will get you into a good, confident and relaxed headspace before even stepping into that conference room, class room or pub.

Try it and see how this exercise works for you. Maybe it becomes something you want keep doing.

4. Slow down and breathe with your belly.

A few minutes before you step into the situation that makes you nervous slow down. Walk slower to the meeting place. Move slower. Even stop for a minute if you like and stand still.

Then breathe through your nose. Take a little deeper breaths than you usually do. Make sure you breathe with your belly. Not with your chest (a common problem when people get stressed or nervous).

Focus on just your slow in- and out-breaths for a minute or two. Only on the air going in and out of your nose.

This will calm you down, make it easier to think normally again and that singular focus can draw you back into this moment again rather than past failures or future worries.

5. Assume rapport in social situations.

After you have slowed down and focused on your breathing I have another good habit if you still feel a bit nervous and you are going into some kind of social situation. This one worked especially well for me when I was single and was dating. And it is also very useful just before any other kind of meeting.

The habit is to assume rapport.

This means that just before you met someone you pretend and think to yourself that you are meeting one of your best friends.

Then you’ll naturally slip into a much more relaxed, comfortable, confident and enjoyable emotional state and frame of mind. In this state of mind the conversation tends to flow more naturally too, without much thinking. Just like with your friends.

This is one of the very best and helpful social habits I have adopted in the past 10 years or so.

6. Remember: people don’t think about you and what you do that much really.

You may feel like everyone is watching, judging and thinking about you a whole lot. And so you get nervous or hold yourself back in life.

But a sobering realization I have had over the years is that people simply don’t care that much about what you do.

Just because you may think a lot about what you do and say doesn’t mean that others do that too. They have their own plate full with doing the same thing as you: focusing on themselves, on their pets and kids and on their own challenges at this moment in time.

This realization may make you feel a little less important. But it also sets you free a bit more to do what you want to do in life.

7. Tell yourself that you are excited.

Harness the nervous energy into something that will help you.

If you cannot minimize the nervousness in some situations by using the tips above then take a different approach.

When the nervousness bubbles up, tell yourself that you are excited about the meeting, presentation etc. This helps you to change perspective on what is happening inside of you and I have found that it helps me to get a boost of enthusiasm and openness for a short while.

So I can go into that meeting with that more helpful mindset and emotional state. And a few minutes into the meeting the excited energy has usually been used in a helpful way and I go back to feeling more relaxed and centered again.

A fun life + a meaningful life = a happy life!

Happiness involves fun.

But real happiness also involves meaning and purpose.

The good news for those of us seeking to create more happiness is that we can have both…

via Eric Barker

Sometimes we all feel anxious. Sometimes lonely or disconnected. Sometimes unhappy, and maybe even a little crazy. You know what might fix all of this?

Would you believe me if I said… a war?

From Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging:

The positive effects of war on mental health were first noticed by the great sociologist Emile Durkheim, who found that when European countries went to war, suicide rates dropped. Psychiatric wards in Paris were strangely empty during both world wars, and that remained true even as the German army rolled into the city in 1940. Researchers documented a similar phenomenon during civil wars in Spain, Algeria, Lebanon, and Northern Ireland. An Irish psychologist named H. A. Lyons found that suicide rates in Belfast dropped 50 percent during the riots of 1969 and 1970, and homicide and other violent crimes also went down. Depression rates for both men and women declined abruptly during that period, with men experiencing the most extreme drop in the most violent districts. County Derry, on the other hand—which suffered almost no violence at all—saw male depression rates rise rather than fall.

Hold on a second before you send me that angry email. I’m not really suggesting war as a solution to any of our emotional ills. God forbid.

But, that said: what the heck is going on here? Wars are supposed to be bad, right?

Why are people feeling less depressed, less crazy, less violent and less suicidal when something we can all agree is horrible and life threatening is happening around them?

Because war and natural disasters force people to unite together. To help others. To act as a community.

From Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging:

“When people are actively engaged in a cause their lives have more purpose… with a resulting improvement in mental health,” Lyons wrote in the Journal of Psychosomatic Research in 1979. “It would be irresponsible to suggest violence as a means of improving mental health, but the Belfast findings suggest that people will feel better psychologically if they have more involvement with their community.”

We need a community to feel good. And community is something we sorely lack in the modern world. Sadly, we often only feel it these days when forced to.

From Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging:

Modern society has perfected the art of making people not feel necessary.

Many of us live alone. We’re often surrounded by strangers rather than family or friends. We communicate by text rather than face to face. We hire a service instead of getting the help of a buddy.

These are new developments in the existence of Homo Sapiens. And while efficient and effective, they don’t contribute to the feeling of community we all need to feel whole. So it’s no surprise that empathy is dropping:

A recent study at the University of Michigan revealed a dramatic decline in empathy levels among young Americans between 1980 and today, with the steepest drop being in the last ten years. The shift, say researchers, is in part due to more people living alone and spending less time engaged in social and community activities that nurture empathic sensitivity.

And when you feel like you don’t belong to a group, health and self-control plummet. If that doesn’t register with you maybe that’s because when you feel disconnected, your IQ drops too:

When people’s sense of social connectedness is threatened, their ability to self-regulate suffers; for instance their IQ performance drops (Baumeister, Twenge, & Nuss, 2002). Feeling lonely predicts early death as much as major health risk behaviors like smoking (Cacioppo & Patrick, 2008).

I know what some people are thinking: But I have friends. Got a bunch of ’em, actually.

That ain’t the issue, Bubba. We’re talking about a community. A group. A band of brothers. A syndicate of sisters. Your fantasy football league. Your sewing circle. Your drug cartel.

But they’re all relationships, right? Maybe the difference isn’t clear. So what’s the difference?

Well, I’m so glad you asked…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Do you hate meditation? No worries. Here are 5 proven relaxation strategies to try!

We all know that meditation has many powerful benefits; it’s associated with more happiness, better health, and even greater work performance.

But meditation doesn’t make everyone happier; because meditation isn’t liked by everyone.

But don’t worry, you can still enjoy happiness and health and wellbeing and more – if you just try these different relaxation techniques…

via Forbes.com by Noma Nazish

Raise your hand if you are feeling overwhelmed by stress right now. Now, raise your hand if you want to make that stress go away without jumping on the meditation bandwagon. I mean, sure, practicing meditation is a great way to calm your mind. In fact, multiple studies have shown that meditation also helps improve sleep, promotes focus, sharpens memory and beefs up your immune system. However, despite a deluge of studies demonstrating the benefits of this age-old practice, meditation isn’t everyone’s cup of tea.

Here are five alternative scientifically-proven methods you can try to calm your mind:

• Coloring: Picking up crayons is as beneficial for adults as it is for preschoolers. Studies suggest that coloring has numerous mental health benefits, from relieving stress and promoting concentration to reducing anxiety. Just like meditation, coloring helps you relax and tune out negative thoughts by focusing on the activity at hand. The repetitive motion of coloring relaxes the amygdala (the almond-shaped fear center of the brain) and engages parts of the cerebral cortex that stimulate creativity and logic…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Happiness can be easy-ish: with these 4 steps

via the New York Times by Tim Herrera

Are you happy?

