What the research says about building GOOD habits

For almost 2 decades now I’ve been saying that … happiness requires little more than practising a few simple disciplines, each and every day.

If “bad habits” lead to poor health and misery; then “good habits” can just as effectively lead to health and happiness!

So how does one build more good habits? Here’s what the research has found…

via Eric Barker

You have a long list of things you know you should be doing regularly… But for some reason, you just don’t do them. What’s the deal?

The solution is building habits. Doing hard things isn’t hard if you’re on autopilot. But how do we make building habits simple and painless?

James Clear has a lot of very good, research-backed answers in his new bestseller Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones.

James lays out 4 laws of behavior change that are so simple, even I can do them. (And that means you can, too.)

Alright, let’s break’em down…

1) Make It Obvious

Vague is the enemy. “I want to exercise more” is usually another way of saying, “I want to continue disappointing myself.”

On the other hand, you could say: “Every morning at 7AM I’m going to lift weights for an hour at the gym around the corner.”

If I said that, you’d be much more likely to believe I was going to follow through. And if you say it, studies show you’re more likely to actually do it.

It’s what researchers call an “implementation intention.” (People without a PhD call it a “plan.”)

From Atomic Habits:

Hundreds of studies have shown that implementation intentions are effective for sticking to our goals, whether it’s writing down the exact time and date of when you will get a flu shot or recording the time of your colonoscopy appointment. They increase the odds that people will stick with habits like recycling, studying, going to sleep early, and stopping smoking…

The formula for creating an implementation intention is pretty simple:

I will [BEHAVIOR] at [TIME] in [LOCATION].

Another way to get the same effect is by using “habit stacking.” Tie the new habit to an old habit.

From Atomic Habits:

Habit stacking is a special form of an implementation intention. Rather than pairing your new habit with a particular time and location, you pair it with a current habit.

And the formula for habit stacking is pretty simple too:

After [CURRENT HABIT], I will [NEW HABIT].

“After I wake up, I will do 20 push-ups.”

“After the crime, I will hide any evidence.”

Chain together enough new habits and you’ll be in great shape while spending far less time in prison.

(To learn more about the science of a successful life, check out my bestselling book here.)

So your new habit plan is clear. But how do you get yourself to want to do it?

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Personal growth requires self-kindness

It’s hard (if not impossible) to be happy if you don’t like yourself.

Happiness won’t come to those who engage in self-loathing; and who, then, can’t find the motivation to do what they need to do for self-care.

It’s almost stating the obvious, or it should be anyway, to note that happiness requires self-compassion and self-kindness…

via the Ladders 

Leah: What’s one thing that you’re working on right now that you’re finding interesting or surprising?

Shauna: The importance of self-kindness and self-compassion in mindfulness. In my work with thousands of people, I’ve been stunned to discover that people are talking about the same thing: this sense of self-judgment, of not being good enough. They beat themselves up in this critical way to try to get better or improve.

But I’m learning that that approach simply doesn’t work. Not only does it feel terrible, but when we feel shamed or judged — especially when it’s our own shame and self-judgment — the parts of the brain that have to do with learning, growth, and change shut down. We’re actually freezing ourselves in the very behaviors that most need to change.

Leah: There’s so much belief built into the power of self-criticism and self-flagellation. I’m curious, when you take this information to people, how do they react?

Shauna: [I’m met with] a lot of resistance, because it’s [so] counterintuitive. People think that if they’re compassionate and kind with themselves, it’s going to make them soft, or self-indulgent, or less motivated. That’s why the science is so important, because we found that self-compassion actually makes you more motivated and more resilient to setbacks, and better [able] to take care of yourself. Instead of being self-indulgent, we find that people who are compassionate with themselves actually eat healthier and exercise more because they care about themselves.

Leah: I love your use of the term “resistance” here, because this is a place where I also see a lot of resistance come up with people. They know that they’re struggling with self-compassion. They know that their self-criticism is making them miserable at work and in their personal lives. When you bring this idea of resistance into mindfulness practice, are there nuances for how you think about it?

“Self-compassion actually makes you more motivated and more resilient to setbacks.”

…keep reading (or even listen to) the full and original interview HERE

3 Things You Need to Stop Doing to Get Started

“It is never too late to be what you might have been.”
George Eliot

Getting started with doing what you deep down want to do in life can be hard.

No matter if what you want is to start exercising, create your own business on the side, write a book, see other parts of the world, improve your relationship with yourself or something entirely else.

But often we make getting started a lot harder than it needs to be by standing in our own way.

So in today’s article I’d like to share 3 things you need to stop doing to step out of your own way and make it so much easier to actually get started instead of just keep dreaming about it.

1. Stop making it a huge and vague thing in your mind.

The more you think about whatever you want to get started with the bigger it tends to become in your head.

And as you keep thinking about the various ways this could go it tends to become scarier and scarier.

So do this instead:

• Get knowledge from the others who have been where you want to go. To defuse vague fears about what could happen if you got started and about the unclear unknown, get information from people who have already gone where you want to go.
  It is easier than ever to find them today. Look them up online and read what they have written and said or send them an email. Or go ask someone you know in real life that has done what you want to do.

• Ask yourself: Honestly, what is realistically the worst that could happen? Take a couple of deep breaths to calm down your mind a bit. Then ask yourself this question.
  You’ll realize that in most cases the worst thing that could realistically happen is not that bad. It may sting for a bit. But it is something you can handle. And it is a situation you can find something to do about if this worst case scenario were to happen.
  The clarity you get from this question can – in my experience – reduce fears quite a bit.

2. Stop trying to control everything.

Being prepared and knowing some things certainly helps.

But it can become a trap when you try to control it all or think things through 50 times to be on the safe side and to not risk making mistakes, fail or look like a fool.

What to do instead:

• Realize: you will stumble and that is OK. It happens to anyone who steps outside of his or her comfort zone. It has happened to everyone you may admire and who have lived a life that is inspiring.
  It is simply a part of a life well lived. And if you reflect on what you can learn from a mistake then that will be invaluable to help you grow and improve.

• Learn to set time-limits for small decisions at first. If you have trouble with overthinking then set a time-limit for when you have to make a decision. This might seem a bit scary though.
  So start small and set a 30-60 second time-limit when trying to decide if you are going to work out or reply to an email.
  Do that for a while and then move on to slightly bigger decisions. And then even bigger ones after that.

3. Stop thinking that you have to get started in a big and spectacular way.

If you have a big goal or dream or even a medium sized one then it is easy to think that you have to take an action of the same size to get started or to get where you want to go.

That is most often not true though.

What to do instead:

• Go small. Just ask yourself: what is one small step I can take today to get the ball rolling with my goal/dream? Then take just that small action. And tomorrow or later on today you can do the same thing again. If that question still lands you in procrastination then ask yourself: What is one tiny step I can take to get the ball rolling?

• Single-task each little step. Focus on just the one step you are taking. Nothing else. Otherwise it is easy to get lost in thought, to go off track or to feel uncomfortable or fearful. So keep your attention on just this one action and step forward.
  And after that, the next one. Let these actions build day after day into something bigger. And before you know it you’ll have gone quite a distance on your journey.

Happiness … is all about focusing on the small things that make our lives beautiful

10 fundamental truths that will change your life

It’s a myth that happiness is always looking on the bright side.

Happiness is seeing what’s best in the world; but happiness is also facing up to the cold, hard realities.

Happiness, therefore, requires acknowledging truths like these…

via the Ladders by Travis Bradberry

It’s surprising how easy it is to lose sight of the important things in life. Busy schedules and regular routines have a tendency to put the brain on autopilot.

When things aren’t going quite the way you’d like them to, it’s often because you’ve lost focus on what really matters. But focusing on life’s fundamental truths can be difficult, especially when they remind you that you’re heading in the wrong direction.

The best things in life don’t come easily, and failing to observe yourself carefully is a sure path to mediocrity. I believe that Socrates said it best:

“The unexamined life isn’t worth living.”

Socrates’ observation also applies to business. When Eric Schmidt was CEO of Google, he famously said, “We run this company on questions, not answers.”

Life and business run on questions, not answers. You should be asking yourself regularly if you’re headed in the right direction.

Many of life’s essential truths need repeating. We need reminders that help us to stay focused on them. Keep these truths handy and they’re sure to give you a much-needed boost.

Great success is often preceded by failure

You will never experience true success until you learn to embrace failure. Your mistakes pave the way for you to succeed by revealing when you’re on the wrong path.

The biggest breakthroughs typically come when you’re feeling the most frustrated and the most stuck. It’s this frustration that forces you to think differently, to look outside the box and see the solution that you’ve been missing.

Success takes patience and the ability to maintain a good attitude even while suffering for what you believe in.

Being busy does not equal being productive

Look at everyone around you. They all seem so busy — running from meeting to meeting and firing off emails. Yet how many of them are really producing, really succeeding at a high level?

Success doesn’t come from movement and activity. It comes from focus — from ensuring that your time is used efficiently and productively.

You get the same number of hours in the day as everyone else. Use yours wisely. After all, you’re the product of your output, not your effort. Make certain your efforts are dedicated to tasks that get results.

You’re only as good as those you associate with

You should strive to surround yourself with people who inspire you, people who make you want to be better. And you probably do. But what about the people who drag you down? Why do you allow them to be a part of your life?

Anyone who makes you feel worthless, anxious, or uninspired is wasting your time and, quite possibly, making you more like them. Life is too short to associate with people like this. Cut them loose…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Happiness and passion are not things you “find”; they’re things you develop!

via ScienceNews by Melissa de Witte

While “find your passion” is well-intended advice, it might not be good advice.

In fact, the adage so commonly advised by graduation speakers might undermine how interests actually develop, according to Stanford researchers in an upcoming paper for Psychological Science.

In a series of laboratory studies, former postdoctoral fellow Paul O’Keefe, along with Stanford psychologists Carol Dweck and Gregory Walton, examined beliefs that may lead people to succeed or fail at developing their interests.

Mantras like “find your passion” carry hidden implications, the researchers say. They imply that once an interest resonates, pursuing it will be easy. But, the research found that when people encounter inevitable challenges, that mindset makes it more likely people will surrender their newfound interest.

And the idea that passions are found fully formed implies that the number of interests a person has is limited. That can cause people to narrow their focus and neglect other areas…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Happiness is once in a lifetime; happiness is also discipline and repetition

The most important thing in my life; that which brings me the most happiness and joy … 

… came about as a result of one, simple but crucial action. 

The decision to call up my now wife, and ask her on a date, changed my life for ever … and for the better!

Two of the next most significant contributors to my health, wellbeing and happiness are exercise and meditation … both of which require determination and discipline to ensure they remain priorities within the busy-ness of life.

So sometimes happiness comes from ONE action; other times from hundreds, if not THOUSANDS. And the wonder of it all is that this will vary from person to person, from year to year. 

Don’t be afraid to look for those “big bangs”; in fact, don’t make the mistake of missing out on those rare opportunities to meet someone, try something or take a risk. At the same time, however, be prepared to work hard and long for real and meaningful happiness; because at least part (if not much) of the time, that’s what’s required.

…So that’s today’s mailing. Take some time to reflect upon the message and how it might apply to you. Check out, also, the links below for some additional readings and resources.

I hope it helps you enjoy some more happiness. Until next time…

Keep well & keep smiling
Tim Sharp (aka Dr Happy)