If you think weight loss will bring you more happiness, try this instead…

In the early days of any New Year many people will be working on resolutions and goals that ultimately, they hope will bring them more happiness and success.

And one of the more common goals, supposed to bring more happiness, is weight loss.

But what if losing weight wasn’t the best way to bring about more happiness? What if something else would make you happier?

Well, according to this new research, “body acceptance” is probably a better way to go…

via PsychCentral by Traci Pederson

A new study at Florida State University (FSU) has strong advice if you want to enjoy greater mental and physical health this New Year: Lose the critical thoughts about your body.

Researchers witnessed dramatic results as they tested a new intervention primarily focused on body acceptance. The findings show that discarding your unattainable body ideals improves your mood, self-esteem, reduces disordered eating behaviors and may reduce the risk of self-injurious behavior.

“Consider what is really going to make you happier and healthier in 2018: losing 10 pounds or losing harmful attitudes about your body?” said FSU Professor Dr. Pamela Keel.

“There’s a big gap between what we’re shown as being ideal and what to aspire to and where we actually are as a population. That leaves people feeling bad about themselves, and, unfortunately, feeling bad about your body does not actually motivate a person to pursue healthy behavior,” she said.

Keel has spent her career researching body-image issues, and in particular, how they relate to eating disorders. She has found that body dissatisfaction is a pervasive problem in American culture, especially among young women…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Lessons from neuroscience about how to quite bad habits…

It’s time for New Year Resolutions.

It’s time to set goals around happiness and health and wellbeing and success.

But to enjoy happiness and all these other desirable accomplishments, as well as starting new programs many of us need to stop old ones; to bread bad habits; and this is how…

via Eric Barker

Got any serious bad habits? The extra-strength ones with the FDA warning. The kind you really beat yourself up about — but still engage in all the time?

Procrastination that screws up the quality of your work? Epic tidal waves of laziness? Or cardiac-threatening levels of overwork? Snapping at the ones you love? Or not speaking up even when you know you should?

We’re going to turn everything you know about bad habits on its head. For starters, here’s the good news: you’re not lazy, you’re not a screw up, and you’re not a bad person. In fact, you don’t actually have “bad habits” at all. Those tempting or nagging voices in your head aren’t evil. Actually, they’re trying to help you.

Yeah, I know: I have a lot of ‘splaining to do. But before it all makes sense, we’ll need to wade into a bit more crazy. Pixar films, neuroscience, multiple personalities, mindfulness, “Fight Club”, and boatloads of you talking to yourself like you’re nuts…

Yes, weird, but totally legit. In fact, there’s a whole system of psychology based around this: Internal Family Systems (IFS.) It’s been shown to help people with everything under the sun from depression, to anxiety, eating disorders, addictions, and even some of the most serious stuff like PTSD.

From Internal Family Systems Skills Training Manual:

In the IFS Complex Trauma Study, only one subject out of 13 still qualified for a diagnosis of PTSD after finishing 16 weeks of IFS therapy.

This is a system that can help you overcome almost any bad behavior, deal with deep-seated issues and even help you love yourself a bit more.

We’re going deep here. Warning: we’re entering “the therapy zone.” It’s gonna get touchy-feely and a little awkward. I’m often skeptical of this kinda stuff myself. But when something works, it works.

Alright, hold my inner child’s hand and we’ll do this together. Let’s get to it…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

3 Quick Questions for a Simpler and Happier 2018

“New Year’s eve is like every other night; there is no pause in the march of the universe, no breathless moment of silence among created things that the passage of another twelve months may be noted; and yet no man has quite the same thoughts this evening that come with the coming of darkness on other nights”
Hamilton Wright Mabie

This year is coming to an end. Just a couple more days to go.

But before we step through that doorway I’d like to quickly share one last article with 3 of my favorite questions of all time that can help you shape 2018 into 365 days that will be simpler, happier and self-kinder.

Stay safe, enjoy your New Year’s celebration and see you next year!

1. Is this useful?

It’s very easy to spend a lot of time on things that do not really matter much. To spend hours, days or even weeks on being angry at someone, replaying a mistake or failure in one’s mind or to dwell on something negative and feeling more and more like a victim.

So I try to ask myself this question as often as I can to question and confront my own thoughts.  To catch myself and to wake myself up when I get stuck in negative thought loops going round and round.

By doing so I:

• Suffer less.
• Waste less time on going round in circles.
• Spend more of my time on finding a practical solution.

2. What is one very small step I can take right now to get the ball rolling?

This is my favorite question for when I want to get started with something or if I want to get going again with something that have fallen to the side for some reason.

Because it makes things easier. Makes them feel lighter.

This question prevents me from trying to escape into procrastination and helps me to avoid the side-effects of that such as sinking self-esteem and simply a lot of time being wasted on trying to hide.

3. Will this matter in 5 years? Or even 5 weeks?

This one helps me to simplify.

To let go.

To not make a mountain out of a molehill.

To find the healthier and happier perspective.

To not lose my focus and energy to crippling worries.

To find a lightness in life where I do not have to carry around 5 tons of unnecessary mental baggage.

It is a truly wonderful question.

Instead of answers, here are some questions…

Too often, those of us looking for happiness and success believe we need to find answers.

And that’s not an entirely incorrect strategy.

But sometimes, the success and happiness we’re looking for comes from asking the right questions. And here are 50 great ones to start asking now…

via Inc.com by Marla Tabaka

With the dawn of every New Year, pledges are made by hopefuls everywhere to do or change something big in their life and business. Most of these commitments are shelved or forgotten altogether soon after we ring in that very same New Year.

“Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”
–Carl Jung

An annual attempt at implementing meaningful change isn’t the answer. It’s a commitment to continual, deep levels of introspection that brings successful, happy people to the top. If you want results, begin with what’s on the inside instead of pushing to control what’s on the outside.

The questions below will get you started. I promise you, the discoveries (if you dig deep and are honest with yourself) can lead you to meaningful change and the things you want most in life.

1.     What is my ideal definition of success?

2.     Is this definition well-rounded, to include all of the important aspects of my life?

3.     What are my top three values and how do they apply to my business?

4.     Do I factor in these values when I make business and personal decisions?

5.     Do I feel good about the way I treat the most important people in my life?

6.     Do I feel and express enough gratitude and appreciation for what I have?

7.     Is my stress level too high?

8.     What are three things I can do regularly to reduce stress? What stops me from doing them?

9.     What do I most often choose to ignore?

10.  What are three things I want to pay closer attention to in 2018?

…keep reading the full & original article and list HERE

Beat stress (and even insomnia) and improve your health with this 60-second breathing technique

via Inc.com by Minda Zetlin

You know that getting a good night’s sleep is vitally important for your mental and physical health, mood, and even your brain function. But what if you just can’t fall asleep? We all have trouble sleeping at times in our lives, and for some people, it’s a constant battle.

But there’s a simple and amazingly powerful tool that will not only help you sleep, it will steady you in times of stress, help you cope with cravings and other bad impulses, and help you avoid reacting badly when things upset you. Over time, it can help with digestion, lower your heart rate, and lower your blood pressure. And it only takes about a minute to do.

The exercise is called 4-7-8 breath, and it’s a form of the ancient yoga practice of breath control (pranayama). It was popularized in this country by Andrew Weil, M.D., who says it’s more effective for controlling anxiety than anti-anxiety medications.