It’s a question we might ask ourselves here and there when something great (or awful) happens to us. But think about it in a general sense: When was the last time you evaluated your overall happiness and satisfaction with life?

There are so many factors to consider when answering that question that it can feel overwhelming or, even worse, become yet another stressor weighing on your happiness. But it’s a topic that’s ripe for introspection, so we’ve put together the official New York Times guide on how to be happy. In it you’ll find guidance ranging from tips for conquering negative thinking to assessing the effect of marriage on your happiness.

But today we’re going to focus on the four things you can do right now(ish) to improve your happiness. Because you deserve it, friends.

Conquer your negative thinking

Humans have evolved to focus on the negative. If we overlearn a bad situation, we’re more inclined to avoid those situations in the future or react more quickly, writes Tara Parker-Pope in our happiness guide.

But, as we all know, that isn’t always helpful in a modern world. When something bad happens, we tend to overanalyze and have trouble getting our mind off it.

The trick to avoiding those spirals and rabbit holes of misery is to acknowledge and challenge our negative thoughts. Rather than try to bury them, we should own those thoughts and ask ourselves a few questions, like, “What is the evidence for this thought?” or “Am I basing this on facts or on feelings?” A little self-investigation can help us get over the thoughts that just won’t leave our heads otherwise…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

How to make a difference in someone else’s life

As any student of happiness and/or Positive Psychology would know…other people matter.

Because happiness isn’t just about “me”; it’s about you!

So to be happy we need to focus on more than just feeling good; we need to also do good.

And this great article focuses on how to make a difference in the lives of others…

via Inc.com by Jeff Haden

Want to make a huge difference in another person’s life? Make them feel like they belong.

Plenty of people don’t feel like they belong. Take employees. No matter how welcoming and new employee friendly the company, recently hired employees may feel they’re constantly being weighed… and measured… and found wanting. On the flip side, over half of CEOs report feeling lonely in their roles.

So maybe it’s the guy in accounting who always eats lunch alone. Or maybe it’s the lady in shipping who always stands at the edge of a group. Or maybe it’s the guy who never speaks up in a meeting — even though you can tell he has plenty to offer.

Spotting people in professional settings who feel hesitant and out of place is easy.

But it doesn’t have to be a person at work; people who don’t feel like they belong are everywhere. Take the gym. Unless you’re this guy or this gal, if you’re new to working out, you probably feel just a bit insecure. And self conscious. And like you don’t belong — and wish you were anywhere else…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

When life gets hard, try these 8 tips…

Wouldn’t it be nice to be happy all the time?

But we all know that happiness and life don’t work like that.

And that’s OK; happiness, like other things in life, will always be tempered by unhappiness and life will always include hardship.

Our goal should NOT be to try to eliminate or avoid such difficulties but rather, to manage them. So for more happiness and success in life, try these 8 steps when next you’re facing adversity…

via The Ladders by Eric Barker

“Stick with it!”

“Be resilient!”

“Never give up!”

I see a lot of stuff about resilience, persistence and grit. What I don’t see is a lot of legitimate info on how to actually increase those qualities.

How can we be more resilient? How can we shrug off huge challenges in life, persist and — in the end — succeed?

So I looked at the most difficult scenarios for insight. (Who needs resilience in easy situations, right?)

When life and death is on the line, what do the winners do that the losers don’t?

Turns out surviving the most dangerous situations has some good lessons we can use to learn how to be resilient in everyday life.

Whether it’s dealing with unemployment, a difficult job, or personal tragedies, here are insights that can help.

1) Perceive And believe

“The company already had two rounds of layoffs this year but I never thought they would let me go.”

“Yeah, the argument was getting a little heated but I didn’t think he was going to hit me.”

The first thing to do when facing difficulty is to make sure you recognize it as soon as possible.

Sounds obvious but we’ve all been in denial at one point or another. What do people who survive life-threatening situations have in common?

They move through those “stages of grief” from denial to acceptance faster:

Via Deep Survival: Who Lives, Who Dies, and Why:

They immediately begin to recognize, acknowledge, and even accept the reality of their situation… They move through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance very rapidly.

What’s that thing doctors say when they’re able to successfully treat a medical problem? “Good thing we caught it early.”

When you stay oblivious or live in denial, things get worse — often in a hurry. When you know you’re in trouble you can act.

Nobody is saying paranoia is good but research shows a little worrying is correlated with living a longer life.

(For more on how a little negativity can make you happier, click here.)

Okay, like they say in AA, you admitted you have a problem. What’s the next thing the most resilient people do?

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

What if you could see failure as a positive?!?!

All those who want success will inevitably fail.

All those who desire happiness will at some point experience unhappiness.

Success and happiness, however, can be maximised if we just look at failure in a different way…

via Inc.com by Brian D Evans

Just today I received some news that one of my personal projects (not business related) was at the risk of not succeeding. This personal project was something that I had poured 100s of hours  into (not to mention all the money I spent.) Not going to lie, I was extremely frustrated when I first heard the news. This was something that was a personal goal of mine and important that I got it. At least that’s what I thought.

Within 5 minutes I turned my frustration completely around. I asked myself, “What’s the worst that could happen?” I realized that if the failure of this particular project was the worst that could happen, then I could live with that. The reason I can live with it is much bigger than the project itself. It is acceptance of the fact that I do not have ultimate control over every little thing in life, whether it be a business venture or a personal side project.

This lesson and learning experience was only one of many things I’ve learned over the years that has helped me increase my success by looking at setbacks and failures differently…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Do you have these 8 types of friends in your life?

via Eric Barker

Do your friends sometimes disappoint you? Ever feel like there is something missing in your relationships?  You’re not alone.

Tom Rath and the Gallup organization discovered something interesting: the vast majority of the time, no one pal offers you everything you need from your relationships.

Some of your friends are great listeners… but they’re not always there when you need them. Others are intensely loyal… but just not that great at helping you out of a jam. And so on.

We get different things from different friends. And sometimes even with a sizable group you’re still not getting all the things you want in order to feel truly supported in life. Kinda like how to be healthy you need the four different food groups — you can’t just eat cookies for every meal.

“Friendship” is a pretty vague word. You generally don’t even know everything you want from your relationships to feel whole — you just know something’s missing. There’s a gap.

So Rath and Gallup got to work. They surveyed over a thousand people to find out what the types of “vital friends” were — someone who if they vanished, your life satisfaction would noticeably decrease.

What did these types of friends offer? How do they round out your life? What are those things we all want from a group of friends to feel truly fulfilled?

Rath breaks down the results of their research in Vital Friends: The People You Can’t Afford to Live Without.

It turns out there are 8 types of “vital friends.” Many of us don’t have all of them in our squad, and that’s why we often feel disappointed or like we’re not getting everything we need. (You have to collect all the different Pokemon to win at the game called life.)

