Enjoy more happiness by … helping others!

Happiness, it’s been noted, is based on the premise that … other people matter.

Happiness isn’t just feeling good, it’s also doing good!

So helping others and adding value to their lives will not just benefit them, but also you…

via the Ladders by Christoper D Connors

“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” — Mahatma Gandhi

A young woman brought her boy from their small Indian village to travel to see the great Mahatma Gandhi. From far and wide, she heard of his open-mindedness, wisdom and generosity. She was in search of knowledge, looking for answers that would help her with a problem she hoped to solve for her son. She was looking for guidance to help solve her son’s addiction.

An addiction to chocolate.

So she was willing to make the quest. Miles and miles, under the searing Indian sun, the woman and her son journeyed to see the wise sage. Days later, she arrived. She mustered up the courage to walk to the great Gandhi’s ashram. Her son stood there, shyly waiting, and the woman opened her mouth and the words flowed out from her lips:

“Wise leader, my son has an addiction to chocolate — and I don’t know what to do. We’ve tried everything and getting him to stop has been unsuccessful. Would you please tell him — you will know, wise one — please tell him to stop and that this is bad for his health?”

Gandhi sat there and listened patiently and with an open mind. He said that he would not give the woman advice about how to break her son’s chocolate addiction. He simply told her to return in two weeks.

The woman was stunned. Nothing? This wise man whose legend she had heard about for years — he offered nothing? And why two weeks? She was baffled, but decided to return to her village with her son. Over days and nights, they traveled back home. The addiction persisted. The woman did not know what to do.

Finally, after two weeks, the woman and child braved the sizzling, humid Indian sun and traveled back to Gandhi’s ashram. She hoped that Gandhi would direct her son to stop. Her wish was granted. Gandhi said:

“Boy, please, stop eating chocolate. It is bad for your health. Listen to your mother and stop at once.”

Hearing Gandhi dispense the directive, the boy dropped his head and with a sullen expression, he nodded. The mother was relieved and she thanked the old sage. They turned to leave and make the trek back to their village. But the woman couldn’t help shake her curiosity. Why did it take him two weeks to tell my son to stop eating chocolate? What did he have to think about?

So she turned back around, faced Gandhi and asked him, “Why did it take you two weeks, oh wise one?

Gandhi offered her a warm smile, looked up and said, “I needed to overcome my own addiction to chocolate.”

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

How’d you like more energy?!?!

If happiness is about doing things you love and loving things you do…

…then happiness requires a certain amount of energy so you can get out there and live life!

Enjoying more happiness, therefore, will be more likely if you can enjoy higher energy levels…

via Eric Barker

The world might be all go-go-go but that doesn’t mean we are…

When Gallup researcher Tom Rath surveyed 10,000 people only 11% said they felt like they had a lot of energy.

From Are You Fully Charged?:

When we surveyed more than 10,000 people to see how they were doing across these three areas, we found that most people struggle on a daily basis. For example, when we asked them to think about their entire day yesterday, a mere 11 percent reported having a great deal of energy.

Luckily, Tom and his team didn’t go take a nap. Instead, they pored over studies and talked to experts to get some answers on why renewable energy is a big thing everywhere but inside our bodies.

From Are You Fully Charged?:

To discover what creates a full charge, my team and I reviewed countless articles and academic studies, and interviewed some of the world’s leading social scientists. We identified and catalogued more than 2,600 ideas for improving daily experience.

They found there were three factors that separated your supercharged days from your “low battery” ones. Tom summed up their results in his book, Are You Fully Charged?: The 3 Keys to Energizing Your Work and Life.

We’re going to look at some of what he found and learn how to have more energy.

Alrighty, let’s get to it…

Meaning

Everybody wants happiness — but that little bugger can be quite elusive and fleeting. As Viktor Frankl once said, “Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue. One must have a reason to ‘be happy.’”

But if we seek meaning in life, we often get happiness as a bonus. So what’s “meaning”?

It comes down to doing stuff that benefits other people. Research shows what makes us happy in the moment is often kinda selfish. And here’s where things get a little weird…

Because neuroscience studies demonstrate that while focusing on meaning ends up making us happier, pursuing our own happiness can make us — believe it or not — unhappy.

From Are You Fully Charged?:

A 2014 study followed a group of teenagers for a full year to see how their brains reacted to self-fulfilling (hedonic) acts versus acts that created meaning (eudaimonic) using fMRI scans and questionnaires. While the participants were in the fMRI scanner, researchers posed scenarios to them about keeping money for themselves versus donating it to their families. The researchers also followed up at the end of the year to review any changes from the teens’ baseline levels of depressive symptoms. The results revealed that teenagers who had the greatest brain response to meaningful actions had the greatest declines in depressive symptoms over time. In contrast, teens who made more self-fulfilling decisions were more likely to have an increase in risk of depression. Meaningful activity essentially protects the brain from dark thoughts.