Here’s how to do 4-7-8 breathing:

1. Begin by exhaling all the air in your lungs.

2. Place the tip of your tongue on the roof of your mouth, right where the ridge of flesh meets your two upper front teeth. Keep your tongue there through the entire exercise, even when you’re exhaling. 

3. Breathe in for a count of 4. Hold your breath for a count of 7. Breathe out with a whooshing sound for a count of 8.

4. Repeat the entire cycle four times…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

What if you could improve your whole life with one simple change? Because you can…

Happiness and success often seem a long way off and highly complicated goals to achieve.

But what if happiness and success and everything you want could be achieved with one simple change? Because they can! Here’s how you can enjoy enjoy more happiness and a better life by building keystone habits…

via Quartz by Louis Chew

Michael Phelps is the most decorated Olympian of all time.

He has won 28 medals in multiple swim categories and still holds several world records even though he has retired. His 80-inch wingspan and flexible ankles make him naturally predisposed to swimming—perhaps even more so than walking on land.

The talent is undeniable.

But the less told story is how his life has been built on a few habits that were intentionally inculcated into him. His swimming coach, Bob Bowman, knew Phelps could be great, but to become a champion, he needed habits that would make him the strongest mental swimmer in the pool.

Fast forward to the 2008 Olympics and Bowman was proven right. Phelps would be the first person to win eight medals in a single Olympics. When asked about how Phelps prepared, Bowman had this to say:

“If you were to ask Michael what’s going on in his head before competition, he would say he’s not really thinking about anything. He’s just following the program. But that’s not right. It’s more like his habits have taken over. The stretches went like he planned. The warm-up laps were just like he visualized. His headphones are playing exactly what he expected.”

What most people viewed as tedious, Bowman saw as vital and indispensable. He goes on to explain, “The actual race is just another step in a pattern that started earlier that day and has been nothing but victories. Winning is a natural extension.”

The power of keystone habits

Habits make actions and outcome predictable. When the body is on autopilot, you can perform regardless of the environment you’re put in. That certainly matters if you’re Phelps or competing at the highest level…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

If you’d like to return to work after the holidays actually feeling refreshed well, here’s how…

via Harvard Business Review by Matt Plummer

We are told the winter holidays are supposed to be a magical time of deep connection with loved ones, good meals, warm fires, and gift-giving. And yet, for many of us, the winter holidays don’t live up to our expectations, because we don’t know how to strike the right balance between rest and productivity.

While it can be tough to find that balance – especially if our in-laws, spouses, friends, and even bosses have strong opinions for how we should spend our holidays – there are some ways you can get what you need this holiday season. It’s not too late.

The last week of the year offers a special opportunity to rest, reflect on the past year, and prepare for the year ahead. To understand how to recapture this opportunity and make our holidays both restful and productive, it’s important to first understand our tendencies. Among working professionals, we have found that there are three types of “holiday time misusers.”

What is your default holiday mode?

Couch Potato: After couch potatoes send their last work email before the holidays, they flip the off switch and sink into complete disengagement. Their only goal for the holidays – and it’s less of a goal and more of an involuntary compulsion – is to see how many full seasons of TV shows they can binge watch. While they expect to come to the end of their holidays refreshed by this extreme inactivity, they instead often feel frustrated and unprepared. They typically ask themselves: “What did I do that whole time?” and find it difficult to answer.

Why is it that a couch potato holiday feels so unsatisfying when it appears to be so relaxing? The reason is that while you do need some time to disengage from productive activities, you also have a host of other needs that you have been neglecting for the last several months that aren’t replenished by “vegging out.” You need meaningful social interaction (sorry, watching Netflix with your significant other doesn’t count), physical activity, and active contemplation, among other things…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

A simple solution to remove conflict from you life

Conflict is a normal part of life.

But conflict can also eat away at your life and … your happiness.

Some conflict can be eliminated, or reduced, and by doing so … happiness can be enhanced.

So if you’d like to have less conflict in your life then check out this great advice…

via Inc.com by Ari Zoldan

Conflicts. Arguments. Frustrations. Even for all the toughies out there, fighting with companions is never fun. Interpersonal struggles, no matter how minor, are destructive and can eventually come to erode relationships. It happens in marriage, in the workplace, and between friends.

But what if you could learn a secret insight that would change your entire outlook? What if you could discover the reason why conflict arises, and never have to face it again?

How Conflict Arises

When people live, work, or interact in shared domains, there are natural unsaid expectations. Bosses, for example, expect their employees to perform highly. Employees, on the other hand, would like their bosses to be appreciative and understanding of their workloads.

However, people often lose sight. In the employer-employee relationship, a common scenario is the following: bosses, seeing that their workers are not performing well according to their expectations, become overbearing and demanding. In response, the employees become bitter and resentful. In an unhappy environment, results are less than satisfactory, and both sides are at a loss.

But according to the Arbinger Institute‘s bestseller Leadership and Self-Deception, there is a psychological factor at play here…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Finding the holiday season stressful? These tips should help…

Happy holidays.

Well, they’re supposed to be happy, anyway.

And for many people the festive season, including Xmas and New Year, are often filled with happiness and joy.

But for some, they’re not. For some, rather than happiness and pleasure the festive season is filled with stress and strain. If that’s you, then these tips should provide some relief…

via Inc.com by Elisa Boxer

It’s that time of year again. As if we weren’t stressed out already, here comes November with family gatherings, disrupted routines, travel tie-ups and holiday hype. Try as we might to focus on the season of giving and gratitude, tensions can run high and patience can wear thin.

While the holiday season can seem like a challenging time to stay present, the fact that external factors seem so out of control actually makes this a perfect season to practice mindfulness.

Whether you’re struggling to stay sane at the Thanksgiving table, or navigating conflicts with difficult co-workers, here are three science-backed ways to help you stave off holiday stress:

1. Mindful eating

I’ll admit, years ago when my mindfulness teacher had me chew on a raisin for a full three minutes, I felt foolish. But the exercise showed me just how little attention I was paying to my food. It’s so easy to rush through meals or snacks. And often we pay attention to whatwe’re eating, but not how.

So try this: The next time you eat something, tune in and notice the flavors and textures. Chew slowly. Try keeping the food in your mouth for a full minute. Notice how the texture of the food changes the longer you chew.

You can even try picking up food with your non-dominant hand, which increases focus and awareness by activating both brain hemispheres.

Mindfulness is all about paying attention to how things feel in the present moment, and studies show mindful eating decreases stress and increases well-being. So whether you’re sitting down to a holiday party, a work lunch, a family gathering, or snacking in your office, taking the time to slow down and eat mindfully can ease anxiety by bringing you back to the here and now…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Maintaining your mental health at Christmas time

Check out my latest article for HIF’s Healthy Lifestyle Blog…

Maintaining your mental health during the Christmas or Festive Season shouldn’t be, in reality, any different to maintaining it at any other time of the year.

All year round, to ensure our mental health stays strong and positive, we should:

• Engage in regular exercise
• Eat a full and nutritious diet
• Relax and meditate often
• Be mindful of unhelpful thoughts, and manage them as best we can
• Foster and develop constructive thoughts, and use them well
• Acknowledge and accept all emotions, for what they are and what they’re telling us
• Set and work towards meaningful goals
• Create a life of meaning and purpose
• Keep in touch with family and friends, staying connected to those who’re important
• And be grateful and appreciative, focusing more on what we have and less on what we don’t have

That being said, there are a few specific challenges that arise during this special time of the year and so in addition to all that’s listed above, application of the following tips would be well worth considering…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

How to Deal with the Holiday Stress: 5 Timeless Tips

“May you have warmth in your igloo, oil in your lamp, and peace in your heart!”
Eskimo proverb

The holidays are upon us.