So let’s break down the 8 and get the basics on what they are, learn where you might meet the ones that are missing, and find out how to strengthen your relationships with the ones you already have. We’ll also look at what you should do to be better at the role which you play in the lives of others.

Okay, time to get friendly…

1) The Builder

Just because you’re not in Little League anymore doesn’t mean you don’t need a coach. Someone who motivates you and encourages you to take it to the next level. That supportive friend who believes in your potential and won’t let you rest on your laurels.

From Vital Friends: The People You Can’t Afford to Live Without:

Builders are great motivators, always pushing you toward the finish line. They continually invest in your development and genuinely want you to succeed — even if it means they have to go out on a limb for you. Builders are generous with their time as they help you see your strengths and use them productively. When you want to think about how you can do more of what you already do well, talk to a Builder. Much like the best coaches and managers, these are the friends who lead you to achieve more each day.

Lacking a Builder in your life? We all need that person who nudges you to be all that you can be. Start asking more people for advice, then vet based on who gives solid answers and supports you. Who checks in with you a week later to see how things are progressing? That’s your new Builder.

Want to make the Builder you have better? Tell them your goals and what you’re struggling with. Tell them you appreciate their support… and give them permission to nag you if you slack.

What if you’re a Builder? How can you be more helpful to your friends? Pay attention to what they’re up to and offer help. Check in with them if goals they said were important do a vanishing act. Some people need a supportive voice in order to follow through.

My friend Jodie is a Builder par excellence. I tend to only do things that interest or excite me. So my life can get a little unbalanced. (That is a tsunami-sized understatement, by the way.) When I neglect things that, oh, “keep me breathing” or “make life worth living,” Jodie offers reminders, support… and then nags me relentlessly. So I always do what she says…

Eventually.

(To learn more about the science of a successful life, check out my new book here.)

Builders motivate you and keep you going. Who sings your praises to others?

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Stop these 5 things to be more successful

via Inc.com by Jory MacKay

According to researchers at Duke University, up to 40% of our behaviors on any given day are driven by habit.

That’s half your life spent on autopilot. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing if you’ve put in the work and been diligent about building good habits.

Unfortunately, most of us haven’t. We watch Netflix when we could be working on our business strategy. We eat junk food when we know healthier meals will give us the energy to get through the day.

Bad habits are everywhere in our lives and they’re hard to get rid of it. But if you’re willing to put in the work, modern research has a few things that you need to stop doing now if you want to build better habits.

Focusing too much on the end goal and not enough on the process.

Marketing guru Seth Godin calls this a ‘crash diet’–where we put all our energy into looking for the quickest route to our goal or behavior change, rather than starting small and building good habits.

If you want to make real, sustainable change it means breaking down your new habit into the smallest chunks possible and working through them. Studies have shown the momentum you get from making these small changes is much more likely to help you build that new habit.

Or, as Sonia Thompson, founder of TRY Business School, says:

“Setting the bar too high can serve to demotivate and discourage you from ever getting started.”

Taking on too much change at once.

According to research by psychologist Ray Baumeister and John Tierney, the average professional has 150 tasks to be done at any given time. This might sound ridiculous, but look at your own to-do list. I’d bet there’s more jobs listed than you could do today, let alone in the next two days. It’s no wonder research from the startup iDoneThis found that 41% of the to-do list tasks their users inputted were never accomplished…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

For happiness, don’t believe everything you think…

via the Huffington Post by James McRae

The average person thinks between 50,000-70,000 thoughts per day. These thoughts range from the mundane — I need to buy milk, to the significant — I love you, to the self-destructive — I’m not good enough. In the moment, our thinking seems logical. But when we examine long patterns of brain activity, it’s clear that thoughts can be unstable and often arbitrary, shifting depending on context and contradicting our better instincts. Yet humans usually form our personal identities around the things we think. The result is a scattered sense of self that drifts as the wind blows.

But you are not your thoughts. You are the consciousness (the ocean) from which your thoughts (the waves) arise. The human capacity to think (while great in comparison to other living creatures) is incredibly susceptible to error. Cognitive bias, false assumptions, misinformation, Ego and limited beliefs are just a few patterns of unhealthy thought that interfere with our judgement.

“I think, therefore I am,” René Descartes said in the 17th century. But modern science and psychology have revealed a deeper truth about the way we think: “I am, therefore I think.”

Controlling your thoughts is the first step to a happier, healthier mind. Below are five tips to maximize productive thinking and minimize mental clutter.

1) Don’t identify with mind. Be the observer.

Instead of reacting to everything that you think, become an unbiased observer of your thoughts. When bad thoughts arise, say, “It’s interesting that I think that.” When good thoughts arise, say, “It’s interesting that I think that.” As an unbiased observer of your thoughts, you remain in control and non-reactionary. Don’t identify with the waves. Be the ocean: still, unmoving…

…keep reading the full and original article HERE

Do you fall in to any of these 5 happiness traps?

via Forbes.com by Kevin Kruse

What’s holding you back from happiness?

Identifying whether or not you are happy is simple enough. Understanding why and what to do about it is another story altogether. Through work and life we often delay making changes we think would make us happier because we tell ourselves to wait for the “right time.” But what if the right time is now? And what if you can figure out how to address your unhappiness and start to move forward?

Annie McKee is a best-selling author, respected academic, speaker, and sought-after advisor to top global leaders. She is a senior fellow at the University of Pennsylvania Graduate School of Education, and has co-authored numerous Harvard Business Review books, including Resonant Leadership, Primal Leadership, and Becoming a Resonant Leader. Her latest book is, How to Be Happy at Work: The Power of Purpose, Hope, and Friendships.

I recently interviewed Annie for the LEADx Leadership Podcast where I asked her to walks us through the five most common happiness traps, and what we can do to get out of them.

McKee explained that through her research, she realized that the key to finding happiness at work, is to first acknowledge that we deserve it. Secondly, she says, we need to stop blaming leaders or work cultures for our unhappiness, because we have to take on some of the responsibility for our own well-being. “Take the ‘Overwork Trap’, for example,” she says, “Overwork is our modern disease. A lot of us work all the time, and this is particularly true, ironically, for people who love our jobs. It’s really hard to turn off, and couple that with access to technology and the demands of our workplaces, and we can find ourselves burning out in very short order, even if we’re strong and resilient.” She goes on to say that while loving your work is great, if you’re working constantly then it’s only a matter of time before it becomes unfulfilling. “We’ve got to find some way to ensure that we can renew ourselves,” she advises…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

The Power of Thankfulness: 5 Essential Tips

“I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.”
G.K. Chesterton

“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.”
Robert Brault

“Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

This week many of my readers will celebrate Thanksgiving.

So I thought it would be a good time to share a handful of my favorite tips for making thankfulness a daily part of life.

Because being thankful for what you have is one of the simplest and easiest ways to lift your mood. To give your motivation a jolt. And to live a happier life.

No matter who you are or where you live in the world.

