You can’t eliminate stress; but you can learn to ride the waves as they come in to your lives

Happiness is not living without stress.

Happiness is living well despite stress.

And here’s how…

via Psychology Today by Lisa Firestone

You’re at your desk, about to log off for your lunch break, when you hear the ding of an incoming text. You read the message from your partner saying, “Meeting got moved. Can’t get kids from school today.” By the time you glance back up at your screen, an email has come in from your boss, asking about the progress of a lagging project. As you craft your reply, your phone beeps again, and you eagerly check for the life-saving words of your best friend saying she can pick up your kids, but instead, you’re greeted by a news alert about some unspeakable thing happening in what seems to be an increasingly insane world.

Fill in the blanks of your own latest text, email, and news alert, and most of you can probably relate to this scenario. In fact, the American Psychological Association (APA) recently reported that the constant checking of devices is contributing to high levels of stress for the majority of Americans. This year, results from an APA survey also showed a “statistically significant increase” in stress for the first time since the survey was first conducted in 2007. Stress is on the rise for myriad reasons that are worth examining. But here, I want to explore how to best handle the new waves of stress that have entered our lives. No matter what it is that’s making each of us anxious, we can all arm ourselves with the tools to help us stay calm, centered, and feeling strong in the face of challenges. Here are some techniques we can adopt to better handle moments of stress.

1. Get a hold of your inner critic: One thing we should realize about stress is that so much of what we worry about is based not just on what’s happening in our lives but the messages we tell ourselves about what’s happening. Facing a deadline is stressful, but it’s those nagging thoughts telling us, “You’re never going to finish” or “This is all gonna blow up in your face” that really get us worked up. Getting our kid to finish their homework is tiring, but it’s made all the worse by attacks like “You’re a terrible parent” or “You can’t even get your own kid to listen to you. What a failure!” Take the time to ask yourself, “what are the thoughts around my stress that perpetuate it?”

There are a lot of things in our lives that don’t go our way or that we can’t control, but what makes matters much worse is a “critical inner voice” we all possess that punishes us unnecessarily and escalates our stress. “How can you sleep? You have so much to do.” “What makes you think you can just relax?” “This is just too much. You can’t handle it.” This voice is a friend to our stress, paving a tunnel for it to pour in and consume our state of mind. Identifying our “inner critic” by noticing when it starts yammering away will help us peel away its negative messaging from whatever our actual circumstances may be…

…keep reading the full and original article HERE

20 secrets to living a happier life

via Entrepreneur by Deep Patel

There’s an unfortunate reason why happiness is often elusive — our brains simply aren’t wired that way. Instead, our brains have evolved to survive, to protect ourselves, to keep us safe. Sure, we have moments of elation and periods of contentment and bliss. But many of us are plagued with persistent negative emotions — we are just plain stuck in the “blahs.”

How do we find more joy in our life? Like anything else, it takes practice to cultivate ongoing happiness. In a sense, we have to reset our baseline. It won’t happen overnight, but here are the top 20 things you can do every day to discover the secrets of being happier.

1. Focus on the positive.

To find long-term happiness, you need to retrain your brain from a negative mindset to a positive mindset. Try these things: Spend one to two minutes looking for positives in your life. Do this three times a day for 45 days, and your brain will start doing it automatically.

Choose a positive mantra for the day — something you will repeat to yourself, such as “Today is beautiful” or “I feel grateful for all I have.” And when things go south, take a moment to try and see it from a positive light. Never underestimate the importance of recognizing the silver linings in life.

Related: Stop These 8 Negative Mindsets That Make Entrepreneurs Miserable

2. Celebrate little victories.

Life is full of ups and downs, but in between we have a lot of little victories that go unnoticed. Take a moment to celebrate these small wins.

Did you check off all the things on your to-do list that you’ve been procrastinating on? Yay! Did you finally clear out a thousand emails that have been filling up your inbox? Woohoo! Take pleasure in these little achievements. They add up!

Related: 5 Ways to Celebrate Small Wins on Your Way to World Domination

3. Find your work–life balance.

Work takes up a lot of our day, but it shouldn’t be the only thing we do. It’s important to pursue activities and interests beyond our job. Do you have a hobby? Are you spending time with friends and loved ones? Are you getting exercise? Creating balance in your life will reduce stress and give you other outlets to express yourself and have fun.

Related: Work-Life Balance Is Simple. To Succeed at Work, Get a Life.

4. Practice mindfulness.

Mindfulness mediation works by bringing your awareness and attention to the present moment. It’s about being nonjudgmental and accepting how you are feeling. Practicing mindfulness means being present, aware and curious. Accepting what we are going through decreases stress and helps us see situations for what they are. Through mindfulness, we can find peace and affirmation in ourselves.

Related: Mindfulness Isn’t Just a Trend, It’s Key to Being a Better Leader

5. Be creative.

You may think of artists as being moody and depressed, but studies show that engaging in creative activities on a regular basis actually makes you happier. Those who spend time using their imagination and being creative have more enthusiasm and are more likely to have feelings of long-term happiness and well-being. Such creative activities can include writing, painting, drawing and musical performance.