A time of needed relaxation and more time with the people closest to us.

A time of stress and worries. A time of not all the joy you may have hoped for or been promised by upbeat advertising and movies.

It can be a time of mixed feelings.

So today I would like to share 5 powerful and timeless tips that can help you to make these holidays a more joyful and peaceful time.

1. Slow down.

“For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.”
Lily Tomlin

First, slow down. Even if it may feel silly and if you have to force it a bit. Slow down your body, move and walk slowly.

Breathe slower and more deeply with your belly (and focus on doing just that for two minutes and see what happens).

Slow down your eating (this will not only help you to relax, it will also help you to not eat too much during the holidays since it takes about 20 minutes for your brain to register that you are full).

Slow it all down and pay attention to what you are doing. Be here now and focus on doing just one thing at a time. By slowing down, by being here now, by not having your focus split between many things you – your body and your mind – start to relax.

2. Appreciate the little things instead of focusing on perfection.

“Nobody can be uncheered with a balloon.”
Winnie the Pooh

Daily happiness is to a large part about appreciating the small things. If you just allow yourself to be happy when accomplishing a big goal or when everything lines up just perfectly then you are making life harder than it needs to be.

Instead, focus on appreciating things that you may take for granted.

Take two minutes and find things in your life you can appreciate now. If you want a handful of suggestions, here are a few of the things that I like to appreciate around the holidays:

• All the tasty food.
• My health.
• My family and friends.
• That I have a roof and a warm home as the snow is falling and the cold winds are blowing.
• The beautiful wintery landscapes.

3. Give a bit of joy to someone else.

“Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give.”
Eleanor Roosevelt

This may sound like an empty cliché but it surely works. One of the best ways to become happier is simply to make others happier.

When you make someone else happy you can sense, see, feel and hear it. And that happy feeling flows back to you.

And since the Law of Reciprocity is strong there is another upside. People will feel like giving back to you. Or like paying it forward to someone else.

And so the two (or more) of you keep building an upward spiral of for example positivity, of helping out, of cheering up and of lending a listening ear and support.

4. Focus on what is most valuable.

“You can never get enough of what you don’t need to make you happy.”
Eric Hoffer

“Joy is not in things; it is in us.”
Benjamin Franklin

Instead of focusing on a lot of things focus on what is most important and valuable to you.

If you still have Christmas gifts to buy then instead of giving away a lot of expensive stuff it may be better to give one thing that the person you are giving it to will truly appreciate.

Or maybe you could skip giving a physical thing altogether. And instead give away an experience that will become a special day and cherished memory for him or her or for the two of you.

However you choose to go about things over the holidays make it YOUR choices as best you can and not a bunch of shoulds that mostly make you feel deflated.

5. Just accept how you feel right now.

“We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.”
Carl Jung

Maybe you try some of the tips above. And they still can’t help you to shake that negativity, worries or stress you are carrying around. I would then suggest that you just accept that the feeling is there.

Tell yourself: This is how I feel right now and I accept it.

This might sound counter-intuitive and like you are giving up. However, by accepting how you feel instead of resisting it you reduce the emotional energy that you are feeding into this conflict or problem.

And it then tends to lose speed like a car that runs out of fuel. Sometimes the problem or conflict will then become so weak that it just moves out of your mind.

By accepting what is you have now freed up energy and your attention so your mind can become more level-headed, open and constructive once again. And you can see more clearly and take focused action towards a solution.

6 tips for making emotionally intelligent friendships

If there’s one thing that will boost and maintain health and happiness it’s probably friendships.

Happy people have both more and better quality relationships.

It follows, therefore, that to create more happiness and wellbeing creating more quality friendships is key. And here’s how…

via Eric Barker

We all want good, close friends. Problem is, while high school sure had gym class, it didn’t have “Emotional Intelligence 101.”

So what part of emotional intelligence is critical for friendships? Emotional intimacy.

From Breaking the Male Code: Unlocking the Power of Friendship:

Sociologist Ray Pahl states that friendships today are based primarily on trust and emotional intimacy.

So what is emotional intimacy?

From Breaking the Male Code: Unlocking the Power of Friendship:

Emotional intimacy is the experience of being deeply connected to another person who knows and understands your most important feelings and who shares his or her own with you.

Yeah, that sounds nice but it’s still at Hallmark Card levels of pleasant vagueness. So we can probably recognize the concept better by looking at its opposite.

From Breaking the Male Code: Unlocking the Power of Friendship:

If there were a label for this problem in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, it might read something like “Emotional Intimacy Deficiency—a problem characterized by a sense of shallowness in one’s relationships with others, associated with a failure to recognize or express feelings, to reveal personal details about oneself, to be vulnerable or let anyone help you, to comfortably share attention or let go of control, and to listen without having to solve a problem.”

This won’t shock you at all, but research shows men are far worse at this than women. Both sexes can certainly struggle, but this is a department where men really lag behind.

And that causes a lot of problems for men. Serious problems. Not just unfulfilling relationships — it’s more akin to a chronic emotional illness that affects every area of life.

From Breaking the Male Code: Unlocking the Power of Friendship:

(Men who lack emotional intimacy) take longer to recover from minor illnesses, have lower resistance levels, and have reduced survival times when diagnosed with terminal illness. They are 50 percent more likely to have a first-time heart attack, and twice as likely to die from it, than men with strong social ties. When depressed, these men have significantly lower rates of recovery than those who have close relationships… Wives who cite their husband’s “emotional unavailability” as the primary cause of divorce initiate two out of every three divorces today. At the far end of the life cycle, older men without close relationships have 20 percent lower ten-year survival rates compared with those who do.

That said, women’s friendships aren’t perfect either. We’re going to dive into the research and see the most common ways both sexes struggle with friendship, what they can do about it, and how they can learn from each other to improve.

So how do you increase emotional intimacy and build emotionally intelligent friendships? It comes down to six steps. Let’s get to it…

1) “Know Thyself”

The thing everybody skips. Knowing yourself means you know what you want and need, and this is critical for both picking new friends and strengthening existing relationships.

How many friends would you optimally have? What level of closeness do you need? How frequently do you want to communicate? You want to ask yourself, “What features of a friendship will be most fulfilling to me in the long run?”

Research shows this is critical for women. We live in a world largely run by men, so women know they need close friendships to provide the things their often male-dominated-environments don’t give them.

From Buddy System:

By forming relationships with a group of women, women escape having their relationships defined by men’s way of interacting. By defining relationships for themselves, women are able to construct them in a way that is more consistent with their own beliefs.

So take some time to think about what you want and need. (No, that 2 seconds between sentences doesn’t count. Really sit down and take a half hour and think. And write stuff down.)

If you just rely on serendipity to bring you friendships and to move them forward, well, that’s what got you where you are now. Time to be a little more deliberate.

(To learn more about the science of a successful life, check out my new book here.)

So before we go to work on developing emotional intimacy, let’s find out what’s been getting in the way of it. In the modern world, what’s the biggest obstacle to adult friendships?

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Here’s what science has worked out about how to stay sharp as you age…

Whether we like it or not, we all age.

But what we’d all like is to hold on to health and happiness as we age.