1. Pause and look around yourself.

A simple first step to being more thankful is to pause during your day and ask yourself these two questions:

• What are 3 things I can be thankful for in my life today?
• Who are 3 people I can be thankful to have in my life and why?

If you don’t come up with 3 people and 3 things each day then that is OK. One thing or person is great too.

But if you can, try to not repeat yourself too often. Instead, think of more people and things to be grateful for to, day by day, expand your thankful view of your world.

2. Express your thankfulness.

Don’t stop at just coming up with people for whom you are grateful to have in your life.

Take a few seconds to tell them about it. This will make their lives happier. And as their faces light up with a smile you’ll feel happier too.

Now, that gratitude could just be a small sentence. But it can have a big impact on someone’s day, week or even life.

So be sure to make the small effort to express it.

3. Look towards yourself too.

It is not only things that are important. Or other people.

You are important and valuable too.

So appreciate that.

Ask yourself:

What are 3 things I can be thankful for about myself?

It could be that you were a good sister during a crisis last week. It could be that you finally got done with that boring or difficult task you had been procrastinating on.

Your self-gratitude does not have to be all about achievements. You can simply be thankful for your good sense of humor. Or the help you give your friends and family by being a good listener from time to time.

And the thankfulness doesn’t have to be about big things either. It could simply be about the fact that you floss for a couple of minutes in the morning.

4. Be thankful for the things you may take for granted.

The things we get very used to having can become things we take for granted. But they are not things everyone in the world has access to.

A few such things that I like to reflect upon and feel very thankful for having are:

• A roof over my head and a warm home.
• Plenty of drinkable water.
• That I don’t have to go hungry.
• Being able to enjoy the small and free pleasures of life.
• Access to the internet so that I can learn and connect with people.

I have found that being grateful for things like these are especially helpful to zoom out and to put my situation in perspective when I am going through a tough time in life.

5. Start or end your day with thankfulness.

To make thankfulness into a habit that sticks find a regular time for it in your day.

For example, you can start your day in a good way by finding 3 things to be grateful for about yourself over breakfast.

Or you can take a few minutes in the evening, just before going to bed, to use a journal to write down 3 things you are grateful for about your day.

Try a tiny time commitment like one of these and see what impact it has on your life.

One for the parents: how to raise mentally strong children

Every parent wants their kids to be happy.

But should happiness really be the primary goal of child-rearing?

Happiness is not a bad thing; but it’s arguably less important than grit or resilience or some other lesser-known constructs.

So if you’re a parent, by all means help your children to enjoy positive emotions and happiness but don’t ignore these 3 strategies for mental strength…

via Inc.com by Amy Morin

Challenges, hardship, and setbacks are inevitable. Teaching kids to build mental musclehelps them become resilient. It’s also the key to helping them reach their greatest potential in life.

But, it’s easy to get so caught up in day-to-day issues, like homework and soccer practice, that you forget to look at the bigger parenting picture. Consequently, many kids aren’t developing the mental strength they need to become responsible adults.

Here are three things you can do to help your kids become the strongest and best version of themselves:

1. Teach your kids to think realistically.

The way your child thinks affects the way he feels and the way he behaves. So it’s essential to teach your child how to deal with those overly negative thoughts.

Kids struggle with many of the same types of thoughts adults do–catastrophic thinking, self-doubt, and harsh criticism. And sometimes, parents are quick to say things like, “Quit worrying” or, “It’ll turn out fine,” when kids express concerns.

Most parents never teach kids how to develop healthier self-talk. And the solution isn’t to simply, “Think positive.” Kids who are confident everything will turn out well aren’t prepared for real-life challenges.

A child who initially thinks, “I’ll never be able to pass math class,” can learn to reframe his negative thinking by telling himself, “I can improve my math grade by studying hard, asking for help, and doing my homework.” Kids who think realistically feel better about themselves and are more resilient.

How to Teach It: Encourage your kids to become thought detectives who evaluate the evidence that supports and refutes their assumptions. When your child says something negative, ask, “What makes you think that’s true?” and “What is some evidence that might not be true?” Teach them to challenge their thoughts and prove themselves wrong…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

How to live a life without regrets

Happiness is … living your best possible life.

Happiness is … taking on life and taking on challenges.

Happiness is … saying “why not” rather than “what if”.

Happiness is … living a life without regrets…

via Inc.com by Jessica Stillman

What do you think when a plane you’re traveling on hits turbulence? Maybe you pray, maybe you mentally recite the excellent safety statistics of flying, or maybe you distract yourself with daydreams. But chances are excellent you don’t have the same reaction as author Ryan Holiday.

“When I am on a plane and the turbulence hits, when a car veers out into traffic, when I hear about someone I know who died suddenly: I don’t get scared. I just think, ‘If this is it, all right,'” he reported on Thrive Global recently.

That probably strikes some as odd, but you have to admit, it’s a nice place to be. Holiday might be only 30, but when he’s confronted with the prospect of life’s end, he can honestly report he feels no regret.

How did he get to this happy point? In the lengthy post, he offers a whopping 76 rules that have helped guide him to a full and fulfilling life. It’s well worth a read (as is what scientistsand superachievers have to say about avoiding regret), but to get you started here’s a sampling of some of Holiday’s best rules.

1. Do ridiculous things.

“Some of the best decisions of my life came out of total irresponsibility and whim,” confesses Holiday. “My wife and I got a dog because I was reading a book about how Pope Leo X had a pet elephant named Hanno. That’d be a funny name for a dog, I thought. A week later, we had a miniature dachshund puppy. One of the best things I ever did.”

2. Choose the job that will teach you the most.

How do you choose a career that you won’t regret? Ask which will teach you the most. “This is how I have evaluated my career and job opportunities (and book projects, too). There are lots of ways to make money, fewer real opportunities to learn,” reports Holiday…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

What if you could turn off stress?!?!

It’s hard to be happy if you’re stressed and worried.

Happiness, then, depends at least in part on managing stress and anxiety.

And more happiness is possible; if one learns to flip the switch on stress…

via Psychology Today by Beth Kurland

Take a moment to try a quick experiment. Say the following out loud if possible, or to yourself if you prefer: “This is awful. I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t handle this.” When you do that, what do you notice happening in your body? Does your breathing change? What happens to your posture? What muscles contract or tighten? How do you feel?

Now say the following to yourself: “This is difficult, but I can handle it. I will find the strength to cope with this and move forward.” Ask yourself the same questions as above, and notice what your answers are.

If you are like most people, the first set of statements evokes feelings of tension in the body, perhaps shallow breathing, feelings of irritability, or other signs of stress. In the second example, when I have tried this with my patients, they report being aware of sitting more upright, having less clenching of muscles, feeling a greater sense of openness in their bodies, and feeling more empowered. This is the power of words. The words we say to ourselves are not simply mental events, but affect our emotions and our bodies, which in turn can impact our health. For example, tense muscles, if chronically held, can lead to pain, and stress chemicals flooding our body on a chronic basis can contribute to dis–ease and disease.

