5 ways to make your life more positive

via the Huffington Post by Daffnee Cohen

As we grow, we naturally become more in tune with the things and people that facilitate a safe, comfortable and empowered environment. Our experiences and interactions with people and situations give us the ability to further surround ourselves with positive influences and to also avoid potentially harmful or damaging circumstances. While every day is a continuous learning opportunity for how I live my own life in a more positive manner, there are a few things I’m certain facilitate a positive attitude and outlook.

1. Don’t avoid or ignore negativity. In order to conquer and overcome, it must be acknowledged. This can include people in your life who may be bringing you down, a hostile workplace environment or even a personal stressor that you haven’t conquered quite yet. Think about the moments in your day that bring you anxiety or that you don’t look forward to. How can you turn that experience into something positive that fulfills you? Sometimes, these are small and easy to implement changes. Other times, they are more serious and drastic changes that need to take place. Either way, ignoring it will not move you in the direction of positivity. Remember, you are in control of your environment and if these negative situations keep making an appearance, it’s up to you to handle them.

2. Take care of yourself and your needs. In order to feel compelled to live a powerful and meaningful life, you must love you. It’s crucial to take care of not only your physical health, but your mental health as well. It’s a continuous circle: take care of your thoughts and your emotional well being, and it will be reflected in your day-to-day. Take care of your actions and how you live each day, and this will be reflected in your thoughts and emotional state of mind. Love yourself fully in order to love others fully…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Have you heard about “fierce self-compassion”? Because you need to!

If you’ve ever been told “it’s the thought that counts” well, that’s only half right.

Thoughts are important, obviously; but happiness and success in life also require action.

Happiness also requires self-compassion; but self-compassion also needs to be acted on for ALL of us to enjoy happiness and wellbeing…

by Kristin Neff

The drama that just unfolded in the Senate confirmation hearings for the U.S. Supreme Court is just one more example of why women need fierce compassion. Why feminine ideals of care need to include anger and resolve if we are ever going to stop being controlled by men. It took tremendous bravery and courage for Dr. Blasey Ford to tell the world about her memories of the humiliating and sexually aggressive way that Judge Kavanaugh violated her as a teenager. She has since had to go into hiding out of fear for her life. How many of us women have experienced something similar in a less public way? A narcissistic man who believes he has the right to sexually abuse us because he is empowered by patriarchy to do so.

How many of us have remained silent because we didn’t want to rock the boat or risk being judged for putting ourselves in a compromising position?

Largely as a concession to the #MeToo movement, the predominantly male Senate judiciary committee and Judge Kavanaugh himself did not try to discredit Dr. Blasey Ford or question her morality because they knew it would create a backlash. Instead, they portrayed her as a confused victim, to be pitied but not believed. What really struck me, however, was the demeanor of Dr. Blasey Ford herself. While she spoke with confidence when discussing her area of expertise — the psychology of trauma — at other times she spoke like a young girl who needed to placate all these powerful men so they would like her. This doesn’t undercut the courage she showed for being there — it was tremendous — but she clearly felt she had to be soft and sweet to be heard. And she was probably right. Imagine if she had shown her righteous anger at Kavanaugh for derailing her life, she indeed would have been discredited. She was allowed to show her pain at being victimized, but no more. Kavanaugh, in contrast, was celebrated by many of the male senators for being angry and enraged at being “wrongly” accused.

This is why women need fierce compassion. Compassion is aimed at the alleviation of suffering – that of others or ourselves – and can be ferocious as well as tender. These two poles are represented by the dialectic of yin and yang. Yin compassion is like a mother tenderly comforting her crying child. Yang compassion is like a mother bear ferociously protecting her cubs from harm. Traditional gender roles allow women to be yin, but if a woman is too yang — if she gets angry or fierce — people get scared and often insulting. Men are allowed to be yang, but if a man shows vulnerability he risks being kicked out of the boys’ club of power. In many ways the #MeToo movement can be seen as the collective arising of female yang. We are finally speaking up to protect ourselves, our sisters, our daughters and sons. Thank goodness…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

33 habits for more happiness!

via Inc.com by Marcel Schwantes

In the book 365 Ways to Live Happy, I was intrigued by the author’s resourcefulness in finding as many ways as possible to infuse more happiness, positivity, and balance into our daily lives.

As I read the book looking for personal work applications, as well as tips for my own readers, I reduced the list down to what I feel are the most useful hacks for the busy entrepreneur or professional.

The key thing here is this: Don’t just read them for entertainment or information; apply them, be transformed by them, and pay them forward to change someone’s life.

My favorite hacks toward a life of happiness.

1. Don’t harbor a grudge.
2. Write three things you love about yourself.
3. Quiet your mind before starting your day (think meditation or mindfulness).
4. Practice a random act of kindness every day.
5. Make a 10-point list of what’s really important to you.
6. Write a mission statement for your life (try these steps to get started).
7. Think of three topics to begin a conversation (ask these questions).
8. Lavishly praise behavior you want repeated.
9. Go on vacation every year.
10. Ask a favorite boss or someone you admire to mentor you…

… keep reading the full & original article HERE

Build your life around what matters most to you

Happiness is obviously about enjoying fun and pleasure.