Just as important as health and happiness, however, is mental clarity. So if you want to stay healthy AND happy AND cognitively sharp then keep reading…

via Business Insider by Erin Brodwin

• Scientists are fascinated by a rare group of people known as super-agers — people over age 80 who retain certain cognitive abilities that are similar to people in their 50s.
• Previous research on super-agers found differences in the sizes of certain areas of their brains.
• A new study found that super-agers also differ in their social networks.

---

So much for not being able to teach an old dog new tricks.

Some older people can remember things just as well as peers who are nearly half their age. Scientists are calling them “super-agers” for their unique ability to stay sharp into old age

Several months ago, researchers discovered at least one physical basis for these differences that has to do with the thickness of the outer layer of the super-agers’ brains.

But in a small study published in October in the journal PLOS One, researchers took a look at whether there was a social side to these differences as well. Sure enough, after studying 31 super-agers over age 80 as well as 19 cognitively average people of the same age, the scientists found that the super-agers tended to have significantly more satisfying, high-quality relationships than their normal peers…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

To make yourself happy, you need to STOP making yourself unhappy!

I write, here, a lot about happiness.

How you can enjoy more happiness, be happier, improve those aspects of your life that will bring about more happiness and positive emotions.

But what’s also important is to consider what you might be doing to make yourself UNhappy!

Unhappiness can undo happiness.

Certain bad habits and qualities can undermine lots of good work.

So today I share with you two articles that I hope will raise you awareness not just about what TO DO but also about what NOT TO DO …

The first one is titled “8 things you probably do without realising they’re toxic to your mental health” and you can read it at Business Insider HERE

The second article is titled “7 Qualities Of People Who Are Chronically Unhappy” and if you do the opposite of what’s listed you’ll enjoy the benefits. Check it out HERE

Could the secret to happiness be … living like a cat?!?!

via the Evening Standard by Susannah Butter

There’s a new role model in the capital. They have a good work/life balance (with an emphasis on the life part), they always look rested and bright-eyed, and they’ve even managed to negotiate a deal where they live in London but don’t pay rent. They’re universally popular, too. Everybody wants to be a cat.

A new book by French author Stéphane Garnier argues that the secret to happiness and success is living like your cat. Garnier undertook extensive research for his manual, immersing himself in the life of his own cat, Ziggy (they live on a houseboat in Lyon together). Here’s how to do it.

Delegate

Cats don’t make their own tea, do their own printing or have to make their own PowerPoints for meetings. Instead, they carve out time for themselves, outsourcing the minutiae of life, like getting food and paying the bills, to humans. This makes the humans feel important — they are indispensable to someone else’s life. You can recreate this at work. Too often, managers fall into the trap of constantly checking the work of their employees. The result is wasted time,  loss of autonomy for employees and too much work for the boss. A cat would never do this…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

As parents prepare to give presents to their kids; here are 10 things that are far more important!

Happiness; every parent wants it for their kids.

But happiness; is not always what we give them.

With the festive season nigh upon us, many parents will be wrapping all manner of gifts for their offspring to enjoy.

And that’s fine.

But if happiness and success is really your goal, for you and for them, then don’t forget these 10 things…

via Inc.com by Jeff Haden

Think about someone who made you believe in yourself — someone who saw more in you than you believed was possible.

How did they inspire you to stop settling and start reaching for what is possible?

They gave. They gave generously. They gave selflessly. And they didn’t expect anything in return. Instead, they helped you because it made them happy to watch you succeed.

That’s what great parents do. They want their kids to be successful — and happy.

That’s why great parents …

1. Provide consistent praise.

Everyone does something well. That’s why everyone deserves praise and appreciation.

It’s easy to recognize people who do great things — they’re doing great things. (Of course it’s very possible that consistent praise is one of the reasons they’ve become great.) It’s much harder to find reasons to praise a child who simply meets your expectations.

But that’s why it’s so important to try. A few words of recognition — especially when that recognition is given publicly– could be just the nudge your child needs.

Try hard to see the good in kids — and not just yours — before they see it in themselves. You might just provide the spark that helps them reach their true potential.

2. Display extraordinary patience.

Showing patience is a great way to let people know we truly care about them. Showing patience and expressing genuine confidence is an extraordinary way to let our children know we truly believe in them.

Showing patience is a genuine gift — because, ultimately, showing patience shows how much you care.

3. Are quick to forgive.

When a child makes a mistake — especially a major mistake — it’s easy to start to view him or her through the perspective of that mistake. (I’ve definitely done that.)

But one mistake, or one weakness, is just one part of the whole person.

Want to be a great parent? Step back, set aside the mistake, and think about the whole child. Viewing any person through the lens of just one incident may forever impact how you treat that person.

To forgive may be divine, but to forget can be even more divine…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

End of the year stressing you out? Try this 60 second breathing technique…

Happiness…it should be part of this festive time of the year for everyone.

But happiness…can be elusive when busy-ness and stress take over with end of year deadlines and other worries.

So if you’re struggling and want more happiness, now or any time, then try this simple but powerful strategy…

via Inc.com by Minda Zetlin

You know that getting a good night’s sleep is vitally important for your mental and physical health, mood, and even your brain function. But what if you just can’t fall asleep? We all have trouble sleeping at times in our lives, and for some people, it’s a constant battle.

But there’s a simple and amazingly powerful tool that will not only help you sleep, it will steady you in times of stress, help you cope with cravings and other bad impulses, and help you avoid reacting badly when things upset you. Over time, it can help with digestion, lower your heart rate, and lower your blood pressure. And it only takes about a minute to do.

The exercise is called 4-7-8 breath, and it’s a form of the ancient yoga practice of breath control (pranayama). It was popularized in this country by Andrew Weil, M.D., who says it’s more effective for controlling anxiety than anti-anxiety medications.

Here’s how to do 4-7-8 breathing…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

5 Powerful Steps to Help You to Let Go and Feel Less Pain

“Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.”
Herman Hesse

“One problem with gazing too frequently into the past is that we may turn around to find the future has run out on us.”
Michael Cibenko

I often write about finding lightness in life.

It can come from an unhurried but effective day at work.

It can come from uncluttering and simplifying both your home and life.

Or from letting go of distractions or huge mental burdens (that can also become physical as stress and worries pile up).

Learning to let go of something in your past, of something that is just an unimportant distraction or of trying to control what you cannot control can free up huge amounts of the energy and the time you have to use for something better and more fulfilling.

It is not always easy. But it can be life-changing.

In this article you can find five steps that have made it easier for me to let go over the years.

I hope they will help you too.

Step 1: Know the benefits of not letting go.

Why is it sometimes hard to let go of something?

Well, to be honest, there are advantages and benefits to not letting go. At least for instant gratification and in the short run.

• You get to keep feeling like you are right. And like the other person is wrong. And that can be a pleasant feeling and way to look at the situation at hand.
• You can assume the victim role. And get attention, support and comfort from other people.
• You don’t have to go out into the scary unknown. You can cling to what you know instead, to what is familiar and safe even if it’s now just a dream of what you once had.

I have not let go of things in the past because of these reasons. I still sometimes delay letting go of things because of those benefits above.

But I am also conscious of the fact that they are something I get out of not letting go. And I know that in the end they are not worth it.

Because…

• What will the long-term consequences be in my life if I do not let go?
• How will it affect the next 5 years in my life and the relationships I have with other people and with myself?

The mix of knowing how those benefits will hurt me in the long run and of knowing that there are even bigger benefits that I can get from letting go become a powerful motivator that pushes me on to let go for my own sake and happiness.

Step 2: Accept what is, then let go.