It has been estimated that our minds can produce 50,000 or more thoughts per day. If we really begin to pay attention to the things that we say to ourselves, which most of us don’t naturally do, we would notice that many of these thoughts are negative, and even at times self-deprecating. Many of these thoughts make unhelpful predictions about the future without us even realizing this (as in the example above, predicting that we can’t handle something before giving ourselves a chance). Our minds can also focus on unhelpful stories about the past and can pull us in and spiral us downward, ensnaring us in a web of negativity and stress.

So how do we step out of this downward spiral? There are many ways to do this, but I would like to share a two-step process with you here…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Here’s how you can stop worrying about what other people think!

Social comparison is an absolute happiness killer!

Worrying about what other people think, and what they think about you, can destroy happiness and peace of mind.

Which is why this article about how to stop is so important…

via Inc.com 

Answer by Karen Arluck, Clinical Psychotherapist in private practice, on Quora:

“Good help is hard to find”

I refer to this old saying in this case to mean that finding external validation and raising your self-esteem in the form of: people, events, accomplishments, romantic relationships etc., may not only be hard to find, but can also be an unreliable source. Essentially, this very normal craving for positive external feedback that people experience, often leads to feelings of disappointment, hurt, insecurity, anxiety, and/or other potentially negative feelings.

This can even become a type of emotional addiction, where the positive external feedback serves as the “drug”, and longer you take this drug to feel good, the more addicted you become, and higher your tolerance becomes, leading you to need more and more of it to feel the same “high.”

Isn’t it normal to want praise and reassurance from other people?

Yes! The answer is that it is absolutely “normal”. However, just because something is considered “normal” doesn’t mean that it is always a good thing. For some people, this doesn’t cause them any issues. For other people who become more reliant on it, they may find that this pattern brings them more unhappiness than it does rewards, and that they actually have very little control over how the universe around them responds to them.

What do you have control over?

What you do have control over, is the ability to retake the keys to your own happiness and other emotions, which actually comes from inside you, as opposed to from the people or circumstances around you.

How does one retake the keys to their own feelings?

Step 1: Recognize the pattern…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

24 Quick Ways to Make Someone Happy Today

“Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give.”
Eleanor Roosevelt

One of the best ways to create a happier life for yourself is to make other people happier.

Why?

• You see it. You’ll feel happier as someone’s face lights up with joy.
• You did a good thing. You’ll feel happier because you feel you have done a good thing. And so your self-esteem shoots up too.
• You get what you give. In the long run you tend to be treated by others as you treat them. Plus, the way you treat and think about others also tends to be the way you treat and think about yourself.

So how can you make someone happier?

Here are 24 quite quick things you can start doing today. Pick one and see how it can affect someone in your life.

1. Give a sincere compliment. Many positive things tend to go unsaid. So give someone a sincere compliment today. It can mean especially much if it’s for something that is close to the other person’s heart. Or something he or she has been putting in a good effort with like getting into better shape for the last few months.
2. Let someone into your lane while you’re driving. It can unstress his or her day quite a bit.
3. Hold the door open for a few extra seconds. It doesn’t take much of an effort but it can put a smile on someone’s face.
4. Express your gratitude for what is too often taken for granted. We may sometimes take what others do a bit too much for granted. Like the food they cook, how they keep doing their job consistently each and every day or how to they are there to listen when we need it.
5. Share some of your tasty homemade cookies. Or bread, ice cream or jerky.
6. Give away a piece of your hobby. Like a bracelet or a drawing you have made for instance.
7. Share some of your fall harvest. For example some jam, canned vegetables or dried delicious mushrooms or fruit.
8. Encourage. The world can be a tough and discouraging place at times. So encourage someone who is in a negative situation at the moment. Add your own perhaps more grounded and optimistic perspective on the situation to lessen his or her worries and perhaps exaggerated fears.
9. Tell a good – or terrible – joke. Or a funny story about something that happened to you last week.
10. Share something funny you found online. Play one of your favorite clips from a stand-up show you love if you are out of jokes and good stories at the moment.
11. Share a Spotify-playlist with the most inspiring and uplifting songs you know. Send it to a friend that needs it right now. Or share it with family, friends or co-workers on social media.
12. Give a stranger a compliment. Few things can brighten a day like getting a kind and unexpected compliment from someone you pass by or you have just met. So take a few seconds and give that to someone you encounter today and tell her how nice her shoes, hat or hairstyle looks. Or ask him where he where he got that cool t-shirt or umbrella.
13. Help out practically with advice. If a friend needs some help then ask someone you know who has been in that situation for advice. Or do a bit of online research to find what he she might be looking for.
14. Pick some flowers. It only takes few minutes but the joy lasts for days.
15. Give a hug. It unstresses and it can disrupt negative thoughts and change someone’s mood surprisingly quickly. Use when appropriate though.
16. Cook their favorite food if they have had a bad day. I know from my own life that it can really cheer me up on such days.
17. Get their favorite takeout food. If you want a quicker option than cooking a meal when they are having a crummy day. A variation on this idea is to get just a small piece of their favorite chocolate or other treat.
18. Bring something nice for the coffee break at work. Maybe some sweet fruit, like clementines. Or some fancy and really tasty tea. Or maybe something from the local bakery. This can be big cheer up especially during this often dark and cold time of the year.
19. Smile. Even if you’re only spending 30 seconds on talking to the cashier in the supermarket checkout line.
20. Run an errand or do one chore for that person. It can be big stress reducer if he or she is having a hectic day.
21. Just listen. It’s sometimes all that’s needed to help someone out of a negative headspace.
22. Bring a cup of tea or coffee the way that person likes it. It only takes a minute while you are already up and getting a hot beverage for yourself.
23. Hide a secret note for him or her to find. A note of thankfulness. Or a note with a compliment. Or simply a note of love. Hide it in their tea container, lunch box or hat for example.
24. Bring the positivity. If you bring positivity and an open, happy and good energy into a conversation for example then that tends to spread and the two of you or more will have happier lunch break, evening down at the pub or coffee date in the crisp autumn sunshine.

What is your favorite way to make someone happy?

8 ways to be more considerate

Happiness is about building positive relationships.

Happiness is about being kind.

Happiness is about being considerate.

Here are 8 habits of considerate people…

via TheLadders.com by Travis Bradberry

Philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer once said, “Politeness is to human nature what warmth is to wax.” It’s true. Being kind and considerate softens people and makes them malleable to your way of thinking.

But I see another meaning there, too. I think he’s also saying that being considerate of others is an integral part of what it means to be human. Charles Darwin would have agreed. He argued that our instinct to be considerate is even stronger than our instinct to be self-serving.

As obvious as that may seem, it’s only recently that neuroscience has been able to explain why. Research conducted by Dacher Keltner at Berkeley showed that our brains react exactly the same when we see other people in pain as when we experience pain ourselves. Watching someone else experience pain also activates the structure deep inside the brain that’s responsible for nurturing behavior, called the periaqueductal gray.