But more than that, for deep and meaningful, lasting happiness … meaning and purpose is vitally important.

The type of happiness that comes from focusing on meaning and purpose requires us to focus on those aspects of life that are really important; which is often harder than it might seem…

via the Ladders by Christoper D Connors

“Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn’t matter to me. Going to bed at night saying we’ve done something wonderful, that’s what matters to me.” — Steve Jobs

Each day, you’re given 86,400 seconds to make the most of. You’re given the latitude to pursue what you want, even if it only ends up being for a very small percentage of those seconds. You have time. You have a shot — and that’s all that most of us can really ask for. So, when I see people squandering that time and wasting it on things that don’t add value and that waste their talents, it gets me down.

But more than that — it puzzles me. So many of us don’t realize the opportunities we’re letting pass us by.

An investment toward a venture and new beginning doesn’t take nearly as much time each day as you think. It’s not about one lump sum of output for one day over a few days or week. The journey is about repetition. It’s about consistency and continuous output. Showing up each day and finding a way to let yourself shine, in all your authenticity, in whatever your thing is.

So why do we spend time on things that don’t matter? For one thing — too many of us haven’t defined what matters most to us. As crazy as that sounds, we simply don’t know. We haven’t taken the time in deep thought and imagination to actually visualize and verbalize what we love and what means the most to us in this lifetime…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

10 signs you’re burning out AND what you can do about it

To enjoy happiness, you need to take care of yourself.

Happiness and health and wellbeing can all be damaged by overworking and too much stress.

Happiness, therefore, will not come to those who’re tired, exhausted and burning out.

So here’s what to look out for AND what you can do about it…

via the Ladders by Travis Bradberry

Even the best jobs can lead to burnout. The harder you work and the more motivated you are to succeed, the easier it is to get in over your head.

The prevalence of burnout is increasing as technology further blurs the line between work and home. New research from the American Psychological Association and the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago reported the following:

• 48% of Americans experienced increased stress over the past 5 years
• 31% of employed adults have difficulty managing their work and family responsibilities
• 53% say work leaves them “overtired and overwhelmed.”

A Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM) poll found that “burnout from my current job” was one of the top reasons that people quit.

Burnout can get the better of you, even when you have great passion for your work. Arianna Huffington experienced this first hand when she almost lost an eye from burnout. She was so tired at work that she passed out, hitting her face on her desk. She broke her cheek bone and had to get four stitches on her eye.

“I wish I could go back and tell myself that not only is there no trade-off between living a well-rounded life and high performance, performance is actually improved when our lives include time for renewal, wisdom, wonder and giving. That would have saved me a lot of unnecessary stress, burnout and exhaustion.”  –Arianna Huffington

Burnout often results from a misalignment of input and output; you get burnt out when you feel like you’re putting more into your work than you’re getting out of it. Sometimes this happens when a job isn’t rewarding, but more often than not it’s because you aren’t taking care of yourself.

Before you can treat and even prevent burnout, you need to recognize the warning signs so that you’ll know when it’s time to take action. Here they are, in no particular order.

1. Health problems

Burnout has a massive, negative impact upon your physical and mental health. Whether you’re experiencing back pain, depression, heart disease, obesity, or you’re just getting sick a lot, you need to consider the role your work is playing in this.

You’ll know when burnout is affecting your health, and you’ll just have to decide whether your approach to work is worth the consequences.

2. Cognitive difficulties

Research shows that stress hammers the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for executive function. Executive function impacts your memory, decision-making abilities, emotional control, and focus.

When you notice that you’re making silly mistakes, forgetting important things, having outbursts of emotion, or making poor decisions, you’re likely burning out.

3. Difficulty with work and personal relationships

Stress bleeds over into everything you do, particularly how you interact with people. Even when you feel that you’re keeping your stress under control at work, it can rear its ugly head at home. Often it’s your relationships that suffer.

Stress makes many people more likely to snap at others, lose their cool, and get involved in silly, unnecessary conflicts. Others are more inclined to withdraw and avoid people they care about…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

What if you could make your life amazing? Well, you can; and here’s how!

via Eric Barker

You already know a lot of things you should do to improve your life. Where we often get stuck is knowing what’s most important. What comes first. Where to start.

Asking yourself these questions is: A) a powerful personal exercise, and B) a great way to provoke an existential crisis. So let’s get the answers like we did in high school and just cheat off the nerdy kid…

Gallup scientists asked way too many people way too many questions and, unsurprisingly, got some really good answers about what makes life amazing.

From Wellbeing: The Five Essential Elements:

Gallup conducted a comprehensive global study of more than 150 countries, giving us a lens into the wellbeing of more than 98% of the world’s population. From Afghanistan to Zimbabwe, we asked hundreds of questions about health, wealth, relationships, jobs, and communities. We then compared these results to how people experience their days and evaluate their lives overall.

After crunching all the numbers, Gallup found there were 5 factors that were really critical. And then the estimable Tom Rath wrote them up in a wonderfully readable book titled Wellbeing: The Five Essential Elements.

The good news is that there are things we can do to improve in all five categories. And they were simple and interesting enough to make me stop bingeing “Ray Donovan” and start typing.

Let’s break them down — in order of importance — and get this here show on the road…

“Career Wellbeing”

It isn’t necessarily about your job — it’s more about what you do with your time. It’s basically a measure of how subjects responded to the question, “Do you like what you do each day?”

It’s not too surprising this was the most important factor. If you don’t like what you’re doing the majority of your life, well, that’s probably not going to be a very happy life.

People who scored high in this area were “more than twice as likely to be thriving in their lives overall.” But only 20% of people scored that high. So what made all the difference?

You don’t have to be ecstatically happy with everything all the time. That makes you the crazy guy nobody wants to sit next to at lunch. But it is very important you be engaged.

When Gallup randomly tested people throughout the day to see what they were doing and how they felt (measuring heart rate, cortisol levels, and mood), they saw there was a world of difference between those who were really involved with their activities and those who were just counting down the minutes until the workday ended.

The former were far happier and less stressed. So much so that the people in the top 20% enjoyed workdays as much as weekends. (Yes, apparently that is possible.) Engagement made all the difference.

And it had long-term impact as well. People with the lowest engagement were far more likely to later be diagnosed with depression — and to have cholesterol and triglyceride levels that looked like a stick of butter.

From Wellbeing: The Five Essential Elements:

…those who were actively disengaged in their careers in 2008 were nearly twice as likely to be diagnosed with depression over the next year… As employees’ levels of engagement at work increased, their total cholesterol and triglyceride levels significantly decreased. And those with decreasing levels of engagement at work had an increase in total cholesterol and triglycerides… Boosting your Career Wellbeing might be one of the most important priorities to consider for maintaining good health over the years.

So what do we need to do to increase engagement?

Use your strengths as much as you can. Doing what you’re good at makes you six times as likely to be engaged and more than three times as likely to be happy with your life.

From Wellbeing: The Five Essential Elements:

One of the essentials to having fun at work is getting the opportunity to use your strengths every day. When we build on our strengths and daily successes — instead of focusing on failures — we simply learn more. Compared to those who do not get to focus on what they do best, people who have the opportunity to use their strengths are six times as likely to be engaged in their jobs and more than three times as likely to report having an excellent quality of life. Our global data show that these people can enjoy a full 40-hour workweek, while those who do not get to use their strengths get burned out after just 20 hours of work per week.

Beyond that, spend as much time as you can with people at work that you like. When surveyed, who did people least enjoy spending time with?

Their boss. What was it about El Jefe that really cratered people’s engagement levels? It wasn’t a mean boss — it was a supervisor who ignored them. And on the flip side, the best bosses focused on their employees’ strengths.

If you have a boss like this, you’re very lucky. There’s almost zero chance you feel actively disengaged at work.

From Wellbeing: The Five Essential Elements:

The most disengaged group of workers we have ever studied are those who have a manager who is simply not paying attention. If your manager ignores you, there is a 40% chance that you will be actively disengaged or filled with hostility about your job. If your manager is at least paying attention — even if he is focusing on your weaknesses — the chances of your being actively disengaged go down to 22%. But if your manager is primarily focusing on your strengths, the chance of your being actively disengaged is just 1%, or 1 in 100.

(To learn more about the science of a successful life, check out my bestselling book here.)

Though “Career Wellbeing” was number one, it’s not everything. After all, there’s more to life than work. Your personal life is very important too…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Sometimes, happiness is NOT doing

by Dr Tim Sharp (aka Dr Happy)

Just like me, I’m sure there are things that upset you…

…and just like me, you probably react in different ways at different times. 

But what if you didn’t react at all!

Some time ago, I realised that one of the most powerful and effective strategies for responding to distress or difficult circumstances was … not doing anything. Because I realised that I didn’t have to do anything!

So often so many of us think we have to respond; that we have to react to people or situations because they’re bad or wrong. But we don’t. Quite simply, we an choose to do something or choose to do nothing. And in many instances, the latter may well be the best option. 

Imagine, for example, that someone threw a dart at you. You could try to catch it; but that would risk you injuring yourself. You could try to catch it and then throw it back; but would make you just as bad as the person who threw the dart in the first place. Or you could just gently swerve out of the way and let the dart pass you by; in short, you could not react at all.

Now this option of non-reactivity might not always be appropriate; but do you think it might be worth considering and utilising at least some of the time? 

…So that’s today’s mailing. Take some time to reflect upon the message and how it might apply to you. Check out, also, the links below for some additional readings and resources.

I hope it helps you enjoy some more happiness. Until next time…

Keep well & keep smiling
Tim Sharp (aka Dr Happy)