When you accept what is, that this has happened then it becomes easier to let go.

Why?

Because when you’re still struggling in your mind against what has happened then you feed that memory or situation with more energy. You make what someone said or did even bigger and more powerful in your mind than it might have been in reality.

By accepting that it simply has happened and letting it in instead of trying to push it away something odd happens after a while.

The issue or your memory of the situation becomes less powerful in your mind. You don’t feel as upset or sad about it as you did before. You become less emotionally attached it.

And so it becomes easier to let go and for you to move on with your life.

Step 3: Forgive.

If someone wrongs you then it will probably cause you pain for a while.

But after that you have a choice. You can refuse to let go of what happened. And instead let it interfere with your relationship and replay what happened over and over in your mind.

Or you can choose to forgive.

First accepting what happened can be helpful to make it easier to forgive.

Another thing you can do is not to focus on forgiving because it is “something you’re supposed to do”.

Instead, if you like, find the motivation to forgive for you own sake. Do it for your own well-being, happiness and for the time you have left in your life.

Because, as Catherine Ponder says:

“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.”

And that you forgive does not mean that you have to stay passive towards your future. You may for example choose to forgive but also to spend less time or no time in the future with someone who has hurt you.

Step 4: Focus on what you CAN influence in your life.

By reliving what happened over and over in your mind you aren’t really changing anything. Unless you have a time-machine you don’t have any control over the past.

And being distracted or worried by things that you cannot control in your life in any way right now is a waste of energy.

So ask yourself:

• What CAN I focus my time and energy on instead to actually make positive progress or a change in my life?
• And what is one small step I can take today to get started with that?

My experience has been that by switching my focus from what I cannot influence to what I actually have influence over and by doing that over and over again – by using questions like the ones above – it becomes easier and easier to stop worrying and to let go of what has happened or what I cannot control.

Step 5: Let go again (if necessary).

If you let go of something that happened or some distraction in your life then that might not be the end of it.

Life is not always that neat. The issue or distraction might pop up again.

Then let it go once more.

I have found that each time I let something go it pops up less and less frequently and it has less power over me.

Plus, this extra practice will make it easier to let go in the future. Letting go is something you’ll get better at over time just like for example keeping an optimistic mindset during tough times.

This chart shows at what age you’ll be happiest

via Big Think by Philip Perry 

There are many points of view on what exactly happiness is. Is it being successful, having close friends and a loving family, long stretches of contentment, or reaching your own life goals? If you define it as contentment with life, you may be surprised at what age(s) most people find it. There’s often more than one peak. According to a series of seven surveys recently digested and charted, most people are happiest around age 20.

Happiness drops down from then on, reaching its lowest point in middle-age, only to rise again around retirement. The results of this sweeping evaluation were published in a report by the National Bureau of Economic Research. 1.3 million randomly selected people from 51 different countries, took part in one of seven surveys. These included the General Social Survey taken by 54,000 Americans, the Understanding Society survey taken by 416,000 British, and the European Social Survey taken by 316,000 Europeans, from 32 different countries.

Respondents were asked questions about their psychological health and well-being. All participants were between the ages of 20 and 90. When examining the data, researchers took two approaches. The first was straightforward and the second accounted for other influences, such as income and health. People were asked in two different ways about their level of contentment. In one, they were asked if they were happy or unhappy, and in the other, their level of life satisfaction.

Researchers took a large cross-section from each survey and compared happiness and life-satisfaction, using both evaluation methods. With each and across seven data sets, they received the same result, what’s called “a midlife low.” The data formed a U-shaped graph. So far, there’s been no explanation as to why life contentment is shaped like this. Though satisfaction sinks from age 20 onward, things pick up again around 50, and throughout retirement and old age people report ever-growing happiness…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

If you like music here’s some good news … it can make you a better person!

As a lover of happiness AND a lover of music, it makes me very happy to learn that listening to the right type of music can make me a better person.

Interested?

Want to be better and happier?

Then read on…

via Inc.com by Jessica Stillman

We tend to think of ethics as a matter of character. You do or do not do bad things because of the type of person you are. But science actually shows that circumstances and surroundings (even quite trivial details of our surroundings) can have an outsize impact on the choices we make.

That’s handy for leaders to know if they want to nudge their people to do the right thing, but it’s also a revelation for individuals. The world does not always make it easy to maintain a loving and generous attitude towards others. Most of us would gladly accept a helping hand when it comes to becoming a kinder, better person. And according to science, musicoffers just that.

We all know that music can affect our mood — pumping us up before a big event, helping us get in the productivity zone, or providing a soothing soundtrack to our lowest moments – but a stack of recent studies also shows music can affect us on an even deeper level, making us more generous and empathetic, and less biased, reports Summer Allen in Greater Good Magazine.

1. Uplifting anthems make people nicer.

From Michael Jackson’s “Heal the World” to the Black Eyed Peas’ “Where Is the Love?”, we all love to belt out uplifting anthems about building a better world, but one Austrian study found these feel-good tunes actually put people in a “prosocial” frame of mind, influencing their behavior for the better.

Study subjects who had recently listened to this type of music were more likely to come up with positive word associations, give money to charity, and help out when a researcher pretended to accidentally drop their belongings. “When you tell someone to heal the world through song lyrics it appears as if they’re actually more likely to try,” Allen concludes…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Want to be happier this festive season? Be generous!

Happiness…so often misunderstood.

Happiness…so often mistaken for getting all we want.

But real happiness…actually comes more from giving; and being generous; as this research proves –

via Psychology Today by Robert Puff

For centuries, spiritual leaders and philosophers have viewed generosity as the key to happiness. “There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up,” wrote John Holmes, the late poet and critic. However, the link between happiness and generosity is no longer just a theory. A University of Zurich study offers scientific proof that generous behavior can give you a happier life…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

An alternative to setting New Year Resolutions

At this time of year many of us turn our attention to setting new goals for the new year.

This is a great idea, as we know that having something to look forward to, working towards meaningful accomplishments and ultimately achievement all contribute to happiness.

And who doesn’t want more happiness in 2018!

But there is at least one other thing to consider; and one thing that might add even more to your 2017/2018 happiness…

via Business Insider by Jessica Stillman

• Bucket lists are great for reminding you what you want to accomplish. 
• But sometimes they can make you feel overwhelmed and stressed. 
• To combat this, write a “reverse bucket list” — which is just a list of everything you have done already. 
• Reverse bucket lists celebrate what you’ve already achieved, and remind you that it’s possible to accomplish your goals — which will make you feel happier and more motivated. 

Bucket lists are productivity 101. You need to keep a running tally of your dreams, the standard thinking goes, to remind you of what you want in life and to turn up the pressure on yourself to actually make these dreams happen.

Yet as ubiquitous as this advice is, how many of us have joyfully scribbled down a long list of travel destinations, lofty goals, and crazy activities only to end up sticking it in a drawer somewhere and never consulting it again? If anecdotal evidence (and personal experience) is anything to go on, the answer is quite a few.

Writer Anna-Meyer Shine knows why. “While my bucket list inspires me to take initiative, it can also make me feel, well, overwhelmed. Like a shame-y reminder of all the things I haven’t done. It can feel like I have so much left to accomplish — and that any moment I’m not doing something on the list isn’t a moment well spent,” she explained in Fast Company recently.

What’s the antidote to the creeping stress that can come from keeping a long list of things you haven’t done yet? Meyer-Shine and a bunch of other writers have a simple suggestion: Have a bucket list if you want, but also write a “reverse bucket list.”