Being considerate of others is certainly a good career move, but it’s also good for your health. When you show consideration for others, the brain’s reward center is triggered, which elevates the feel-good chemicals dopamine, oxytocin, and endogenous opioids. This gives you a great feeling, which is similar to what’s known as “runner’s high,” and all that oxytocin is good for your heart.

“Being considerate of others will take you further in life than any college or professional degree.” – Marian Wright Edelman

That’s all well and good, but how practical is it? How do you become more considerate when you have so many other things competing for your finite mental energy? It’s not that hard—all you have to do is emulate the habits of highly considerate people.

Show up on time. Sure, sometimes things happen, but always showing up late sends a very clear message that you think your time is more important than everyone else’s, and that’s just rude. Even if you really do think that your time is more important, you don’t have to broadcast that belief to the world. Instead, be considerate and show up when you said you would.

Be deliberately empathic. It’s one thing to feel empathy for other people, but putting that feeling into action is another matter entirely. It’s great to be able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes—in fact, it’s essential—but that doesn’t necessarily translate into being considerate. To be deliberately empathic, you have to let your ability to walk in their shoes change what you do, whether that’s changing your behavior to accommodate their feelings or providing tangible help in a tough situation…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

9 self-care tips

Happiness is not selfishness.

But happiness does require taking care of oneself.

So for more happiness and balance in your life, check out these 9 self-care tips…

via PsychCentral by Megan Vossler

Are you feeling run-down? Are you continually putting the needs of others before your own? Do you feel like your life is out of balance? If you answered yes to any of these questions, consider investing in self-care. Self-care refers to the practices you engage in to decrease stress and promote general well-being. Practices vary from person-to-person, however, self-care as a whole creates similar outcomes: increased happiness, balance, productivity, reduced stress and a greater sense of control.

Practicing self-care tends to be the first neglected “to-do” during times of stress when in reality self-care is the antidote! When incorporated into your daily, weekly and monthly routine, you’ll experience a profound impact relative to the time invested.

Here are 9 self-care practices you can implement today:

1. Journaling: Journaling is a practice that takes minimal commitment with tremendous impact. While drinking your morning coffee or tea, write down your thoughts and feelings. Take a few minutes to jot down whatever comes to mind. There are no thoughts too insignificant to journal. This process allows you to acknowledge what is on your mind.
2. Mindfulness: Due to the busy nature of our lives, we often function on autopilot. Mindfulness, the practice of present awareness, can bring you back to a present state of mind. Try being mindful when doing simple tasks, such as washing the dishes. Slow down to notice the temperature of the water, the direction of the scrub brush, the smell of the dish soap or the feel of the metal silverware or porcelain plates. When you slow down to notice the sensations of the experience you root yourself in the present.
3. Limit the use of technology: With the popularity of internet-connected smartphones, it seems everyone is distracted 24/7. Being constantly connected can lead to a frenzied state, drawing your attention away from the present. Changing your usage habits with technology can have a substantial impact on lowering anxiety. Try to avoid looking at your cell phone first thing in the morning, establish a cut off time at night and choose a day when you are technology free!

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

11 tips for better mental health

via Self.com by Korin Miller

The goal of therapy is to give you the tools and strategies for navigating whatever is going on in your life—from stress or relationship issues to managing a mental health diagnosis. But a therapist isn’t going to just hand over some life-changing advice and call it a day.

“Most of the work of therapy happens outside the consultation room,” licensed clinical psychologist Alicia H. Clark, Psy.D., tells SELF. “The best progress happens when you apply what you’ve learned outside that setting, in your real life.”

The good news: This means that you have the power to enact real change in the way you think, behave, and cope on a daily basis. But you need to put in the work.

“There are 168 hours in a week,” licensed clinical psychologist John Mayer, Ph.D., author of Family Fit: Find Your Balance in Life, tells SELF. “It would be terribly arrogant on the part of a therapist to believe that your one-hour intervention will suffice to keep your clients mentally healthy for the rest of the 167 hours.”

But, we get it, therapy isn’t always accessible to everyone. So, while this isn’t meant to be a substitute for professional help, we asked mental health professionals to share the most impactful and least intimidating strategies that they typically give to their patients. If you’re looking for mental health advice that you can start acting on immediately, try some of these tactics:

1. Actually try writing your thoughts down.

Venting is awesome for a reason—it helps you get out your frustrations. That’s one of the reasons why it can be helpful to keep a mental health journal, David Klow, licensed marriage and family therapist, founder of Chicago’s Skylight Counseling Center and author of the upcoming book You Are Not Crazy: Love Letters from Your Therapist, tells SELF.

You don’t need to do anything in-depth or lengthy—just take five minutes or so a day to write down your thoughts, feelings, or ideas. This can be especially helpful if you want to keep track of changes in your moods or behavior over time (maybe to discuss with a therapist later). But it can also just be a place to work through something in a private, non-judgey space—something that you may not feel comfortable talking about just yet.

2. When you’re super stressed and overwhelmed, see if there’s any way to put a positive spin on it.

Stress happens, and it always sucks on some level—whether you’re overworked or overbooked or both.

Still, Dr. Clark says you can take those moments when you’re totally overwhelmed and try to look for the good in them. For example, if you’re stressed because you’re up against an intense work deadline, think about how that stress is actually helping to push you to get it done. “The sensation of pressure doesn’t have to be negative—it can be a positive challenge and motivating,” Dr. Clark says. Or, if you don’t have a free weekend to yourself in the next two months, consider how it’s pretty great that you’ve got such a rich social life these days. In many cases, it’s all about how you view it.

And, of course, if you’re chronically stressed and there really isn’t an upside, consider viewing that as a welcome warning sign that you need to find ways to scale back before you burn out…

… keep reading the full & original article HERE

Want to create happy memories that’ll last a lifetime? Here’s how…

via Eric Barker

Your first kiss. Graduation. Your first job. Your wedding day. Birth of your first child.

These are the big memories that we all cherish. But there are other little memories that stick out because they had such a powerful emotional impact on you. Moments that enriched your life, bonded you with others and helped you define who you are.

Well, the latter are just “magic”, right? Serendipity. Can’t engineer that. They just “happen”…

*Writer rolls his eyes so hard he gets a migraine.*

Yeah, and sometimes they don’t. More often than not, one day rolls into the next, one month rolls into the next, you blink your eyes and you’re staring down the barrel of another New Year’s Day saying: where the heck did the time go?

Serendipity can be a bus that never arrives. So why do we leave special moments to chance? And why do we not do more to create those special memories for others — the way we’d like them to make some for us?

We get tired. We get lazy. And then boom — suddenly CVS is loaded with Christmas ornaments and it signals the end of another year. No good. If we want great memories we have to make them.

But how do you do that? What makes some little moments so powerful? And others the epitome of “meh”?

Chip and Dan Heath have a new book that lays out the science you need to know — The Power of Moments: Why Certain Experiences Have Extraordinary Impact.

Time to learn how to construct more events that will restock your reminiscence reservoir. Boost your nostalgia number. Fill your flashback fund.