Related: 14 Things Nobody Told You About Being Creative 

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

3 thinking patterns you need to STOP … and what to think instead!

One of the things we know for sure about happy people is that they think differently.

Happiness is significantly determined by your attitude; and can be destroyed by the wrong type of negative thoughts.

So if you’d like a happier, better life and you’re thinking these negative thoughts, keep reading for some tips about how to make the right sorts of changes…

via Psychology Today by Melanie Greenberg

How you think about the events and people in your life can either help you reframe things in more positive ways that help you cope or take you down a rabbit hole of negative thinking and feeling bad about yourself, other people, and your prospects. Unhealthy ways of thinking and reacting to things can cause depression and anxiety, prolong stressors, and create chronically stressed states of mind that can affect your heart health and immunity. You can’t always control what you think, but you can learn to identify when you’re sinking into a negative pattern, and then reboot and redirect your thinking along a more constructive or hopeful path. If you keep redirecting your negative thinking over months and years, you may even change the patterns of neuralconnections in your brain so that you react to life’s events in more grounded ways, with less panic and judgment.

It’s tricky to identify negative thinking patterns, because our thoughts feel so immediate and true. We have a habit of accepting them uncritically, without questioning. Also, worrying about something bad that may happen can draw you in, making you feel like you’re doing something about the problem, even when you’re making things worse for yourself. For some of us, overthinking can feel like a proxy for control. By keeping thoughts of the stressor in mind, we may feel like we can control what’s going to happen. In fact, many of life’s stressors are not controllable, so focusing too much on them just drains our mental and emotional energy and prolongs the body’s stress response.

Following are 3 negative thinking patterns to avoid—and what to do instead:

1. Negative Rumination

Although it’s natural and can be healthy to self-reflect, reflection becomes problematic when it’s negative, excessive, and repetitive. Rumination is a kind of negative thinking in which we get mentally stuck and keep spinning our wheels without making progress, like a car stuck in a snowdrift. Rumination can make you more and more anxious as you keep thinking of more and more negative outcomes that could possibly happen. If you feel lonely, you may think about being lonely forever, never meeting the right partner, never having kids, losing all your friends, and ending up alone in a ditch. Ruminating can also make you feel depressed. You may focus on how bad you feel, why you feel so bad, what you did wrong to get in this situation, and how things could get worse and you could mess things up even more. Before you know it, you start to feel like a loser, and this interferes with your motivation to take steps to solve the problem.

What to Do Instead: Pay attention to when your thinking starts to get repetitive or negative. When you notice rumination, make yourself break the cycle. Get up and do something else: Go for a walk or reach out to a friend (but don’t continue the rumination out loud by whining to them). Don’t overeat or drink too much alcohol to avoid the negative thoughts. Try to change your thinking to a problem-solving focus that is more deliberate and strategic…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

7 ways to help someone else out of a bad mood

Happiness is great.

But it’s hard to be happy if someone you care about is unhappy!

That being said, happiness can come from helping others; especially if we’re helping them enjoy more happiness!

So if you’d like some tips about how to boost the mood of family and friends, keep reading below…

via Bustle by Kristine Fellizar

Everyone has their fair share of good days and bad. But when your partner is in a bad mood, it can have a way of affecting you in a way your own moods don’t. For instance, it’s hard not take it personally when your partner shuts down, even if their mood has absolutely nothing to do with you. After all, if you love someone, it’s only natural to want to help. According to experts, there are ways to help your partner out of a bad mood, that won’t leave you feeling bad for trying.

People react to challenges the day may bring them differently. If your partner is the type to hibernate and shut down on you, don’t worry. As Dr. Kate Dow, psychologist and relationship expert, tells Bustle, it’s common. “Often times, people shut down during bad moods because they don’t know what they can do for themselves,” Dow says. “We can’t easily think our way out of a bad mood.”

Therefore in some cases, when you ask your partner how you can help, it can be frustrating for them because they really don’t know what to tell you. Trying to deal on their own may seem like the easiest option for them. According to experts, sometimes it is and sometimes it isn’t.

“Helping your partner get out of a’ funk’ is situational and you’ll want to take into consideration things like what put them in the bad mood and how they typically handle stress or intense emotion,” Jeannie Assimos, eharmony’s Chief of Advice, tells Bustle. Although it does vary from person to person, there are still general things to keep in mind if you want to help pull your partner out of a bad mood. Here’s how to do it, according to experts.

1. Keep It All About Them

This may seem like an obvious tip, but don’t make your partner feel guilty for being in a bad mood. You may not be doing it intentionally, but it can come off that way. For example, don’t say something like, “Give me a smile, it’ll make you feel happy” or “When you feel down, I feel down.” As Assimos says, “Don’t make it about you. Make it about them.” If you make it seem like you’re trying to cheer them up for the benefit of you or the two of you, it can have a way of making them feel worse. So keep yourself out of it, and listen to what your partner may need of you instead.