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Don’t use these “reasons” to give up on your dreams!

It’s important to be realistic.

But it’s also important, for our happiness and wellbeing…to have dreams!

But too many of us give up on our dreams, for a variety of reasons, and thus never enjoy as much happiness as we could.

Check out these common reasons and make sure they don’t stop you…

via Inc.com by Nicolas Cole

It’s a sad truth in life that the vast majority of people give up on their dreams.

Sometimes it happens early. A kid is told by his or her parents that whatever they’re aiming for is impossible to reach.

Sometimes it happens later. You get older, tired, and instead of trying to pivot once more, you decide to throw in the towel for good.

It’s sad when a dream dies. And more often than not, it dies far too soon.

If you don’t believe me, just ask those around you whether or not they’re creative–or what the last creative thing they’ve done was.

Most will say they’re not creative at all.

Many will actually try to convince you how not-creative they are.

And the majority haven’t worked on something creative in years.

Why? Because creativity is what’s linked to dreams, to imagination, to exploration.

Here are 20 sad reasons most people give up on themselves:

1. They fear being judged by those they care about for failing.

Fear of failure, in itself, is debilitating. But that fear is almost always rooted in fear of rejection or judgment from those around them.

What you need to separate is everyone else’s fears (within themselves) and your own feelings. The two are not the same.

2. They give others the power to influence their decisions.

Instead of asking, “What is it that I truly want?” most people give that power to others.

Their parents. Their friends. Their boss.

But fast-forward 10, 20, 30 years. Will you really care what those people thought?

You have to make decisions for yourself.

3. They fail once–and never try again.

If you stop walking, how do you expect to get to where you want to go?

Once isn’t a good judge of your potential. Twice isn’t either. 100 times is still not enough.

It’s a journey. You can never “try” too many times…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Psychological defence mechanisms – the good and the bad

Defence mechanisms can protect us against psychological harm.

Which is a good thing – and which can allow us to enjoy more happiness.

But some defence mechanisms can backfire; causing more harm than good.

Which is not such a good thing – and which can detract from our happiness.

Check out this great article outlining which strategies are more and less helpful…

via Inc.com by J.T. O’Donnell

Everyone has coping skills. We call them defense mechanisms. You need them. Especially, if you work in a place that has a lot of stress. Now, research shows the maturity level of our defense mechanisms can have a huge impact on our success in life – and that includes our career.

Well-Developed Defense Mechanisms Make You More Likable
Recent findings from research studies done by the Vaillant lab show more convincingly than ever that having a well-oiled defense mechanism machine can help maintain your physical as well as mental health. The results from the participants showed being able to keep your emotions in check may set the stage for you to have more people who like to be around you. The support you receive from these people, in turn, can help you stay healthier, both mentally and physically, and even add years to your life. And, given a good portion of your life is spent at work, it can be deduced that being likable on the job would be of great benefit – both personally and professionally.

Mature, Intermediate, or Immature…How Evolved Are Your Defense Mechanisms?

The study looked at 12 defense mechanisms used by adults to deal with stressful situations and people and broke them down into three categories. Those that used the “mature” defense mechanisms the most frequently had the greatest well being and success. These good defense mechanisms include…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

How to stay mentally strong (without “positive thinking”)

I’ve written before about how important it is to build mental strength.

We won’t be happy all the time and things don’t go right for us all the time so for more happiness and success in life, mental strength is so important.

But real happiness isn’t all about “positive thinking”.

In fact real happiness is about so much more than just positive thinking and mentally strong people do think optimistically BUT they also do this one, important thing…

via Inc.com by Amy Morin

There’s a lot to be said for the power of positive thinking. Believing in yourself and looking on the bright side can help you get through some of life’s toughest challenges.

But, being too optimistic is harmful.  It can actually do more harm than good.

While I definitely spend more time helping people reframe their negative thoughts in my psychotherapy office–people with anxiety or depression tend to dwell on the negative or underestimate their ability to persevere–there are times when I have to address overly positive thoughts too.

Someone launching a new endeavor might say, “I know I’m going to make it big,” or an individual starting a new job says, “This is so easy I don’t even need any training.” That way of thinking can be a big problem.

The Perils of Being Overly Optimistic

It’s actually easier to help people replace their negative thoughts with healthier statements. Their negative thoughts cause them to feel bad and they want to feel better.

But overly optimistic thoughts make people feel good. And they don’t want anyone to rain on their parade. So they’re more resistant to hearing any logic that may imply things might not be as rosy as they think.

Here are three types of optimistic thoughts that do more harm than good…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

20 simple ways to hack your happiness

via Entrepreneur by Rose Leadem

Happiness, anger, depression, anxiety, excitement — we’ve all experienced each of these emotions before. It’s part of the human condition and how we’re wired. But if we had the option to feel happy 24/7, most of us would probably choose it.

Unfortunately, that’s not exactly how it works. But, what if we were to tell you there are certain things you can do to get you closer to feeling happy all the time? Simple hacks, like taking a walk, planning a vacation and listening to music. That’s right — it’s as easy as that. Even the slightest tweaks and additions to your daily routine can boost your mood, and get you back on track.

So if you’re feeling down, check out the next 20 slides and hack your way to happiness…

…check out ALL the 20 tips HERE

What can we learn from a 93 year old? It turns out, lots…

Happiness is learning … learning from our mistakes and learning from others.

Happiness, then, can be something we observe and then integrate in to our own lives.

And who better to learn happiness from than someone who’s lived a long time and see it all?

via Inc.com 

What life lessons did you learn from your grandparents or other elders in your community?originally appeared on Quora – the place to gain and share knowledge, empowering people to learn from others and better understand the world.

Answer by Eva C. Reder, Co-Founder NomadApp & GrowthMasters, on Quora:

My grandfather Franz was born in 1924, grew up in rural Austria and lived through the Second World War. At only 19 years old and 110 lbs he was sent to war in Russia as one of the smallest and youngest soldiers in his group. He got shot through the shoulder and survived only because the cold Russian winter froze his wound.

The person I got to know is not that miserable 19-year old that got sent to the war in Russia. The person I know is full of life, generous beyond limits, and consistent and reliable like nobody else.

Let me share with you the main three lessons that he has taught me and the habits that have kept him happy, healthy and alive for 93 years.

1) The Power of Discipline and Routines

Day after day for years I would wake up to the gurgling sound of the old well in our backyard. My Opa’s morning routine starts at 7 am by washing himself with ice-cold water from the well. He does that with everything: He eats lunch at 12am every day, cuts wood in the fall, climbs up to the highest branch of the cherry tree in summer and buys the groceries every Tuesday and Friday.

He taught me that greatness doesn’t come from giving in to every single desire you might have in any given moment. Successful people are able to perform out of pure discipline because their WHY is strong enough to keep them going.

He has been exercising his discipline muscle for over 90 years and let me tell you: his habits have compounded and kept him alive.

Why I think this matters: 
In a time when success can basically be reduced to the sum of your habits establishing routines and practicing discipline are key factors in achieving our goals. I, like many of us millennials, have been given everything: great education, world-class health-care, a loving family and financial stability.

There is no excuse to not become successful at whatever goal we set for ourselves.
The number one barrier is ourselves.
Discipline and consistency are the ingredients for success…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

How to Overcome Nervousness: 7 Simple Habits

“Do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.”
Benjamin Franklin

“If I don’t train enough, of course I’m nervous.“
Haile Gebrselassie

It starts with just a little tremble within. Then a pressure builds up.