Let’s get to work…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

What if you’re doing happiness all wrong?

via Forbes.com by Kevin Kruse

What if our chase for happiness has been completely wrong?

The emotional process of delaying happiness is one we are all familiar with. How many times have we told ourselves we’ll finally relax once we hit that milestone, or you’ll finally have balance after you finish this 65-hour work week? It’s an uphill chase with moving goalposts, a seemingly unattainable moving target. So how can we think about happiness and our own inner lives, so we can stop waiting for happiness and start enjoying it?

Dr. Susan David is a renowned Harvard Medical School psychologist and co-founder of the Harvard Institute of Coaching. She challenges the prevailing attitude that we should fix our difficult emotions through positive thinking and chasing happiness all the time. She draws on her 20+ years of research to instead introduce a revolutionary new concept called emotional agility. It changes the way people live, work, and lead in this very uncertain world. The idea was named a Harvard Business Review management idea of the year. Her new book is Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and in Life.

I recently interviewed Susan for the LEADx Podcast where she discussed how to recognize when you need to grit, and when you need to quit. (The interview below has been lightly edited for space and clarity.)

Kevin Kruse: Will you tell us a time when you failed at something and what did you learn from it?

Dr. Susan David: I’ve had many failures, but probably one of the ones that stands out most for me is when I quit university. I had a fairly bad experience leading up to it where my father had been ill and died and I still went off, because that was the thing that everyone did. I realized after a while that it was not working for me and I was not working for it. I made a very difficult decision, which was to quit.

I think what I’ve learned from that experience and what is really an ongoing question for me is when do you grit and when do you quit? Society really holds up this idea that we should grit no matter what, we should muscle through. When we’re struggling with stuff at work, we should just get on with it. Yet, one of the signs of human adaptation is knowing when to persevere, but just as equally when you are persevering at something that is maybe incongruent with your values that has a low chance of success that you no longer enjoy. While there often seems to be a lot of shame in the idea of quitting, I actually think that there’s a huge amount of grace, dignity, and adaptation in that. The world is changing, we are changing, and we need to know how to be flexible with that context…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

According to science, if you make these 6 simple changes you’ll be happier!

Change is hard. Change is good. Change can make you happier…

via Forbes.com by Nancy F Clark

You may be thinking, “What can scientists tell me about being happier and what exactly do they think happiness is?” Researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky can help us out here. She describes happiness as “the experience of joy, contentment or positive well-being, combined with a sense that one’s life is good, meaningful and worthwhile.” Plus, her studies have inspired happiness tip number six below, which will make you and those around you happier. Ready to get started?

1.  How Can I Have More Willpower?

Stanford’s Kelly McGonigal says there are ways to improve your willpower that are not difficult. Treat your willpower as if you’re building a muscle — increase it little by little. Choose a goal that you’ll look forward to rather than something others think you should do. Try to take little steps earlier in the day before fatigue begins to set in. Now when you slip up and don’t take the right action, the surprise is that you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself. Don’t go into that negative self-talk downward spiral. Instead, use a self-compassionate mindset and treat yourself as you would a good friend.

Research by Juliana Breines at the University of California, Berkeley shows that when you’re not happy with how you’ve performed or if you feel guilty about something you’ve done, it helps if you follow these instructions, which she gave to the study’s participants: “Imagine that you are talking to yourself about this [weakness/action] from a compassionate and understanding perspective. What would you say?”

By practicing this self-compassionate mindset, participants showed greater willingness to learn from and improve on their self-perceived weakness, mistake or failure. They were more likely to want to take action to reduce the harm of their previous misdeeds. Plus they also had greater optimism that their personal weakness could be changed.

Being kinder to yourself increases your optimism—and consequently your happiness.

2.  I Smell Coffee!

Imagine the scent of a cup of coffee at your afternoon break or a warm slice of apple pie. Neuroscientist Jessica Freiherr says that our sense of smell often happens under the radar of our consciousness. Unlike our other senses, our sense of smell (our olfactory nerves) do not go to the brain’s gateway (the thalamus) for processing. They go directly to the cortical areas to arouse emotions and memories without our awareness. So, if you’d like to feel happier several times a day, make plans to line up a few good smelling props. What three things will you choose?

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

7 ways to stay motivated, even when everything’s going wrong!

Happiness is enjoying the good times.

But happiness is also getting through the tough times.

That requires motivation, even when things are going wrong.

So if you want to enjoy more happiness, during good times and bad, keep reading…

via Inc.com by John Rampton

Let’s not sugarcoat this. Life can be a royal pain in the ass. One day you’re on top of the world and the next you’re scrambling to find your next dollar.

At some point we all experience this roller coaster ride known as life.

I’ve had a couple setbacks in life. The first was when I suffered an accident while working construction. I was told I’d never walk again. The second was when I lost several million dollars (my life savings) in a six-week period and had to lay off my entire team of 70+ people.

That is in no way saying that I’ve had it worse than some others. I’m just saying that sometimes everything around us falls apart. And when that happens, the last thing on your mind is getting motivated enough to meet that challenge head-on.

I will say, though, that all is not lost. You can still find ways to motivate yourself even during these most trying of times.

1. Take a break

This may sound outrageous. Wouldn’t it just make more sense to just keep plugging away at finding a solution? Not necessarily.

The reality is that sometimes you need to back away from the world that’s crumbling around you so that you can refocus and get a clearer picture of what’s going on. Once you do, you can assess the situation and figure out the best course of action.

That’s exactly what I did when my business failure. My wife and I took a break by skipping out of town and going to Disneyland. While there we made the decision to pack-up, sell everything, and relocate to the Bay Area.

Without getting out of town, I wouldn’t have made one of the best decisions of my life; start fresh somewhere. It was therapeutic and gave me something to look forward to.

2. Get support.

Put your ego aside and don’t hesitate in asking for help. Whether if it’s borrowing some money, asking for advice, having someone to vent to, or just being around someone who’s upbeat. Having a strong and positive support system is one of the best ways to get your mojo back.

In fact, one studies have found that positivity is 100% contagious. So, make sure that your support system is optimistic and are capable of lifting your spirits.

At the same time, your support system needs to also include people who are honest – even if they can be harsh sometime. For example, my dad has been my harshest critic. But, his feedback was so honest and genuine that it’s kept me grounded, focused, and motivated…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Could living like a cat be the secret to happiness and success?!?!

via the Evening Standard by Susannah Butter

There’s a new role model in the capital. They have a good work/life balance (with an emphasis on the life part), they always look rested and bright-eyed, and they’ve even managed to negotiate a deal where they live in London but don’t pay rent. They’re universally popular, too. Everybody wants to be a cat.

A new book by French author Stéphane Garnier argues that the secret to happiness and success is living like your cat. Garnier undertook extensive research for his manual, immersing himself in the life of his own cat, Ziggy (they live on a houseboat in Lyon together). Here’s how to do it.