2. Let Them Be

When your partner is in a bad mood, you may have the urge to hug them and love them until they feel better. But for some, all that affection may have the opposite effect. That’s why Assimos says, giving your partner space if they need it is really important. More often than not, they will likely appreciate it. “Make sure your partner knows you are there for them if they choose to not talk about it,” she says. “Don’t interrogate them and amplify their mood. Just be there for them and don’t smother.”

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

8 Successful Mental Habits to Defeat Fear, Worry, and Anxiety

Want more happiness? You need to focus on the positives in your life.

But if you really want more happiness – you also need to overcome some of the negatives…

via Inc.com Marcel Schwantes

Are you under intense pressure at work? Perhaps you’re a busy entrepreneur and founder of a startup racking up 60 hours per week to keep your business afloat. Or the CEO of a company that just got handed three months to turn the ship around.

Whatever high-impact role you’re in (it could also mean you’re the receptionist managing an insane amount of calls per day as the gatekeeper of a growing company), things like anxiety, burnout, constant worry, and even depression may be par for the course.

Mental health is serious business, and not staying on top of yours can seriously affect how you perform. If things are turbulent right now and anxiety is beating up on you, you can get your peace back. But it takes looking in the mirror, acknowledging the truth, and making changes.

Here are eight ways to take control.

1. Don’t figure things out by yourself.

Whatever problems you’re facing now, they will only amplify if you isolate yourself and think you can handle it all on your own. If that’s you, your first move is to reach out and seek community and support. Then go to battle to defeat your depression or anxiety with trusted loved ones at your side. When you can believe that you are not alone in this and have everything you need to go into battle–resources, support groups, counselors and coaches, fellow peers, family members, friends–your chances of recovery are much quicker.

2. Be real with how you feel.

Self-confession is key. Don’t deny your feelings–they are legitimate and they don’t make you weak or broken. Once you embrace them and come to terms that you’re powerless over your condition, work in community and accountability in making drastic new lifestyle changes to deal with your emotions…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

8 important life lessons people learn too late in life

None of us are perfect.

And so none of us will get things right 100% of the time.

So to enjoy happiness and success we need to learn from our mistakes.

And if we learn our lessons sooner rather than later, we can enjoy more happiness and a better life…

via Inc.com by Matthew Jones

Following a morning hike among the serenity of red rocks, wildflowers, and mountain views, I sat in conversation with an old friend. We had an important topic to discuss. Mainly, my future career.

My friend knows that I’m a depth-oriented executive coach who has spent the last 6-plus years in graduate school earning a doctorate in clinical psychology. He knows that I spent the majority of my last two years writing my dissertation. And he knows that I have ambition–that, thanks to the shackles of graduate school, has yet to be unleashed in a professional setting.

But as we sat eating a hard-earned meal, he had one simple question for me: What’s next?

As I sat contemplating my answer–not wanting to utter empty words–I decided to speak my truth. Unfiltered, I told him about the kind of person I want to become based on the values I hold rather than the type of work I want to do.

That discussion lead to an important insight–that, to me, money doesn’t matter. Yes, I want it, but that’s not what drives me. Admiration, validation, respect. Yes, I want those, but those aren’t the most important factor either.

At the end of the day, the one thing that will make me happy is to share my voice with the world. To speak my truth no matter how difficult or uncomfortable. And to live in congruence and authenticity with my highest self.

That’s what matters to me. And I know that, from that foundation, I can build a meaningful and successful career.

Don’t get lost chasing the wrong things. Building your life from the ground up is the only way to maintain the integrity of your foundation.

Read the list below, which contains eight life lessons most people learn too late in life. They are at the core of my personal philosophy, which I hope inspires you to discover your own values and then do the hard part–practice what you preach.

1. Everything is connected. Yes, everything.

Mind, body, and spirit are all related. At the deepest and most fundamental level, we are all modifications of Consciousness.

As such, we must view challenges from a holistic perspective. And we must understand that because everything arises from a Prior Unity, we have the responsibility to treat everyone and everything with love, kindness, and respect.

2. Authenticity creates presence, confidence, and influence.

The most influential leaders are the ones that behave in ways aligned with their values. When you listen to your intuition, trust your instincts, and practice what you preach, it creates authenticity.

And that authenticity is palpable. When people feel your genuineness and sincerity, your presence creates a powerful energy that resonates with others. Like a tuning fork, others begin to follow and align themselves with your vibration…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

To create the “new you” you have to give up the “old you”

by Dr Tim Sharp (aka Dr Happy)

Have you ever thought how good it would be to live your best possible life? To be different and better in all those ways you often dream about?

This “new you” would be so happy and content, successful and confident; but at the same time, the “new you” keeps getting dragged back down by the “old you” who frustratingly, just won’t go away!

Coming up with ideas for a new and better you, a happier and healthier life, is not really that hard.

The hard part is getting rid of the old ideas, the old parts of you that have been holding you back all this time!

Andre Gide (French author and Nobel Laureate) has been quoted as saying that “Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.”

In other words, you can never be different until you give up the familiar.

…So that’s today’s mailing. Take some time to reflect upon the message and how it might apply to you. Check out, also, the links below for some additional readings and resources.

I hope it helps you enjoy some more happiness. Until next time…

Keep well & keep smiling
Tim Sharp (aka Dr Happy)