A hand or foot starts to fidget. Your palms become moist and you start to feel not quite like yourself anymore. The inner calmness you felt has flown out the window.

Nervousness is back, like an old friend you didn’t want to see.

Just in time for that date you had been looking forward to for the past week. Or the important meeting at work or your presentation in school.

So what can you do at this point?

Back down, come up with a poor excuse and cancel (as your self-esteem plummets)? Plow through the meeting or date while being not quite your best self?

It is certainly possible. I have done both.

But an even better approach has in my experience been to find strategies and develop habits that help me to handle this challenge.

Here are 7 of my favorite habits for dealing with and overcoming nervousness.

1. Prepare if possible.

A bit obvious. But doing your preparation in time and not at the last minute and doing the preparation well – without trying to do it perfectly – rather than somewhat sloppily make a big difference.

You’ll feel more sure of yourself and relaxed about what you are about to do.

• If you have an important meeting, do your homework so you know what will or may come up in the meeting.
• If you have a date, perhaps try to think of 2-3 interesting topics/questions to bring up in case the conversational flow hits a stop.
• If you have a job interview, think about what they may ask you and figure out some good answers.

2. Ask yourself: what is the worst that could realistically happen?

This question has helped me many times to calm down and to stop building a mountain out of a molehill.

Because the worst that happened when I was dating was that I had a somewhat awkward date with someone I did not have a good chemistry with. It didn’t lead a second date and sometimes I felt bad for day or two. And that was pretty much it.

But the sky didn’t fall because it is was a bad date. I got up the next morning again and had often learned something good from it.

3. Visualize in a positive way.

It is so easy to get stuck in the usual and habitual negative visualizations in your mind of how a situation will go. And so you get nervous.

Try taking a break from it the next time you are having an upcoming date, party or meeting.

Just this once allow yourself to see things in a positive way.

Here’s how to do it:

• Lie down in your bed or sit down somewhere where it is comfortable. Close your eyes.
• In your mind see how great the situation will unfold – see and hear it – and also how great will you feel at this meeting. See yourself being positive, open and having a wonderful time with a smile on your face. And see the excellent outcome you want in your mind.
• Then release by visualizing that it has already happened, that the meeting is over with the desired result. This is surprisingly effective and will get you into a good, confident and relaxed headspace before even stepping into that conference room, class room or pub.

Try it and see how this exercise works for you. Maybe it becomes something you want keep doing.

4. Slow down and breathe with your belly.

A few minutes before you step into the situation that makes you nervous slow down. Walk slower to the meeting place. Move slower. Even stop for a minute if you like and stand still.

Then breathe through your nose. Take a little deeper breaths than you usually do. Make sure you breathe with your belly. Not with your chest (a common problem when people get stressed or nervous).

Focus on just your slow in- and out-breaths for a minute or two. Only on the air going in and out of your nose.

This will calm you down, make it easier to think normally again and that singular focus can draw you back into this moment again rather than past failures or future worries.

5. Assume rapport in social situations.

After you have slowed down and focused on your breathing I have another good habit if you still feel a bit nervous and you are going into some kind of social situation. This one worked especially well for me when I was single and was dating. And it is also very useful just before any other kind of meeting.

The habit is to assume rapport.

This means that just before you met someone you pretend and think to yourself that you are meeting one of your best friends.

Then you’ll naturally slip into a much more relaxed, comfortable, confident and enjoyable emotional state and frame of mind. In this state of mind the conversation tends to flow more naturally too, without much thinking. Just like with your friends.

This is one of the very best and helpful social habits I have adopted in the past 10 years or so.

6. Remember: people don’t think about you and what you do that much really.

You may feel like everyone is watching, judging and thinking about you a whole lot. And so you get nervous or hold yourself back in life.

But a sobering realization I have had over the years is that people simply don’t care that much about what you do.

Just because you may think a lot about what you do and say doesn’t mean that others do that too. They have their own plate full with doing the same thing as you: focusing on themselves, on their pets and kids and on their own challenges at this moment in time.

This realization may make you feel a little less important. But it also sets you free a bit more to do what you want to do in life.

7. Tell yourself that you are excited.

Harness the nervous energy into something that will help you.

If you cannot minimize the nervousness in some situations by using the tips above then take a different approach.

When the nervousness bubbles up, tell yourself that you are excited about the meeting, presentation etc. This helps you to change perspective on what is happening inside of you and I have found that it helps me to get a boost of enthusiasm and openness for a short while.

So I can go into that meeting with that more helpful mindset and emotional state. And a few minutes into the meeting the excited energy has usually been used in a helpful way and I go back to feeling more relaxed and centered again.

A fun life + a meaningful life = a happy life!

Happiness involves fun.

But real happiness also involves meaning and purpose.

The good news for those of us seeking to create more happiness is that we can have both…

via Eric Barker

Sometimes we all feel anxious. Sometimes lonely or disconnected. Sometimes unhappy, and maybe even a little crazy. You know what might fix all of this?

Would you believe me if I said… a war?

From Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging:

The positive effects of war on mental health were first noticed by the great sociologist Emile Durkheim, who found that when European countries went to war, suicide rates dropped. Psychiatric wards in Paris were strangely empty during both world wars, and that remained true even as the German army rolled into the city in 1940. Researchers documented a similar phenomenon during civil wars in Spain, Algeria, Lebanon, and Northern Ireland. An Irish psychologist named H. A. Lyons found that suicide rates in Belfast dropped 50 percent during the riots of 1969 and 1970, and homicide and other violent crimes also went down. Depression rates for both men and women declined abruptly during that period, with men experiencing the most extreme drop in the most violent districts. County Derry, on the other hand—which suffered almost no violence at all—saw male depression rates rise rather than fall.

Hold on a second before you send me that angry email. I’m not really suggesting war as a solution to any of our emotional ills. God forbid.

But, that said: what the heck is going on here? Wars are supposed to be bad, right?

Why are people feeling less depressed, less crazy, less violent and less suicidal when something we can all agree is horrible and life threatening is happening around them?

Because war and natural disasters force people to unite together. To help others. To act as a community.

From Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging:

“When people are actively engaged in a cause their lives have more purpose… with a resulting improvement in mental health,” Lyons wrote in the Journal of Psychosomatic Research in 1979. “It would be irresponsible to suggest violence as a means of improving mental health, but the Belfast findings suggest that people will feel better psychologically if they have more involvement with their community.”

We need a community to feel good. And community is something we sorely lack in the modern world. Sadly, we often only feel it these days when forced to.

From Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging:

Modern society has perfected the art of making people not feel necessary.

Many of us live alone. We’re often surrounded by strangers rather than family or friends. We communicate by text rather than face to face. We hire a service instead of getting the help of a buddy.

These are new developments in the existence of Homo Sapiens. And while efficient and effective, they don’t contribute to the feeling of community we all need to feel whole. So it’s no surprise that empathy is dropping:

A recent study at the University of Michigan revealed a dramatic decline in empathy levels among young Americans between 1980 and today, with the steepest drop being in the last ten years. The shift, say researchers, is in part due to more people living alone and spending less time engaged in social and community activities that nurture empathic sensitivity.

And when you feel like you don’t belong to a group, health and self-control plummet. If that doesn’t register with you maybe that’s because when you feel disconnected, your IQ drops too:

When people’s sense of social connectedness is threatened, their ability to self-regulate suffers; for instance their IQ performance drops (Baumeister, Twenge, & Nuss, 2002). Feeling lonely predicts early death as much as major health risk behaviors like smoking (Cacioppo & Patrick, 2008).