Delegate

Cats don’t make their own tea, do their own printing or have to make their own PowerPoints for meetings. Instead, they carve out time for themselves, outsourcing the minutiae of life, like getting food and paying the bills, to humans. This makes the humans feel important — they are indispensable to someone else’s life. You can recreate this at work. Too often, managers fall into the trap of constantly checking the work of their employees. The result is wasted time,  loss of autonomy for employees and too much work for the boss. A cat would never do this…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Get outside, into nature…and according to science you’ll enjoy more happiness!

via PsychCentral by Janice Wood

New research bolsters the belief that spending time outdoors can contribute to happiness.

In fact, if people simply take time to notice the nature around them, it will increase their general happiness and well-being, said Holli-Anne Passmore, a Ph.D. psychology student at the University of British Columbia’s Okanagan campus.

Her study, published in the Journal of Positive Psychology, examined the connection between taking a moment to look at something from the natural environment and personal well-being.

The study involved a two-week intervention where participants were asked to document how nature they encountered in their daily routine made them feel. They took a photo of an item that caught their attention and jotted down a short note about their feelings in response to it.

Other participants tracked their reactions to human-made objects, took a photo and jotted down their feelings, while a third group did neither.

Examples of nature could be anything not human built: A house plant, a dandelion growing in a crack in a sidewalk, birds, or sun through a window.

“This wasn’t about spending hours outdoors or going for long walks in the wilderness,” Passmore says. “This is about the tree at a bus stop in the middle of a city and the positive effect that one tree can have on people.”

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Want more happiness? What about 3 types of happiness!

via Big Think by Scotty Hendricks

Quick question, are you happy? If you need more than two seconds to answer it, I can wait. For many people, happiness is the end all meaning of life; that rare and beautiful thing that they long for more than anything. If you can’t answer that you are happy, don’t worry; you’re in good, if glum, company.

But maybe the question would be easier if we asked: what kind of “happy” are you?

When people talk about “happiness”, there can be more than a few things we are really talking about. The most common understanding of it is “feeling good”. This relates to hedonistic happiness and the seeking of pleasure while avoiding pain. It is a common approach to happiness, one which has been enshrined in the philosophy of Utilitarianism. It is not, however, the only way to be happy.

Eudaimonic Happiness, for example, is rather different. Eudaimonia means “flourishing”and is the idea of having a worthwhile life rather than an explicitly pleasant one. The idea goes back to Socrates and the Stoics who argued that being virtuous was enough to assure a good life even; if it was less pleasurable than a life of vice.

The idea was also the foundation of Aristotle’s virtue ethics, though he argued that a truly excellent life also required a few external goods as well as virtue; money, friendship, beauty, and a decent amount of luck among them. For Aristotle the most worthwhile life is the life of reason, to live virtuously and intellectually is far superior to living otherwise, even if it can be less fun.

More recently, the idea was given a psychological reboot with Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. A person who has reached the apex of the pyramid, self-actualization, and self-transcendence, can be said to be living a Eudemonic life. One where they seek to fulfill their potential and life their lives to the fullest.

There is also the idea of Evaluative Happiness. This idea is fairly straightforward, social scientists ask people on questionnaires to rate their happiness on a scale from 1-10.  This kind of happiness is most closely tied to “life satisfaction” and the fulfillment of goals. Given that it can be measured very simply and doesn’t make assumptions about what will make the person answering the question happy, it is considered the gold standard of well-being metrics…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

10 simple ways to better manage stress

About a week ago was International Stress Awareness Day.

But it’s never too late to review some simple, and powerful stress management strategies.

These 10 tips will help you keep those unpleasant emotions in check; AND free you up to enjoy more of those positive emotions…such as happiness!

So if you ever feel stressed and if you ever feel you’d like to better manage life then keep reading below…

via the Telegraph by Madeleine Howell

International Stress Awareness Day bills itself as an opportunity to “speak up and speak out about stress”. It’s a timely issue: this year, Prince Harry made startling admissions about the stress he suffered following the tragic loss of his mother Princess Diana.

Meanwhile, a new study of 5,000 UK adults has found that Britain is losing almost five billion hours of sleep worrying each year. The research, undertaken by YouGov for the Swinton Group, showed that this has a negative impact on their day-to-day wellbeing of 6 in 10 people.

Home security doubts, money worries, health concerns and work woes are among the most common causes. According to the Health and Safety Executive’s Labour Force Survey, in 2015 and 2016 stress accounted for a considerable 37pc of all work-related cases of ill health.

An independent ‘Thriving at Work’ review commissioned by Theresa May in January also revealed this week that 300,000 people actually lose their jobs due to poor mental health and stress management each year, at a cost of £99bn a year to the UK economy.

For Hansa Pankhania, a fellow of the International Stress Management Association (which organises International Stress Awareness Day) and a member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy, the lack of awareness about simple stress management tools is “shocking”. Pankhania states that stress and mental health are intertwined, and stress is inextricably linked to mental health issues such as anxiety and depression.

But according to Pankhania (who is also the author of From Stress to Success and runs a stress management consultancy)  there are a number of highly effective tools at our fingertips that are free and easy to integrate into our daily lives. “It’s so important to raise awareness of simple things you can do without falling back on alcohol, which only compounds the problem,” she says.

So without further ado, here’s some easy (and most importantly, affordable) ways to manage stress in your day-to-day life, as recommended by the experts…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

The best way to exercise for your mental health

We all know exercise is good for you.

And many of us know that exercise is not just good for our physical health, but also for our mental health.

Exercise and activity are potent stress busters; and powerful happiness enhancers.

But did you know there’s a way to exercise that maximises the benefits you get in terms of happiness and mental health? If not, keep reading…

via Greatist by Susan Kaufman

Hitting the gym is pretty much always good for your body, no matter how you do it. But a new study found that working out in groups (taking classes, exercising with friends, anything) is way better for your physical, emotional, and mental health than going it alone.

Cool, but by how much? After months of tracking their quality of life, the participants who worked out in groups said their mental health was 13 percent better than it was before, and their physical and emotional health improved by about 25 percent. Even better, their stress decreased by almost 26 percent, which is (obviously) no small amount…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

What’s the most important thing for happiness & satisfaction at work? Having a best friend!

via Business Insider by Noah Friedman and Alana Kakoyiannis

Dan Buettner, National Geographic explorer and author of “Blue Zones of Happiness: Lessons from the World’s Happiest People,” explains four things that will enhance your work life. Following is a transcript of the video.

Dan Buettner: So in my book I outline a number of statistically underpinned things that you can do to make it more likely you’re going to like your work life and first and foremost among them is get a job that speaks to your passions as opposed to your bank account. When it comes to income, utility of that flattens out, passion always grows over time.

Secondly, you want to take a job near your home. The thing we most hate in our day-to-day life is our car commute, so minimising that.

The third thing, and probably the biggest determinant of whether or not you like your job, is if you have a best friend at work, and that comes from two million Gallup surveys. And you start asking yourself, well, how do I get a best friend at work?

…keep reading the full & original article HERE