But happiness feels good, right? Isn’t that why they call it happiness? Well, oddly enough, it doesn’t feel good to your body if there’s no meaning. The bodies of people who are cheery but lack anything deeper actually show higher levels of inflammation.

Happiness without meaning is the physical equivalent of being stressed out.

From Are You Fully Charged?:

When participants in a study led by the University of North Carolina’s Barbara Fredrickson were happy but lacked meaning in their lives (defined as pursuing a purpose bigger than self), they exhibited a stress-related gene pattern that is known to activate an inflammatory response. They had the same gene expression pattern as people dealing with constant adversity have. Over time, this pattern leads to chronic inflammation, which is related to a host of illnesses, like heart disease and cancer. Fredrickson noted, “Empty positive emotions… are about as good for you as adversity.” Unfortunately, 75 percent of participants in Fredrickson’s study fell into this category; their happiness levels outpaced their levels of meaningfulness. In contrast, participants who had meaning in their lives, whether or not they characterized themselves as happy, showed a deactivation in this stress-related gene pattern.

And when we feel we’re making progress in meaningful work we’re 250% more likely to be engaged at the office.

From Are You Fully Charged?:

My research suggests that the odds of being completely engaged in your job increase by more than 250 percent if you spend a lot of time doing meaningful work throughout the day. To discover what leads to better work and lives, Harvard Business School’s Teresa Amabile and psychologist Steven Kramer sorted through 12,000 diary entries and 64,000 specific workday events collected from 238 workers across seven different companies. Their conclusion from this research was: “Of all the events that engage people at work, the single most important — by far — is simply making progress in meaningful work.”

Okay, so how do we find this meaning stuff? Well, you don’t find it. You create it. Research in the area of “job-crafting” shows that if we tweak how we work, we can enjoy a lot more meaning in those hours at the office.

What activities give you a feeling of engagement, warmth and pride in what you do? Find a way to spend more of your time doing that stuff and less of the other stuff. Talk to your boss and co-workers to try and shift duties around if you need to.

And speaking of co-workers, who makes you feel good versus stressed? How can you spend more time with the former and less time with the latter?

Small changes in how you work can make a big difference in how you feel.

From Are You Fully Charged?:

This research, led by a team at the University of Michigan, found that you can craft existing jobs to significantly improve the meaningfulness of your work. Effective “job crafting” starts by looking at how much time you dedicate to specific tasks that give you energy each day. It also entails looking at the way your relationships at work and your perception of what you do create meaning for others.

I know what some people are thinking… they can’t change a thing about what they do or who they work with. No, you’re not screwed.

The most important factor here is perception — how you feel. And everyone’s work benefits someone else. By thinking more about who your work helps and making a little effort to see those results, you can dramatically increase the level of meaning in your life.

When university call center employees who were asking alums for donations got to meet the scholarship students who benefited from their work, productivity, enthusiasm and the amount of money coming in went up dramatically.

We’re often focused on our well-being above all else. Put a little more effort into your well-doing and your well-being often takes care of itself.

(To learn more about the science of a successful life, check out my bestselling book here.)

Okay, so meaning can help fill your tank. What else do we need?

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

Increase your happiness with these simple, 2-minute mindfulness exercises

via Inc.com by Peter Economy

Happiness is not some far-away goal. It’s not even something that you have to work tirelessly to find and achieve. In fact, happiness can take little time or sacrifice to acquire, and is much more attainable than you may think.

In an interview with the Washington Post, Shawn Achor, author of “The Happiness Advantage,” talks about our pursuit of happiness during an age of technology and industrialization:

“I think the world has actually been malnourished as we’ve focused so much on productivity and ignored happiness and meaning to our own detriment.”

Although Achor notes that happiness is something employers can certainly limit and influence, he finds that “happiness is actually an individual choice” and rises in step with social connection.

If happiness is, in fact, a simple choice, then you may ask why we aren’t all happy right now. What, exactly, is the hold up?

“Most people keep waiting on happiness, putting off happiness until they’re successful or until they achieve some goal,” says Achor. This means we are consequently limiting both happiness and success, negatively impacting both.

Happiness is an incredible advantage at work. According to Achor, when we’re happy at work, “our creativity triples. Productive energy rises by 31 percent. The likelihood of promotion rises by 40 percent. Sales rise by 37 percent.”

To create more happiness in your life, Achor prescribes three easy two-minute exercises that, if you do them every day, can improve your overall health as well as your levels of happiness…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

8 ways happy people are different from everyone else; and how YOU can be different too!

via Inc.com by Shelly Provost

As a therapist-turned-entrepreneur (kinda), I have helped lots of people fight myriad mental and emotional setbacks.

Over time, I have learned that the skill set that helps you avoid depression or anxiety is not the same skill set that helps you experience a joyful, meaningful, and connected life. If you want to be truly happy, you need a new playbook.

Here’s a page from that playbook. It contains eight ways that happy people are different than everyone else.

They are resilient. 

Happy people bounce back, often quickly, from setbacks. Rather than see life’s adversities as destructive and rigid roadblocks that they must quash in order to be happy, they see adverse situations as manageable and temporary fixtures in a pretty good life–the price they pay for renting space on the planet.

They are optimistic.  

You know this to be true–most people want to talk about their problems and what’s not going right. Happy people have the same problems that everyone else does, they are just solution-focused and get bored and irritated talking about problems all the time. They have an uncanny skill for finding solutions where there seem to be none. There’s a time and place for venting, but when you’re ready for a solution, ask an optimist.

They experience a wide-range of emotions. 

While happy people have more positive emotions than negative ones–three times as many, in fact–they do experience negative emotions just like everyone else. However, they experience them differently. They don’t squelch negative emotions. They face them head on in order to learn from them. They let negative emotions guide them into changing a behavior, self-examining, or getting out of a bad relationship. They see negative emotions as an internal wake-up call to change course or re-evaluate…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

If you want to be happier, make others happier

The secret to happiness is helping others

via Time.com Jenny Santi

There is a Chinese saying that goes: “If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day, go fishing. If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody.” For centuries, the greatest thinkers have suggested the same thing: Happiness is found in helping others.

For it is in giving that we receive — Saint Francis of Assisi

The sole meaning of life is to serve humanity — Leo Tolstoy

We make a living by what we get; we make a life by what we give — Winston Churchill

Making money is a happiness; making other people happy is a superhappiness — Nobel Peace Prize receipient Muhammad Yunus

Giving back is as good for you as it is for those you are helping, because giving gives you purpose. When you have a purpose-driven life, you’re a happier person — Goldie Hawn

And so we learn early: It is better to give than to receive. The venerable aphorism is drummed into our heads from our first slice of a shared birthday cake. But is there a deeper truth behind the truism?

The resounding answer is yes. Scientific research provides compelling data to support the anecdotal evidence that giving is a powerful pathway to personal growth and lasting happiness. Through fMRI technology, we now know that giving activates the same parts of the brain that are stimulated by food and sex. Experiments show evidence that altruism is hardwired in the brain—and it’s pleasurable. Helping others may just be the secret to living a life that is not only happier but also healthier, wealthier, more productive, and meaningful.

But it’s important to remember that giving doesn’t always feel great. The opposite could very well be true: Giving can make us feel depleted and taken advantage of. Here are some tips to that will help you give not until it hurts, but until it feels great…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

How to stay young (at heart)

George Bernard Shaw supposedly once said … 

…we don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing! 

Now it should be noted, that as the author of “Live Happier, Live Longer” (HERE)and as a passionate advocate of “positive ageing”, there’s nothing at all wrong with “growing old”.

But the point is, as we age we need not stop having fun; or playing; or dancing; or learning; or doing almost anything we did when we were younger. 

Rather, doing so is what will keep us healthy and happy! Regardless of the number that gets mentioned each time our birthday comes around.

Research clearly suggests that those who approach life, and continue as they age to approach life with a sense of curiosity, and of wonder; and those who hold on to optimism and hope; not to mention those who practice appreciation and gratitude … will indubitably live longer and better.

When they say “age is just a number” what they really should say is “ageing is just an attitude”. 

This is good news because although we can’t control all the variables that determine or influence the ageing process (such as, for example, our genetic makeup) we can largely control and choose how we think about life and how we live our life.

…So that’s today’s mailing. Take some time to reflect upon the message and how it might apply to you. Check out, also, the links below for some additional readings and resources.

I hope it helps you enjoy some more happiness. Until next time…

Keep well & keep smiling
Tim Sharp (aka Dr Happy)

How to Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself: 10 Steps That Work

When you fail, make a mistake or things simply don’t go as well as you had hoped then how do you feel?

Do you feel sorry for yourself? Well, that’s natural in some situations and too an extent.

But do you get stuck in that mental state too often and for far too long?

If that’s the case then this guide is for you.

Because in it I’d like to share 10 steps that have helped me to stop feeling sorry for myself.

Simple habits and techniques that have helped me to reduce and overcome this issue in my life and to stop spending so much time and energy on it.

Now, let’s get started.

1. Breathe.

First, calm your mind and body down a bit to think more level-headedly and clearly.

This simplest way to do that?

Just sit down. Close your eyes.

And then breathe through your nose and with your belly.

Focus only on the air going in and out. Nothing else.

Do that for 1-2 minutes (I like to set a timer on my smart phone so I don’t try to finish early).

This will center you and make you feel more focused again.

2. Zoom out into the world (and then tap into gratitude).

Ask yourself: does anyone on this planet have it worse than me right now?

This question helps me to see things from a wider perspective.

I often follow it up with asking myself:

What are 3 things I can be grateful for but often take for granted?

Well, I can be thankful for many such things.

Thing like:

• Fresh water.
• Three steady meals a day.
• A roof over my head.

Just these first two steps is often enough for me stop feeling sorry for myself and not get stuck in self-pity.

If not, then I move on to…

3. Zoom out in your own life.

Ask yourself this about the situation that has caused you to feel sorry for yourself:

Will this matter in 5 years? Or even 5 weeks from now?

The answer is most usually for me that it actually won’t.

But I’m sometimes a bit hasty to make a mountain out of a molehill.

4. Find one opportunity or lesson in the situation you’re in.

This can help you to see what happened to you in more optimistic and constructive light.

That doesn’t mean that it’s all of a sudden a great situation that you’ve found yourself in.

But it’s in my experience important to do not only to add a dash of optimism.

But also because the toughest situations that I’ve felt the worst about have helped me in the long run.

They have taught me one or several very important lessons that have been game-changers or at least been quite valuable things to keep in mind.

5. Set a time-limit for yourself.

One thing I do from time to time when I’m in a negative emotional state like feeling sorry for myself or seeing things through a negative lens is to be OK with that.

To embrace it.

But with a deadline and for just a little while.

Because we have to process what has happened. Take in all the emotions, thoughts or shock that a situation caused.

Pushing that aside right away can lead to those thoughts and feelings popping up later in unexpected situations and ways.

So take 10 minutes to just feel sorry for yourself. But then, as those minutes are up, move on into a more constructive headspace and focus forward once again.

6. Get out of your own head by helping someone else out.

To avoid getting stuck in a downward spiral of self-pity focus outward. On someone else. Focus on giving one or more people in your life value.

This will get you outside of your own head and you’ll feel good for helping out in some way.

And then feel even better as you see the other person’s face light up thanks to what you did.

A couple of good ways to give value and to help out are:

• Helping out practically. Maybe someone needs help moving. Or setting up things for his party this weekend. Or with finding information for a decision that he’s making.
• Listening. Just be there fully and listen to someone as she vents about a situation in her life. And if she asks then offer some advice or a discussion about what can be done to improve upon the situation she is in.
• Be kind to someone in your everyday life. Be kind to a stranger by holding up the door, letting him or her into your lane while driving or helping out with directions if he seems lost in your city.

7. Look into your possible future.

Ask yourself: what will the consequences be if I keep this up?

How will my life look in 1 year if I too often fall back into feeling sorry for myself for too long? And in 5 years?

How will it affect my relationships?

How will affect my chances of reaching my goals and dreams?

Write down your answers and use them as a motivation to move forward once again the next time you feel that you’re starting to get lost in those negative thoughts.

8. Create a reminder and keep it close by.

I used one that said “no victim thinking for 30 days” on my smart phone. It popped up every morning with the help of the free Google Keep app.

Another good way to use a reminder is to write your message to yourself down on a piece of paper and put it in your bedside table. Then it’ll be one of the first things you see each day.

A couple of suggestions for what to write could be:

• It’s OK to feel sorry for yourself for 10 minutes. But then move forward and into action again.
• What are 3 things I can be grateful for in my life but I too often take for granted?

9. Draw up a small plan (and take just one step to move forward with it).

One of the best ways to move on from a mental state where you don’t feel like you have much personal power to change your situation is to take one small step.

And to create a small plan – or the start of one – for how you can improve or move away from the situation that have made you feel sorry for yourself.

So just sit down with a pen and a piece of paper. And brainstorm for 3-5 minutes to find one or a few small steps forward.

Then get the ball rolling right away.

Take just one of those small or tiny steps forward to put your plan into action. This will make you, in my experience, feel empowered and better about yourself and your life.

10. Ask yourself: how can I prevent getting stuck in the same trap in the future?

Finally, after you feel more empowered and constructive and have gotten the ball rolling with your plan take a couple of minutes and ask yourself the question above.

Think about what you can do differently the next time something goes wrong or when you start feeling sorry for yourself for too long.

A couple of the things that have helped me the most with this are:

• Reading through the note with the future consequences written on it.
• Reminding myself to talk to someone about it as soon as possible to be able to vent and figure things out for myself. And if I need it then to also have a constructive discussion with this person about what I can do to improve upon the situation I’m in. Or sometimes I simply let this person help me to ground myself again and to not make a mountain out of a molehill.
• Reminding myself that just a start of a plan and taking one small step forward to get going with it can change how I feel and my mental state in a big way.