I know what some people are thinking: But I have friends. Got a bunch of ’em, actually.

That ain’t the issue, Bubba. We’re talking about a community. A group. A band of brothers. A syndicate of sisters. Your fantasy football league. Your sewing circle. Your drug cartel.

But they’re all relationships, right? Maybe the difference isn’t clear. So what’s the difference?

Well, I’m so glad you asked…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Do you hate meditation? No worries. Here are 5 proven relaxation strategies to try!

We all know that meditation has many powerful benefits; it’s associated with more happiness, better health, and even greater work performance.

But meditation doesn’t make everyone happier; because meditation isn’t liked by everyone.

But don’t worry, you can still enjoy happiness and health and wellbeing and more – if you just try these different relaxation techniques…

via Forbes.com by Noma Nazish

Raise your hand if you are feeling overwhelmed by stress right now. Now, raise your hand if you want to make that stress go away without jumping on the meditation bandwagon. I mean, sure, practicing meditation is a great way to calm your mind. In fact, multiple studies have shown that meditation also helps improve sleep, promotes focus, sharpens memory and beefs up your immune system. However, despite a deluge of studies demonstrating the benefits of this age-old practice, meditation isn’t everyone’s cup of tea.

Here are five alternative scientifically-proven methods you can try to calm your mind:

• Coloring: Picking up crayons is as beneficial for adults as it is for preschoolers. Studies suggest that coloring has numerous mental health benefits, from relieving stress and promoting concentration to reducing anxiety. Just like meditation, coloring helps you relax and tune out negative thoughts by focusing on the activity at hand. The repetitive motion of coloring relaxes the amygdala (the almond-shaped fear center of the brain) and engages parts of the cerebral cortex that stimulate creativity and logic…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Happiness can be easy-ish: with these 4 steps

via the New York Times by Tim Herrera

Are you happy?

It’s a question we might ask ourselves here and there when something great (or awful) happens to us. But think about it in a general sense: When was the last time you evaluated your overall happiness and satisfaction with life?

There are so many factors to consider when answering that question that it can feel overwhelming or, even worse, become yet another stressor weighing on your happiness. But it’s a topic that’s ripe for introspection, so we’ve put together the official New York Times guide on how to be happy. In it you’ll find guidance ranging from tips for conquering negative thinking to assessing the effect of marriage on your happiness.

But today we’re going to focus on the four things you can do right now(ish) to improve your happiness. Because you deserve it, friends.

Conquer your negative thinking

Humans have evolved to focus on the negative. If we overlearn a bad situation, we’re more inclined to avoid those situations in the future or react more quickly, writes Tara Parker-Pope in our happiness guide.

But, as we all know, that isn’t always helpful in a modern world. When something bad happens, we tend to overanalyze and have trouble getting our mind off it.

The trick to avoiding those spirals and rabbit holes of misery is to acknowledge and challenge our negative thoughts. Rather than try to bury them, we should own those thoughts and ask ourselves a few questions, like, “What is the evidence for this thought?” or “Am I basing this on facts or on feelings?” A little self-investigation can help us get over the thoughts that just won’t leave our heads otherwise…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

How to make a difference in someone else’s life

As any student of happiness and/or Positive Psychology would know…other people matter.

Because happiness isn’t just about “me”; it’s about you!

So to be happy we need to focus on more than just feeling good; we need to also do good.

And this great article focuses on how to make a difference in the lives of others…

via Inc.com by Jeff Haden

Want to make a huge difference in another person’s life? Make them feel like they belong.

Plenty of people don’t feel like they belong. Take employees. No matter how welcoming and new employee friendly the company, recently hired employees may feel they’re constantly being weighed… and measured… and found wanting. On the flip side, over half of CEOs report feeling lonely in their roles.

So maybe it’s the guy in accounting who always eats lunch alone. Or maybe it’s the lady in shipping who always stands at the edge of a group. Or maybe it’s the guy who never speaks up in a meeting — even though you can tell he has plenty to offer.

Spotting people in professional settings who feel hesitant and out of place is easy.

But it doesn’t have to be a person at work; people who don’t feel like they belong are everywhere. Take the gym. Unless you’re this guy or this gal, if you’re new to working out, you probably feel just a bit insecure. And self conscious. And like you don’t belong — and wish you were anywhere else…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

When life gets hard, try these 8 tips…

Wouldn’t it be nice to be happy all the time?

But we all know that happiness and life don’t work like that.

And that’s OK; happiness, like other things in life, will always be tempered by unhappiness and life will always include hardship.

Our goal should NOT be to try to eliminate or avoid such difficulties but rather, to manage them. So for more happiness and success in life, try these 8 steps when next you’re facing adversity…

via The Ladders by Eric Barker

“Stick with it!”

“Be resilient!”

“Never give up!”

I see a lot of stuff about resilience, persistence and grit. What I don’t see is a lot of legitimate info on how to actually increase those qualities.

How can we be more resilient? How can we shrug off huge challenges in life, persist and — in the end — succeed?

So I looked at the most difficult scenarios for insight. (Who needs resilience in easy situations, right?)

When life and death is on the line, what do the winners do that the losers don’t?

Turns out surviving the most dangerous situations has some good lessons we can use to learn how to be resilient in everyday life.

Whether it’s dealing with unemployment, a difficult job, or personal tragedies, here are insights that can help.

1) Perceive And believe

“The company already had two rounds of layoffs this year but I never thought they would let me go.”

“Yeah, the argument was getting a little heated but I didn’t think he was going to hit me.”

The first thing to do when facing difficulty is to make sure you recognize it as soon as possible.

Sounds obvious but we’ve all been in denial at one point or another. What do people who survive life-threatening situations have in common?

They move through those “stages of grief” from denial to acceptance faster:

Via Deep Survival: Who Lives, Who Dies, and Why:

They immediately begin to recognize, acknowledge, and even accept the reality of their situation… They move through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance very rapidly.

What’s that thing doctors say when they’re able to successfully treat a medical problem? “Good thing we caught it early.”

When you stay oblivious or live in denial, things get worse — often in a hurry. When you know you’re in trouble you can act.

Nobody is saying paranoia is good but research shows a little worrying is correlated with living a longer life.

(For more on how a little negativity can make you happier, click here.)

Okay, like they say in AA, you admitted you have a problem. What’s the next thing the most resilient people do?

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

What if you could see failure as a positive?!?!

All those who want success will inevitably fail.

All those who desire happiness will at some point experience unhappiness.

Success and happiness, however, can be maximised if we just look at failure in a different way…

via Inc.com by Brian D Evans

Just today I received some news that one of my personal projects (not business related) was at the risk of not succeeding. This personal project was something that I had poured 100s of hours  into (not to mention all the money I spent.) Not going to lie, I was extremely frustrated when I first heard the news. This was something that was a personal goal of mine and important that I got it. At least that’s what I thought.

Within 5 minutes I turned my frustration completely around. I asked myself, “What’s the worst that could happen?” I realized that if the failure of this particular project was the worst that could happen, then I could live with that. The reason I can live with it is much bigger than the project itself. It is acceptance of the fact that I do not have ultimate control over every little thing in life, whether it be a business venture or a personal side project.

This lesson and learning experience was only one of many things I’ve learned over the years that has helped me increase my success by looking at setbacks and failures differently…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE